I just finished Till We Have Faces by CS Lewis, i didn't expect to gain much spiritual insight from it because it is loosley based on a greek myth, I was suprised when I found myself recognizing flaws in my character that i previously hadn't when reflecting back on the novel. I have come to the realization that rather than selflessly loving people i selfishly love them.
It has kind of jarred my self concept, I have always considered myself a decently charitable and empathatic person, but when it comes to the people that i love the most I am almost wholly self serving. I think I feel like in order to feel loved by them i require of them some sort of sacrifice and when they are not willing to make that sacrifice i claim them a bad friend, even if that decsion was in their best interest instead of my own.
I suppose this realization comes at a good time as i look to the summer with the hope of new friendships and rekindled old ones, i hope that i don't forget the pain of regret i feel now looking at past and present relationships.
