no regrets

So i have been reflecting on some things that have happened to me in the last few months, in doing so i have decided i have become a lot more gutsy and although nothing has really gone well for me in that respect I am starting to have less of a fear of rejection and failure then previously.

even though this preston thing really sucks i am so glad that years down the road when he gets married i will never once think "what if i would have just told him how i felt" i feel like that provides a sense of relief that almost overwhelms the sadness i have been feeling
I have never been too great at the whole carpe diem thing but i feel like this is a step towards living and thinking like that more often.
i know this is really cheesy but i watched this episode of Grey's Anatomy tonight and the main character pretty much summed it up she says "knowing is better than wondering, That waking is better than sleeping and that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistakes beats the hell out of never trying"

cass is never gonna let me live that one down
on another note i have to stop being such a pushover, i feel like i have gotten better but something that i remembered tonight really bothered me, I was thinking about my birthday this year, we went bowling and then we went to nick and kallen's to make a cookie monster, there was some discrepancy over where we were going to go to make the thing and dan and matt wanted to go to arbor cove and nick wanted to go to his place i remember thinking that i wanted to just go to our apartment since all of us were there so logically that would make sense but i didn't say anything to them even though i know if i would have just SAID something it would have been fine....we ended up going to nick's and dan and matt just went home, it kind of made me sad and it makes me more sad now. Why is it so hard for me to do that why should i think that any one else's opinion is more important than my own. why should others get what they want and not me?

Cassidy gets pretty mad about this, she knows i do it and it bugs her that is why i love her so much instead of taking advantage of me she gets on my case about it.

alright Dr. Mcdreamy is calling




Also, I recently discovered i am not a surgeon. It was quite disappointing.