Hindsight

I had a conversation with my good friend michael this evening and it got me thinking. I am knd of getting scared the past few days have shown me that i am getting to close up here i am trusting people more than is good for me. I suppose that is one reason why last semester i didn't make a concerted effort to make new friends because i didn't want this to happen everything is so much easier when you hold no expectations for anyone and when you don't care if they let you down or not. it bothers me that i have let myself do this and although it is no way to live i would rather protect my feelings than have close friends, or anything more than aquaintances for that matter. But this is silly at the same time, last semester i longed for friends now i am not so sure what i want maybe i will try being anti social for a week and see how it goes and then i will decide next weekend if i want to continue all this business of friends. I just want to go back to sandy with whitney and david and ziv and hannah and jamie and elise that is what i want to sit in my backyard on the deck in the dark and talk politics and fluffy stuff and how much we despised dave the librarian gosh i hate adjusting i wnat everyone happy and together i want to be with my family and away from this cold