so nice

it is gorgeous outside

there is still some snow on the mountains i will put up a picture because now i have access to the digital camera WOOHOO! today has been nice i went to bed at around 2 and woke up at quarter after 11 so that was nice went to church for three hours came home had dinner with the fam sat and chatted read a little bit and thats about all. so nice and so relaxing

Saturday April 29, 2006

Today has been good but exhausting. Last night was fun though. Cass’ best friend Melissa and her friend nick came over and we sat and talked, nick is hilarious we have very similar senses of humor so we had some fun we decided to go to the mall and attempted “dollar on a string” but we were unsuccessful after being there for around 20 minutes my family showed up and we went to dinner it was great.

Today I got up at 6:30 took a shower cleaned up finished packing and the fam came at 8 then we walked around campus for a bit said good bye to everyone and we were off. I got back home at 1 and started unpacking called whit and she invited me to lunch with her parents at 2 so went and did that which was awesome came back home and unpacked some more. Then me and whit went and drove around and chilled went and got elise and headed to whitney’s where we just sort of chatted and watched tv then we decided to go to Denny’s where we came up with the genius idea of stealing a shopping cart and leaving it on ziv’s lawn so we did just that. Quite amusing if you ask me.

Today has been hard I have thought about Jacob a lot I kind of wish I would have told him how I feel about him. I know he knows I think he is attractive but it is more than that. I don’t know, I am not in love with him I don’t think but I feel like it is more than just a crush bleh I guess I will worry about it in two years. Ok I am out

because the internet turns off at 11:30 at my parents house and i usually get home AFTER 11:30 i will start posting the morning after

The End

my last day in rexburg i am not sure how i feel. Jacob left at around 9:30 i am proud of myself i didn't cry in front of him. i was asleep on the couch when he came to say good bye he pulled me up into a hug i could feel his heart beating, the feeling of his cheek against mine will stay with me. as we held each other he told me he would write to me and how he would visit when he was in salt lake before going on his mission. he told me to e mail him told me to call him and told me it would all be ok. as he was going out the door he stopped and said that those other girls mean nothing he said "Catherine you are my good friend". and he left.

I cried less than i thought i would, i do feel like everything will be good once i am home and everything.

So i said good bye to griff just now too, matt, megan, griff, alli, kara, and taylor were all going for the last time. They kept asking me to go with them i really didn't want to but they kept asking me why and i couldn't tell them why i didn't want to go. I guess it is just that i hate strung out goodbyes i didn't want it to turn into what happened with jacob i was expecting him to say good bye last night, then at breakfast and finally minutes before he left. I can't deal with that it is to much for my emotions especially when i don't feel well and i am tired and when i am saying good bye to so many others it is just to hard. i hope they aren't mad about that i just couldn't do it i would have cried in front of all of them, why do i feel like i have to justify this.

pleasant

today was nice i got up at 9 sold my books back went to breakfast got some math help took a little nap studied packed studied some more an helped tricia get all her stuff into her dad's car. i am off to take my Theater test here in a few minutes so that will be good when i get back the plan is to pack some more say goodbye to jacob and tricia (two in one night that is harsh ) and then cry for awhile bleh

BWHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

I am not sure if i have mentioned this before but Tricia is a prankster she LOVES to prank people so tonight Megan was at the clark building finishing up some projects and me and Tricia decided to get her air soft guns and hide behind trees and shoot her and that we did. she was pretty scared. so after we ate ice cream and chips and just chilled and talked i sound a mannequin head in tricia's closet so she said ya know what we do with this? attach it to the end of a mop and go slam it against peoples windows and scare the crap out of them i am not sure i have ever laughed harder tricia leaves tomorrow and that makes me sad so does John Jordan and Nick how depressing but it is all good. i got to meet jacob's brother tonight that was kind of cool he looks nothing like jacob except they have the exact same hair.

Oh i got a B on my american heritage final i am pretty excited about that because it is a fairly difficult class so woohoo i am happy about that we are staying up all night and having fun i will report later

here i am at 5 in the morning

i cannot sleep

i took a bath
i read a book
I STUDIED for goodness sakes

but i just can't sleep i wonder what it is wrong with me all i know is that tomorrow is going to suck
and it looks like i will be taking my theater test on thursday instead of friday which will be good i am debating wether to try and sell back books tomorrow or on thursday i am thinking tomorrow but i suppose i will see how i feel after my american heritage test

ok i suppose i will continue my attempts at sleep

Fantastic

last night was AMAZING usually three or four bands play but last night there were five and all off them decnt enough Sadly Love You Long Time only go t to play three songs before the cops came. i was at something that got busted by the cops woohoo this is a major milestone in my college career anyhow yeah it was like 11:40 anyways so we would have had to leave to make it to curfew anyway but i was really really hyper at the show and when i got back i lay down on tricia and megan's floor and promptly fell asleep so then i moved to my bed woke up at about 8 today in an effort to maintain some sort of healthy sleeping pattern so i was proud of myself but then i kinda took a hour and a half nap just now (i don't know what my problem is) but i did study quite a bit today so that was good tomorrow i have to go take my test and then stand in line for book buy back so that will be interesting and full of long lines it is a good thing i have a book to read. so tonight we are going to party hard because my next door neighbor whitney is leaving tomorrow and she is getting married this summer so this is sort of the last HURAH! it will be oh so grand deedle doo ok i am off to those races

deedle doo

today has been good nice and peaceful i am getting ready to work my tail off tomorrow so tonight we are going to Love You Long Time's last show i guess they are touring for a month in may and will be in salt lake on the 30th so i am excited for that so whitney is silk screening this onto a shirt and i am jealous

Girl Talk

i am chilling in megan and tricia's room playing truth with a bunch of girls a little juvenile but quite amusing and it makes me happy and i love LIFE because i am going home in 5 days and i made a P I M P E D out card for jacob and yeah it was grand and we ate delecious pizza tonight after twelve of course woohoo

mreh

i feel like i have been slacking in the blog department as of late so here is the basic weekend recap
friday: chilled with tricia while she studied, pillow fight at midnight on the taylor quad
Today: ate breakfast with griffith megan and tricia layed on the lawn with megan griff and mary (i got a little color woohoo!) read my book talked with griff did laundry talked with griff played with tricia and megan got some pizza read my book painted toenails looked at stars (ahhhh)

today has been very relaxing

so tricia jane and whitney have all been raving about this guy in their communications class who is apparenly "perfect" for me so they are trying to set something up for this week so i can atleast meet him before the semester is up things are timed so wrongly.......

i am exhuasted i am out


oh wait i am so curious who is the mysterious visitor from rexburg that frequently reads this blog Reveal Yourself!!! please? i am just curious thats all

what a night

so around 10:30 Jacob showed up looking for me (I think he is realizing we only have a week left) so we were in Tricia's apartment and i said he yso you want to make an audio blog with me and he was like sure so we did it (it turns out it didn't work for one reason or another) and so i like an idiot said do you want to listen to it. remember he is sitting next to me on the couch so i pull up my blog and right as i do so i remember my post from last night so i like a bigger idiot freak out a little and close the window and everything so jacob gets curious and asks whats going on and i said i was angry with you yesterday and i wrote about it. So we are sitting in the living room with tricia and jane and jacob wants to hash it all out right then and there so i skirt around it a bit and we decide to leave so we go outside and run into monica who was going to the library and decide to walk with her so we get to the library blah blah blah and it starts to close and jacob says we should see if we can hide here and stay so i am like ok so we go into a quite study room the lights are off and we hide under desks and he starts asking me more questions about why i was upset so i explained to him how i felt like devotional was our thing and it hurt my feelings when he went off with other people during it and how it hurt that the last devotional we went to he didn't walk me to class because he needed to "mack on some babes" and I could tell that he was really sorry he apologized a ton and said he forgot it was the last time and all that he is so sweet he said "i am coming to your house tomorrow and i am walking you to math" ridiculous boy. I told him all the stuff that i have wante dto tell him that i do need him more than he needs me and that i find him attractive, that i feel so shabby compared to his other girls (he really didn't get that) but it was good so good just to be forthright with him. as he walked me back to my dorm he asked if i would write to him on his mission and i said of course. he held me so close tonight as he hugged me good bye and wouldn't let me go for a while and all this is how i know that Jacob cares about me.


as i walked through the gate i heard him sing "Back pocket tape recorder!' and as i walked up the steps i started to cry i am going to miss that boy so very much he is so very important to me.

ack

i really don;t want to write this paper i should have atvleast gotten my thesis down yesterday the question is painfully involved i am just having trouble picking out exactly what i want to talk about.
today has been good i spoke with jacob at dinner and asked me to come play capture the flag tonight but then decided to cancel (meh) I started packing today white glove clean checks are on friday at 8:40 ack this is getting to be weird the end always sneaks up on me which is ridiculous because i have been counting down the days for a while but here i am wondering if i am ready to never see griff jacob and matt ever again i just don't know.

Some Thoughts

Everytime I get slighted by Jacob it always produces a certain feeling of inadequacy that fumbles around in my thoughts for the remainder of the day. I felt bad when i found out he actually did come and visit tonight but what am i supposed to do just sit around and wait on his all too often empty promise of a visit. I suppose i have always known that I need him more than he needs me. Last semester he is what kept me going for a while there someone i could depend on even with all his back pocket girls i always felt like i was important and that i meant something to him. Now i feel like a chore. like someone from your hometown you don't really like but are obligated to spend a meal with. I would rather he didn't bother. It all reminds me of a discussion that we had in my english class today about expectations. High expectations are good right that insinuates a glass half full person and isn't optimism a good thing? But if I hadn't expected Jacob to sit next to me at devotional today and ask me genuinely ask me how i was and take some sort of interest in my life I wouldn't be writing now and if i hadn't expected him to walk me to class i wouldn't have wanted to be skinny and blonde.

then again if i hadn't expected him to back out on his promise to drop by tonight none of that really would have mattered.

deedle doo

ok i know audio posts are only cool once in a while but i was excited
tonight has been good i watched Say Anything it was excellent i love that movie John Cusak is a hottie for sure. and i have just kind of chilled so that has been pleasant
So i guess Love you Long Time is being featured on Pure Volume's main page so go check out the link and it will be spiffy alright i am exhausted here is hoping everyone is well

This is my last one i swear....

first audio blog of death

hahhahahhaha this is wiggity wack not even the regular sort

What the Crap?!?

i woke up to 5 inches of snow on the ground and a cold blustery day.

but i finished my paper last night and took a test today and will probably take my math test tonight WOOHOO!
last night i got a little burnt out though poor mom had to deal with me crying while she was trying to talk to me about taxes but i was just tired, i went to bed at 12:30 last night and woke up at 8:30 this morning i have to slowly begin waking up earlier and earlier because on the 28th i have a final at 7:00 am so i figure if i start now then by the time it comes around getting up at 6:30 will be easy as pie
pie i say PIE PIE PIE

one time when me and david and whitney were hanging out david kept saying pie but he was more singing it and whitney was so annoyed and everytime anyone says pie i say to my self PIEEEEE arg i need to figure out how to audio post and i will demonstrate

I am feeling the stress

there are certain things that really irk me, things that get me really mad. One of those things is using my stuff without asking me.

so i come home today and alli is sitting in the hall on the telephone listening to my ipod.

i guess it wouldn't bug me so much if my ipod wasn't in my room when i left
that means she went into my room and looked for it found it took it into the hall, it makes me so mad especially since she hasn't said a civil word to me for about a month especially since she has been making fun of my new friends

so i guess tomorrow i will wander into her room and help myself to some things stop to make fun of something dear to her heart and then wander off on my way

arg

so angry

I think i am tired and stressed

I Can't Get No Sleep: Insomnia

i can't sleep it is frustrating I keep worrying i know it is silly but i just can't shake the feeling that diana is not ok I know she is now though I just want to give her a hug and see her i don't know if i can stand two more weeks arg i just want to get back home and work and play i know i have been posting the same thing over and over again but that is all i think about anymore

i am trying to recall how i stopped biting my nails and i can't remember. I do remember putting it on my new years resolutions a number of years in a row but how did i kick the habit? i don't know and that is frustrating i am tired of all of this i wish i could be a better person what is wrong with me is the real question

sleep i need to sleep tomorrow i will feel better it will all go away

i feel icky

i slept till freaking one o clock today ridiculous i have never done that before gross it is not a good feeling. so i found out today mom, dad, james, andrew, and diana are coming to pick me upfrom school in two weeks i am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!! last night i stayed up till like 3:30 talking with megan it was quite a good chat she is a really good converstionalist deedle doo ok here is the plan for today

*finish math assignments
*look over practice test
*Iron skirt
*patch pants
*eat something
*start Medea paper

ok i don't think i am going to be playing tonight which is good i just need to get all this crap done

i only have ten more classes to attend

bwhahahhahahhhahah

meh

ok so i have some more

so at the end of last semester Nick Cassidy Matt( not matt E and not matt mentioned below ) took a little trip last night we decided to do the same it was fun we left the dorm at two and didn't get back till around 4 that is probably why i reacted the way i did this morning to all the craziness i was just tired. matt is a good guy, and we do have a lot in common he is pretty funny and all that jazz anyhow our last hoorah was and i will miss that nickers quite a bit. today has been so long i am going to take a nap right now. tonight i am going to the play Medea it is being put on by the school and i have to attend it for Theater class so that will be fun nice and relaxing to have a little alone time ok i am out

6:34 AM

the last 45 minutes have been the most stressful and frustrating moments of my life so far. at 6:30 my dearest sister called me hysterical and really sick, she told me she couldn't get hold of mom and that she had been throwing up all night and felt like she was going to pass out. so got out of my bed woke poor cassidy up and stole her phone to see if i could get mom and dad they wouldn't answer so i hung up with di and called liz to see if she had a better plan diana was insistent on talking with mom, but no one would answer the phone and andrew wasn't responding to his cell phone either. So diana got a ride over to Liz's and i kept frantically trying to get a hold of mom the longest moment of my life was in between the time i had talked to diana before she was safe at liz's and before i had gotten in touch with my mother. Images of the rape of nanking pushed into my thoughts i couldn't help wonder where my family was and if they were ok. So i called my neighbor she told me she would find my mom and that everything would be ok i can not tell you the gratitude i feel towards this woman right now. Finally my mom called me telling me that the phone in their bedroom was on silent and that she was going to go pick up diana right now.

This is one reason why i despise being up here i am helpless and when faced with a situation like this instead of being able to walk upstairs and wake up my parents, or drive to the U to pick up a sick sister i have to find the means to do so by telephone so frustrating i am so glad i have loving siblings and that diana could trust me enough to take care of her that to me is more imprtant than anything in the world i am so thankful for my loving parents who take care of our every gripe and moan and do so in a loving manner most of all i am thankful that everyone is safe and that i will be home in two weeks from today

odd day

today has been weird I was really angry and annoyed with everyone again but then all the sudden it went away. So that was good i was in a pretty dang good mood, I saw the lovely Matt and he addressed me by name today that was exciting (wow i am a nerd) i also got a ton accomplished today so that felt good as well i did some social problems reading and that depressed the crap out of me, we are talking about war and he had a us read this article about The Rape of Nanking that isn't the same article but you get the general idea of it. it all made me sick and worried. i just worry about david going into the military and getting all walled up and robotic again it makes me sad i don't want him to kill people i just want him to be sweet little david yelling at me to be a better nerdary captain. it kills me to think about him going off and doing war like things i just worry so much i want him to be safe and emotionally and physically healthy and i don't trust west point i honestly don't. ARG i hate the world and all its crappiness.

Blood drivin

so i gave blood for the first time today it was a good experience. I probably wouldn't have done it but i told david that i would for one of his birthday presents so yeah. It was good and i almost crapped out on it because i was really scared but then cass reminded me that it saves 2-3 lives and i felt like i should so i did it and i am feeling pretty good a little sleepy but overall like i have done something worthwhile with my time today. not to mention i did my math projects for tomorrow and now i am going to go read screwtape letters then tonight i will just have to do social problems stuff and then i will be good I was feeling a little overwhelmed this morning when i realized what all was due tomorrow but i am feeling good now so woohoo.

So looking at my blog the past few posts i have been recieving comments from people other than my siblings which is odd to me. I remember when i started this thing i would have killed for a group of readers like Stolie has. and now that i have the stat conter and all that i am almost uncomfortable with it but not really at the same time, it is weird that people actually bother to read this I guess because it is just poorly written whining about my life but anyhow i appreciate the comments and for you guys visiting everyday.

aha

last night i had the most wonderful dream. I was sitting on the back deck at my house in sandy with my good friend preston. we were sitting in these really comfortable chairs in the shade the sky was clear and blue and there was a light wind rustling green leaves and we just sat and talked i don't remeber about what but i was incredibly content i remember breathing in deep;y and smelling summer ahhhhh then he turned to me and said "I keep forgetting it isn't summer yet" and i woke up ACK wonderful but incredibly frustrating i only have 16 more classes to attend bwhahahahahahaha

My house always gets a particular smell in the summer especially my basement i can't describe it but it is WONDERFUL ahhhhhhh i am dieing to get home.

more mixed feelings though
Chances are i will never see jacob ever again i am pretty sure he is going to BYU provo when he gets back from finland that is really sad to me i love jacob he has been such a good friend to me last semester he was the one i turned to when i was upset i will be sad to lose him

wohoo?

So i got a phone call from my dearest whit last night around one whe was pretty upset. it seems that david might return home at the end of this month instead of in the middle of june whit doesn't want him to come back yet which is very understandable i totally see where she is coming from and david doesn't want to come back yet because he will just be chilling for two months before he leaves for west point. it is kind of weird because i was happy to hear that, i want him to come back because he will return right when i do. but then me and whit talked about it and it is not like we would all be able to hang out again like old times which is horribly depressing i hate change. So there it is i want him to return but at the same time i don't because it will just be one more thing to balance especially if whit and david don't want to hang out together arg ok i am going to go study or something.

Annoyed

I don't feel well today and so i am incredibly irritable i feel bad i shouldn't take my unhappiness out on the people around me but part of me says the freaking deserve it arg. i am going to bed early tonight in order tto stave off whatever bug i have i am hoping tomorrow morning my body won't hurt and i can drag myself out of bed earlier than 10 minutes before class starts blehg ok off i go

A Second Wind

So I am on the shuttle right now woohoo luckily I have good old Thelma to keep me company (that is my computer) oh yeah I came home from spring break last week and found on a little post it note on my desk that Thelma is greek, it means Will, Volition or nursing. I thought it was humorous anyhow today was awesome, church was so good. this weekend has been incredibly inspiring. This kid named Colby got up and bore his testimony he has changed so much since the summer. I hung out with him once during the summer with david and Colby had such a negative effect on him so I had some decently bad feelings towards this kid but then during Christmas he came over to hang out with Andrew and I could tell that something had happened he seemed so different then today he just got up and cried and talked about Christ it was amazing. Afterwards I went over him to tell him he did a good job and he gave me the most sweet hug I have ever received, I am very impressed with this boy and I am hoping I can get to know him a little better this summer.

So I am making CD’s for these three kids in my math class cause they are awesome but I am having trouble, to me lyrics and music convey so much and I worry that the songs on the guys’ CD’s will have them assuming things that I don’t mean oh well I suppose I probably wont see them ever again so it doesn’t matter. Alright I am off to stare in to the darkness.

405

Ahh ok I have a had a lot of thoughts today. Good productive thoughts I think. Some not so good but still good. First off I am deleting Ziv off of my myspace friends list. This is a little juvenile I know but I decided I am through, I don’t want to do this anymore I am done with him wholly and completely, he is not nice despite my efforts to convince myself that is my conclusion, he is not good for me he is not a good friend not even a friend at all he is selfish and self centered I am through this is me Moving On.

Before things started with my first boyfriend I had a discussion with my sister, she had recently broken up with her first boyfriend whom she cared about very much. I was worried about this new relationship and I asked her If the good out weighed the bad in the end and she said whole heartedly that yes it did. Looking back on me and Ziv’s relationship I am not sure if that is the case the past twelve months have been devoted to wasting my time on something completely and utterly fruitless. I am angry, at myself mostly, for letting this joke of a relationship prevent me from enjoying my first semester of college even the slightest bit. I am angry at myself for not being able to find it in me to put aside all that crap and get out of my comfort zone. I am angry that I couldn’t find it in myself to say I am better then this I don’t deserve it. But most of all I am angry that I didn’t have a chance to develop better relationships with some of the girls in my dorm that I am friends with now all because I couldn’t look past my own stupid problems to see them.

I feel like I have rectified myself in this to a certain extent with getting involved in book club and the theater and literature board but that still doesn’t give me back that semester or all that time I spent mourning the loss of something untrue. I feel like I need to make this up to myself some how and I plan on doing that by having a fantastic summer, I am going to work and play and be with my family as much as possible and I won’t be wasting my time on boys that are undeserving. This is the plan, I won’t talk to him, and if possible I won’t see him and it will be done.

This weekend has been great, the memorial today was really inspiring my Grandma was an amazing person I hope I can be like her when I am older.

Three more weeks that is all I have, I am ready to be finished, I am ready for finals, I am ready to be home.
Tonight I talked to my friend Jamie from high school we are going to go see Elise in a mid summers nights dream in may I am excited Jamie is a good kid and I miss hanging around with him, he is extremely intelligent and very cynical and that is why I like him. Ok well it is almost two and I am about ready to pass out the past two days have been incredibly cathartic.

Grandma Win

Winifred passed away on March 31, 2006, in Colorado Springs, Colorado, at the home of Lorna , her devoted and loving daughter, who cared for Winifred in the last years of her life. Winifred was born on April 8, 1922, in Rigby, Idaho, the daughter of S.R. and Veda . She was incorrigibly headstrong; neither people nor circumstances could hem her in. As soon as practicably possible, she ventured forth to a world that was barely large enough to contain her. Winifred served as an LDS missionary in the Windsor Ontario Mission. She graduated in dietetics from Utah State University, served an internship at Boston’s Peter Bent Brigham Hospital, taught at Brigham Young University, then left for the Bay Area to obtain a Master’s Degree in Journalism from the University of California at Berkeley. There she met Clarence Woodrow , a dashing young Civil Engineer and amateur comedian, with whom she fell in love and married. Four children were barely enough to slow her down. When her children were of suitable age, she ventured into the world again obtaining a real estate license, completing her Master’s Degree in Journalism at U.C. Berkeley and starting a consulting business. Upon the death of her beloved husband in 1976, Winifred accepted a teaching position as an associate professor at Brigham Young University. While at BYU, she spent several summers in the Philippines and Israel conducting research. She retired from fulltime teaching at BYU in 1986. Winifred was a consummate teacher. Her children remember with great fondness long discussions with her as she prepared lessons for Church; she always was genuinely interested in their thoughts and opinions. Winifred taught everyone around her by both precept and example. Her reaction to the untimely death of her husband was an indelible lesson in courage and faith to all who knew her. Winifred touched untold thousands of lives-her children and grandchildren are astounded to encounter people in all walks of life who knew and loved her. Winifred is survived by her children, Kevin (Marianne), Douglas (Sandee) , Lyle (Jill) and Lorna (Coleman) , her 15 grandchildren, and her brother, Willard. She will be sorely missed.

A graveside service will be held on Thursday, April 6, 2006, at 10:00 a.m. Richmond, California. A memorial service will be held on Saturday, April 8, 2006, at 2:00 p.m. Provo, Utah.

It was a good service today has been nice.

April 7, 2006

Yes, I heard all that you had to say
That's when it all fell apart
Might be hated, but I can't pretend
I liked you better before

So long, So long
Front foot leads the back one
Go on, and it won't be too soon
I'm gone, I'm gone
And onto the next one
So long, and I won't be back soon

Yes, I'm be blue, but from holding my breath
Like I have from the start
I'm a villian and I should confess
I liked you better before

So long, So long
And onto the next one
Go on, and it won't be too soon
I'm gone, I'm gone
Bet you saw this one coming
So long, and I won't be back soon

It's hateful to say, See it this way
Don't even know who you are
But in my defense, I'd do it again
Don't need to know who you are

So long, So long
And onto the next one
Go on, and it won't be too soon
Your gone, Your gone
Are you waiting for something?
Go on, cuz I won't be back soon

It's hateful to say, see it this way
Don't even know who you are
But in my defense, I'd do it again
Don't need to know who you are

So long, So long
Front foot leads the back one
Go on, cuz you won't be too soon
You're lost and gone
And onto the next one
Don't need to know who you are
Don't need to know who you are...

done and done(almost)

I finished mmy paper areound 10:30 around eight i decided that i would explode with horrible angriness if i remained in my apartment so i walked up to the ricks and it was so nice and quite and peaceful so i checked blogs and just relaxed for a bit before i started in so now i just have to do the bibliography and make the corrections that my beautiful wonderful lovely brother helped me out with and then i am finished and i can e mail it to my theater teacher and leave at two tomorrow and go home ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i am sleepy

but i have made great headway on my paper today i buckled down for about an hour this afternoon and ta da 3 pages down two to go i was debating posting it but i am opting against that because it isn't very good and i don't want anyone to read it i guess that means i need to work on it some more meh

oh yes so last night i go to plug in my computer and my stupid powercord is all messed up and i looked on line for how much a new one is and it is 80 dollars yowza but here is the deal only the very tip of it is messed up everything else is fine so i am wondering if i really need to pay 8o dollars for a new one hopefully my wonderful brother in law better known as the apple king can advise me on this one aliright i am off to finish that paper WOOOHOOO!!

once again

i have chosen beaches over writing my paper and here i am choosing blogging over writing it as well ahhh i will get it done eventually i am so excited to go home and aafter this weekend only three more weeks busy weeks but it will be good busy and then summer beautiful gorgeous delicious wonderful summer me and andrew and diana and james all together being awesome ahhhhh i so sosososo can't wait alright off i go to buckle down

oh yeah

worked on my paper tonight it was great well sort of i didn't really get a ton written but i got a bunch of information hopefully tomorrow will be better for me deedle doo i took a nap at like 7:30 cause i was exhausted so i might not be able to sleep tonight which would stink alright i am off to those races

ahhhhhhhhh

ok

so i was walking out of he ricks building after math and i was sad because i didn't see matt and there he was sitting on a bench he says hi so i go over there and we talked for a little bit it made me so happy ahhhh i reintroduced myself to him and he is cute
and it made me giddy

these guys who i sit with in my math class are so ridiculous their names are Steven and Nate Steven is the married one and nate is pretty cute they are funny they remind me of my brothers a lot much sarcasm is used in math class (i mean that is the nicest way possible james) anyhow lovely today was a good day i am little sleepy though here are some pictures of me and mary from the break woohoo

stupid personality test that is pretty accurate

Congratulations. You are BLUE.

BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be unerstood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.

BLUES have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). BLUES are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone, once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

Understand that no two BLUES are exactly alike. Although you share the same core motivation as many others, your personality is still unique to you alone.


great

so mom called and i was depressed a little and then she called james and liz and they both called and liz sounded like she was really low and confused but it was nice of them to call i love my family last night was hard cause i couldn't sleep and i just thought about how sad dad is and it made me sad and that sort of carried over today and everyone was making me so angry so me and mary went and got ice cream and that was nice she is awesome yeah i hope i sleep a little better tonight last night sucked i read chasing red bird so that was nice i love those books makes me happy ok i am out love you family

ok

some thoughts:


it makes me want to scream when amanda listens to death cab

i hate being here right now i want to be home

i really hate how aware i am that it will have been a year on the seventh

instead of working on my paper i watched beaches

i am feeling a little lonely tonight

i don't want to see dad cry again

i hope andrew and james like their mixes

i miss my sisters and my mommy

i need a hug

april 28th can't come soon enough

your what keeps me believing the worlds not gone dead

as you can see i am continuing the emo theme of my stupid weekend

Home 2

debauchry debauchary i don't know how to spell it but it is an awesome word

my grandma died last night around 7 which is sad but good

General conference is this weekend so we watched that this morning it was really good i really enjoyed Elder Hales' and President Monson's talks you can find them both here AHHHA gotta go play some ridiculous game with andrew