day one

i forgot that i had to go to work today and think.

i came home and tried to go running to feel better i only made it half way through my route before breaking down so i just went to brikaeli's she had the pleasure of comforting a very sweaty catherine.

tonight has been better James called to see how i was doing and tyleen called too(i will call you tomorrow my dear) i went shopping with brik it was fun. She is going to help me find some sexy shoes later on this week.

I just keep trying to figure out why i am not good enough and i know that that isn't necessarily it but i can't help thinking, if i was skinnier, more spiritual, smarter, better at school, nicer etc. maybe he would want to be with me then.

I wish it was as easy as just letting it go, i wish i could just be done for good.