Clarity

As the week progressed it became more clear to me my misinterpretation of clint and I's relationship. i suppose the situation or rather my reaction to it may seem a bit petty to the people reading this, but one thing that i would like to make clear is that the actions or lack there of hurt my feelings quite badly.

Essentially what happened was that i had gotten something for clint for his mission, i was excited to give it to him. As this past week progressed i caught wind of a present that clint was making fro cassidy, he had assembled a book and went around and had all of her friends write notes to her. I thought this was very nice and although it did irk me a little bit I didn't think to much of it. It was not until thursday night that i realized that clint had no plans to do anything of the sort for me. That night he gave it to her she cried and i stewed. Tricia had long since realized what was happening and she told me she was sorry. On friday i gave clint my present and a card that i had made for him. as we ran around k mart that night i eyed some moccasins and he asked me if i wanted him to get me them for christmas. I think more than anything that made me the most sad. It was good to realize that he had put so much thought into that. it was nice to know that he wanted do something "special" for me. I told him no and attempted to put it all out of my mind. that night tricia and i had a sleep over and a cried for a large portion of it.

This semester i have considered clint one of my close friends, we have had some lengthy talks over the phone and wandering around rexburg. I know for a fact that he had told things to me that he hadn't even told Landin. The least i expected from him at his departure was a note saying goodbye and thanks for hanging out with him every day this semester or maybe for introducing him to all my friends and roommates i don't know.

I know shouldn't do that i shouldn't expect things from people but after he gave that book to cassidy who he has hung out with about half as much as he had with me i was expecting something and honestly don't think there is anything wrong with that.

I just feel so injured and so tromped on. It seems clear to me how much he valued my friendship and how much effort he put into this relationship. It just makes me feel so sad and used i am tired of putting so much into relationships and getting nothing back

It happened with preston with david, jacob and with countless other boys and i have just got to stop. I am done breaking down walls




A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words