Teaching

Today was my first day teaching for my lab, we teach 5th grade health. The kids are absolutely adorable and hilarious and i can tell that i am going to love being a teacher. I feel like i did ok today but I need to figure out how to get some confidence that seems to be my biggest problem. I feel like if i can't figure this out i may not teach at all when i graduate, my biggest fear is that i will be a bad teacher or even a mediocre one, no one deserves that...I know if i work really hard i can do this and i know it will be worth it in the end.

bad night

Last night was pretty hard i ended up going to bed around two thirty because Tyleen and Janiece are in town and because Tim and I didn't talk until late...I ended up falling asleep on the phone with him i felt bad. Anyhow I woke up at about 5:30 with absolutely terrible cramps so i took some medicine went outside for a little bit and watched the office, they just kept getting worse so i took a bath and watched the office until about 7 when i fell asleep again. I woke up around 9:30 totally sobbing because of this dream i had, it was so terrible. I haven't really been able to explain it very well but i suppose I will try. Tim and I were at this cabin and we just had a really really nice time hanging out and cuddling and everything and then all of a sudden he was gone and it felt like he had died and everything that i thought had happened hadn't at all and it was all in my head and he was just gone. when i woke up I sat in bed and cried for a good while and then came into the living room and tyleen just sat and hugged me for a while. I called Tim and that made me feel better but the feeling was so intense and really residual...I have felt in a funk all day just really detached and not good. I am hoping when we go to lunch and i get out of here i will feel better.

I know its backwards but I am excited

second week

I keep thinking missing Tim is going to get better but, no such luck. This week has been good so far, I only had one class today which is nice since i am feeling under the weather, cass and i both have pretty strange colds...my eyes hurt really bad and my sinuses but my nose isn't that stuffed up...mostly i am just tired. Today after class i hung out with cass and krista and then studied for a while...talked to kyle for an absurd amount of time. I really like kyle he is a good friend but sometimes he makes me feel bad about things i know I just shouldn't pay any attention to him but it is hard not to when i already feel weird and insecure about stuff. for the most part we had a good conversation he said he and ali would come visit sometime so that will be nice.

So i gave Tim my blog address (Hi Tim!) it has made me feel really vulnerable but good at the same time, i feel like i can trust him, I know he knows how important it is to me and i appreciate that. I am going to keep writing in it like he isn't reading it though cause well what would be the point if i couldn't say what i wanted to.

I am going home in two weeks (really 1 1/2 weeks but who is counting)...I can't wait!!!!! it is going to be wonderful because Elizabeth and Ezra will be in town and i get to see wonderful amazing magical Timothy James ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it can't come soon enough

On monday we teach our first lesson in my lab at the middle school, I am nervous but I am sure it will be fine...I was going to come home this weekend but I was worried about monday until i found out that another member of our team is going out of town this weekend anyway so we have to get everything done regardless...but i don't have a ride so i would have to ride with a stranger and i am sick and i have a slew of meetings on sunday that i really shouldn't miss so i am stuck here. I am sure it will be ok though.

Nick and I just went on a wonderful bike ride...we went on one on saturday too the one on saturday was pretty intense we ended up out by all the potato and wheat fields it was beautiful and amazing afterwards we got Lime Rickeys at article circle and then went to the Thai restaurant here in rexburg for dinner, after that we went to a massive bonfire where i became absurdly and embarrassingly hyper all in all it was a good day. anyhow i am pretty tired and just about ready to go to bed

Yellowstone Pictures Pt 2

Yellowstone Pictures

bad blogger

I know i am terrible, this week has been a little crazy though. Tim took me up on friday, the drive up was so nice, it was just nice to be alone with him, have him all to myself. We just hung out with Tyleen and Nick, it was so much fun to be with him and some of my friends. Right after Tyleen and Nick went to bed Tim and I were just staying awake talking and staring at each other, and all the sudden the thing i had been wanting to tell him all week long became the hardest words i think i have ever said. I cannot begin to express how difficult it was for me to tell Tim that i Love him, but likewise i can't put into words how happy i was when he said it back. So basically friday was magical Saturday we left pretty early, dropped off all my stuff and then headed to yellowstone, the drive was absolutely gorgeous and the company fantastic as always. In Island Park we stopped off to see the cabin that Tim and his family always go to it was a really neat experience seeing it with him, he told me how it had changed and about some of the things they do while they are there...it was just really nice. In West Yellowstone we went to this amazing breakfast joint called the running bear and stuffed ourselves and then walked around the town it was cool to see all the little shops and everything...Tim took me to this amazing bookstore in which we most certainly made out ahhhh it was possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me, oh goodness. After that we drove into the park we stopped at a few places here and there which beautiful and so cool! I had forgotten a lot about yellowstone and it was really neat to see the geysers and everything. We made it down to old faithful about 1:30 and waited in this absolutely amazing Inn there until the geyser went off....I got to take a nap for a little which was nice, i don't know which was nicer sleeping or sleeping with Tim there watching me. After we watched Old faithful we got amazing huckleberry ice cream which basically blew my mind, and then we continued making the loop from there...we stopped at the lakeshore geysers which i think were my favorite, they had the most green in them :)

we also got to go to the big waterfall up at the "grand canyon of yellowstone" it was pretty awesome. We stopped in canyon for dinner and both ended up crying before getting out of the car, i feel like this was the worst and best part of the trip all i could think about was him leaving and it just being terrible. It was so very very difficult to see him upset especially when i knew that it was my fault he felt the way he did. At the same time i felt so much love for him, so happy that i could spend this time with him so blessed to be able to be with such an amazing person

Dinner was amazing we went to this burger joint there and saw the cutest little kid ever. The drive home was very quiet we stopped at another falls and Tim wasn't saying much it was really hard to keep my composure, I was trying to be upbeat but it just wasn't working. The whole day i had been going back and forth in my head whether to tell him I didn't want to break up with him...the previous week i had felt like i had gotten my answer, and that i did need to just end things but, i kept coming back to it...my mind never settled on it and so finally saturday morning on the way there i decided to pray about things one more time this time deciding that i would stay with him. As soon as i told him i felt peaceful and good, i haven't doubted my decision once since i told him in fact i have barely thought about whether it was the right choice at all...mostly i have just been sad about making him sad, i have been upset that i have made things more difficult for him. some strange things have happened concerning all of this that i don't really feel like putting on this blog but I have only felt more peace and comfort about the situation as the week has progressed.

The moment he left saturday night i began to ache for him and it hasn't stopped yet. He is all i think about and pretty much all i Want to think about. Sunday night he sent me the most tender,romantic, amazing e mail i have ever gotten it was exactly what i needed to hear from him.

we have talked every night this week and although it hasn't been very satisfying it has still been wonderful I love Tim and i am glad he knows it and i ma glad everyone else does too.

I suppose i will post pictures when i get them!

The best words i heard all weekend long

I meant it when i said i love you last night

good week?

sort of

Cass decided that she is going to school which is a relief and a joy for me i wasn't sure what i was going to do without her. This week has been great monday i got home from maddie's cabin and just hung out until Tim could hang out then i went to his place and we went shopping...we went to a thrift store and to target and Kmart, i got some new moccasins so that was exciting, it was a lot of fun to be with him as always. Tuesday was my last day of work so that was exciting it was good to leave ACS, i am glad i won't be working there anymore. Tuesday night i went to Tim's and promptly fell asleep in his arms. Yesterday was a lot of fun as well, Nick and Kallen were in town for the afternoon so I went to lunch with the both of them and then Nick and I went shopping at the gateway and then went down to Ikea it was so nice to spend time with the both of them they are good friends to me. Last night i went to Tim's, I wanted to go to dinner with Ali and Kyle but they both had class so Tim and i went to The Midvale Mining Cafe which was excellent. afterward we went back to his place and just hung out, we were just sitting there and he kept staring at me so finally i asked him what he was thinking about and he got all teary eyed and told me he didn't want me to leave which of course made me cry. So we talked about it a little bit, he decided that he is going to take me up there so we leave tomorrow, stay the night at Nick's in Shelly and then head to yellowstone for the day on saturday. I am excited that i will be able to spend so much time with him, I know it is silly and fruitless and will probably just make everything a lot harder but I don't want to leave him. Last night it was hard to leave his house i just wanted to stay there, every time i look at him i just want to memorize exactly what he looks like and what it feels like to be with him. Oh goodness.