another night

chris came and got me at 11 and we spent a couple of hours chatting again it was nice.

He is going on a road trip by himself on wednesday so i made him a cd and what not.

here is my problem with chris, i don't want to be attracted to him, i want to be his friend. i don't want to wait with anticipation for the end of the night when he will hug me, i don't want to worry about how many times i call him or what i look like when i see him, i don't want to censor myself around him. I just want our friendship to be like me and jamie's. no attraction. just friends. i am going to try really hard to ignore my feelings, i stopped liking matt didn't i? the problem is i have already talked to chris about things that i have only told whitney and diana, i am just screwing myself over so unless i can get my feelings in check i don't think i should have anymore late night talks with him or else this will turn into a preston/jacob/clint situation, good friends with one sided feelings, i don't know that i could deal with that.

on to other things...

last night at B&N there was this guy, pretty attractive not to mention he was buying Dostoevsky's The Idiot which is hot in itself. Anyhow jamie kept goading me to go talk to him but i couldn't bring myself to do it, what on earth would i say in a situation like that? i think your cute. we should hang out? the very thought of it makes me ill probably because that is just about the last thing i would want anyone to ever know, i know it is childish but the thought of someone knowing i felt that way is absolutely mortifying.

so here is my real question, how freaked out would you be if a semi-attractive girl in B&N hit on you? is this socially acceptable?

ok i need to work out or something