Thinking

So i have been thinking a lot lately, ten hours of mind numbingly simple work will do that to a person.

the other day Elizabeth said that Kevin Ellis, my ex boyfriend and first kiss, was over at their house---he and my brother in law are cousins oddly enough. Kevin was with a friend and talking to their grandma when Liz came up, kevin remarked to his friend "this is Catherine's sister" Like his friend knew who i was.
This has bothered me, it bothers me that i am a Someone to him, I am a person he talks about to his friends even though we dated six years ago like i am his Ziv or even his Preston.

I am pretty sure not even my closest friends from BYU Idaho would have the foggiest idea who i was talking about if i mentioned kevin's first name, let alone his full name.

It bothers me that that relationship was so important to him but not to me. That rarely happens in my life more often than not i feel like i am putting more into a relationship, wether it be a friendship or a romantic one, than the other person the fact that this was not the case and that i didn't see it for what it was at the time or in the years following definitely makes me want to reexamine the way i view the people in my life.

Yesterday i had the opportunity to hang out with my dad all day. In the morning we went to a service project and then he made me breakfast, in the afternoon we went to the library, went and saw 21 and then he taught me how to mow the lawn. I was so happy to be able to spend time with him. While we were having breakfast he asked me what i had decided to do about preston i have always felt kind of weird talking to my dad about boys but i could tell he was genuinely concerned so i relented and told him how i was feeling he was extremely validating and told me what he thought he listened to me and gave me advice I can;t begin to express how grateful i am that i had this experience I know my dad loves me but sometimes i think i forget how much he loves me.

Also yesterday my cousin Greg moved into our house I am pretty excited about him living here we have never been very close but he seems like a cool guy and i think it will be good to have some more people in the house. So far it has been good we have made plans to attend the next young single adult activity and to watch grey's anatomy.

It was funny he sat by me at church and a bunch of people came up to me asking who "the nice young man" sitting next to me was, i was happy to inform them that he was my cousin.


so what it comes down to is if preston calls me back and can hang out before he leaves to go to provo tonight i am going to tell him how i feel about him, I am resolved to do this, I am tired of waiting, I am tired of not knowing, like my Greg said "balls to the wall"