yarg

this is driving me insane.

would he call me this much if he wasn't interested in me?

i just don't know, i hope so much that she is right

i guess i only have seven more days to worry about it.

i am such an idiot, i think i am done hanging out i need to work this next week and cut this crap out.

Another Grand day

despite my inability to sleep until 5:00 am last night today has been good. I went to spanish worked on religion homework and then met up with matt we sat and talked for an hour or so and then started down campus to the newspaper office on our way there we encountered a hewn down (ha hewn!) tree with a picture of The Lorax and i laughed of course and he was like what is that and i said its the lorax of course! and he was confused so he said lets go to the library and read it. So i showed him how to look books up on the catalogue and found the book and read it, it was nice. after that we went to the newspaper office and matt got the comics for his research paper etc. After that matt went home and i finished up my project went to class had a study group watched some movies for russian at the library then went to the closing social for activities. After that i came home and chilled with cass and got extremely hyper then cass, matt, tyleen and I went bowling and i broke my high score of 46 with a 62!!!!! woohoo! After bowling we came home and just watched funny videos on the internet like nerds. WOOHOO!


tonight we are going on a denny's run it will be absolutely superb!

mreh mreh mreh

I just wish it wasn't the end of the semester
and i wish i wasn't such a freaking huge wuss


he showed me pictures of his nieces and nephews today, they were adorable.

sometimes i think he does like me, but what if he is just being nice, he is a nice guy a very nice guy. how the crap am i supposed to know anyways?

i have a week and a half and then i won't see him for nine months arg stupid stupid timing!

alright i am done i am sorry...stupid insomnia making me emotional and dumb

The Timing is all Wrong

Today was good i got up went to spanish and then as i was walking out of the building matt called me and told me he was there chilling, so i went in and we ended up talking until about two it was so nice. he taught me about alfalfa and i showed him how to diagram a sentence, i know that is silly but it was pleasant. at two we decided to skip devotional and go to lunch so we got a hold of tyleen cass and dan and went to craigo's it was fun.

I know this is stupid but it makes me feel good when matt even pretends to be interested in the things that i am interested in. I know he doesn't care about diagramming sentences or books or anything like that but he makes an effort to talk to me about the things that i am passionate about, no one else in the group tries to talk to me about stuff like that and i really do appreciate it. I am sure he thinks i am a freak of nature or something mreh

tonight was our last time at adopt a grandparent it made me a little sad they are great people

I missed my 400th post

oh well happy 401st post to me!

i am just chilling with cassidy right now waiting for my next class as 3:15, I just found out that my grammar class is cancelled tomorrow so i am basically elated because that means i only have one more time in grammar woohoo!

I am so glad these crazies are back in town i missed them so much! I should have brought my book today...... i was inder the pretense that i would actually work on my crap for russian culture yeah right...

well here is a picture of all of us who went canoeing what a fun time!

awww yeah

this weekend has been so good!!!

last night after i finished my homework Jordan, Trica, Megan, and Megan's friend Mike came over and we made ice cream and just listened to music and sat and talked mike is a way cool kid and i always love hanging out with tricia and megan so it was a great time.

today i got up went to Sacred music saturday and then to breakfast in the boy's lounge--the elders quorum made it for us it was very nice of them. After that i came home and lissa and i decided to "do homework" and watch What Lies Beneath because i had neer seen it before so we did that then went to the store and went and chilled with J.W. at his work for a little. when i got home i promptly fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until jordan came over then we went outside and threw the football around a little it was a lot of fun. after that tricia came over and invited us to go CANOEING!! on the snake river, so we went from henry's fork to beaver dick park and it was so much fun!! My friend from my english class last semester came and we went in the same canoe with Jordie and he just let us relax while he did all the paddling it was so nice to just lay back and look at the stars aaaaaahhhhhhhh i can't even begin to describe how content i was. After that we went and crashed a bonfire it was funny. When we got back to the apartment jordan made some more ice cream and we watched Acceptance which was ok.
Today has been so good i just wish that this next week would just not happen bleeeeeeeeeeehhh

yo V.I.P, lets kick it

it is weird to think that at this time in two weeks it will be my last night in rexburg. Weird!!!! jordan just taught me how to spit it was awesome!

tonight has been very productive. yesterday should have been productive but it wasn't. The only really good thing i did was that tricia and I went running. It was good tricia was patient with me which i appreciate, she is running almost 5 miles a day now so while i was winded beyond belief by the time we got to the temple she was barely breaking a sweat it was fun nonetheless.

everyone left yesterday afternoon so i have been bored/lonely but luckily jordan likes me enough to hang around a bit. one of he bad things about them leaving is i am left with the couples. like last night for instance. I was in the living room just chilling with J.w. and Melissa and Jordan and Celeste. There is nothing like being a fifth wheel to remind you of your seemingly perpetual single status.

last week i finished reading my grandparents' personal histories it was way cool i wish they were still alive i just want to talk to them about everything. i am excited to start talking to my parents about their lives i think it will be so cool, one of the reasons i want to do it is because i know virtually nothing about my dad's dad, he died when dad was 19 and dad doesn't talk about him much i wouldn't want my children to not know my dad if something happens to him because he is such a neat person.

alright i should probably do my spanish homework now.............blehhhhhhhh

arg

stupid computer lost my post arg

this week has been good i have done a lot of playing and not much work i know shame on me. I only have seven days left of classes that is beautiful in my opinion.
This weekend Cass, Tyleen, Daniel and maybe matt are all going home so i will be by my lonesome again but it will be ok because then i can get a lot of work done. I want to finish my russian papers this week so i can go home for General Conference next weekend and not have to worry about them but i think it will be hard for me to motivate myself to do this.

i am pretty much giving up on the whole matt idea because 1. i don't think he would ever find me attractive and 2. if on the off chance he actually did what would be the point? we would kiss for two weeks and then i wouldn't see him for nine months not to mention it would probably make things awkward enough that it would destroy our friendship and then i couldn't hang out with all of them any more and it would suck. So basically for the first time ever i am going to be logical and just leave well enough alone. i am going to try as hard as i can to suppress any feelings i have for him and just be his friend.

alright well i best get to writing my paper.

LA LA LA LAAAAAA

Today is a good day this whole weekend muah just marvelous
friday night cass jordan matt tyleen and daniel all went up to salmon so i was all by my lonesome. I did all my homework for this next week and around 10:30 tricia and megan came over and we decided to go pranking!
so we got in tricia's car and went on over to the local grocery store and bought some dry ice (best quote of the night by the way: tricia saying to the store clerk "you can make bombs out of ice?" hahhahaha) and some two liter bottles of pop. This was my first time doing dry ice bombs so i was pretty excited, we first went to the dorm we lived in last year and it was so hilarious, we were in the lounge when it went off and it was so loud!! we went out there and a whole bunch of people came out and were all confused looking bwhahahhaha! then we went up to The Ridge (the ritzy apartment complex) and did one there. it was awesome because we walked by right after it went off so we went over and talked to a bunch of guys who lived there and they had no idea bwhahahahha!! after that we did a couple by our apartment complex and it was PIMP!

i got up and we went to enrichment-- had lunch colored pictures for some literacy books. after that i came home read Weasel some book that matt just loves and then started reading Dandelion Wine by ray bradbury, for the umpteenth time, which made me want to go on a bike ride really bad for some reason, so i found my great grandparents old address when they lived in rexburg, hopped on lindsey's bike and went on my way. It was so cool to see where they lived!! i am a nerd like that i suppose.

after that i read some more then everyone came home finally! so cass took a shower and then we went to the park to film some stuff for a video she is making for her sister and that was fun, after that we went and tried to find matt dan and tyleen but none of them were home. So we go to our apartment and who is sitting outside our apartment but matt!! so we just chilled and talked and it was fun. So we chilled at home and then i had to go to the store blah blah blah came home and then went to daniel's from there we went and got some grub and a movie and just chilled it was a pleasant night.

Today was awesome too i got up and made dinner (pasta salad yum!) and then went to church which was just absolutely wonderful! after church tyleen came over and then matt and we all had dinner together it was so nice. After that we went on a walk to tyleen's special park, it was such a nice day and it was so wonderful to just lay in the grass mmmmm. After that i came home and they all went and played volleyball, while i read, wrote some and talked to briki. after that matt called and came and picked me up and i read him my new favorite dylan thomas poem (included below) then we went to dan's and decided to go watch a movie outside on cass' lap top it was fun especially since it was a little cold and i was sitting next to matt BOW! bwhahhaha

it was just a really really good weekend.

please read this poem out loud to do it justice.


The spire cranes. Its statue is an aviary.
From the stone nest it does not let the feathery
Carved birds blunt their striking throats on the salt gravel,
Pierce the spilt sky with diving wing in weed and heel
An inch in froth. Chimes cheat the prison spire, pelter
In time like outlaw rains on that priest, water,
Time for the swimmers' hands, music for silver lock
And mouth. Both note and plume plunge from the spire's hook.
Those craning birds are choice for you, songs that jump back
To the built voice, or fly with winter to the bells,
But do not travel down dumb wind like prodigals.
--Dylan Thomas

Sometimes

i get these overwhelming urges to do something absurdly angsty like read sylvia plath in the rain

i like having my computer with me on campus it is so much easier to blog this way

by 11:15 tomorrow my life will be simple again it is greatly anticipated

I am really good at procrastinating

i am thats all i have done for the last three days and i will continue to do it the rest of he week. This week has been hellish two tests and two papers in four days not to mention a thousand pounds of spanish homework to do bleh.

part of my procrastination last night involved watching Jesus Camp with matt, cass, and Tyleen it was very interesting and kind of creepy. Matt has to watch all of these "cultural" films for his anthropology class and i kind of like watching things like that so i have been watching movies with him it has been fun he is a good kid. apparently it isn't just me who is stressed out of their mind i just saw cass and she seemed pretty strung out.

i can't believe we only have three and a half weeks left of school, not even that much for me because my last final is on the fifth. I can tell the next bit here is really going to suck but i guess that is just how it goes. I still haven't decided what to do for the summer i know i will be home at least but i don't have any sort of a plan for a job and i really don't want a crappy job for five months mreh mreh mreh

alright i must write my paper

back again

sorry about the birthday hiatus things have been pretty intense at school and this weekend i went home for the first time this semester. It was wonderful i love being with my family so very very much i should be in spanish right now but i looked on my syllabus for my ed class and it said i had a paper due so i started to write it and what not and i realized that our teacher said it wouldn't be due till wednesday so now if i went to spanish i would be like 20 minutes late anyways so i just decided to screw it and study for my grammar test instead. mreh here is something funny for you

ancy

i am feeling awfully fidgety this evening i think i will go on a walk here in a bit, i don't know why i am feeling like this i didn't think prison break wound me up this much. maybe i am just giddy because i spent a good amount of time with someone i find quite attractive but that was hours ago but then again he did call a short while ago to see how prison break was going mreeeehhh

i hate when i start liking boys because i get obsessive diana is the same way we just sit and stew and think grrr and it becomes irritating

i am trying to sort my feelings out about my 20th birthday which is quickly approaching i am not sure how i feel, well i guess i do, i feel old. I am scared what the next year will bring for me, preston will get home my sister will have her baby and i will start preparing for a mission. weird weird weird. not being a teenager always seemed so distant to me like i would never get there and when i did i would be ready for it, i am afraid i am not. Although i do feel that i have grown up a ton this last year i am not ready to be twenty years old

i can't wait any longer to see my sis i miss her so very much

today has been normal except everything is really chill at the apartment because everyone's mom is here already it is nice and quiet so i am going to clean my room a little bit and do some spanish homework then go to russian culture and then work out and then they will be here!! and it will be great!

impending doom in the form of book club

I am a wee bit nervous for tonight we are discussing man's search for meaning and i am not sure if i fully grasp the subject matter but mreh we will see how it goes today has been pleasant class and a study group and more class, i am so excited for my family to be here i may explode only 24 more hours WOOHOOO

Another delay, Too many hassels, Where do we go, How do we follow

LALALALALALA i love today i think


went to spanish it was a grand old time as always then i proceeded to finish reading All Quiet On the Western Front made me cry stupid book saw matt and chatted for a bit then ran into good old nick and we went and passed out some book marks 350 to be exact that was a joyous time. after that we walked back up to the ricks building and lo and behold who is asleep on a couch, matt of course! so cass, who was passing, woke him up and matt and I ended up talking for about a hour and a half, it was very pleasant, he is a good person to talk to just funny and down to earth, there is not much pretense about that boy and i find it endearing.

and here comes the predicament, i have reached the point where i need to decide if i want to do the logical thing and keep my distance and maybe back up more or if i should blindly follow my emotions and let myself get more attached and more involved. Things to take into mind: 1. i am going home in a month 2. he won't be here in the fall 3. i might not come back winter 4. i don't know how he feels about me at all, he may think i am the most irritating person on the planet, but like i said he is not one for pretense i don't think he would call me etc if he didn't want to.

mreh i am not going to worry about it tonight i am going to watch prison break and sit close.

dreams

i had an odd set of dreams last night. I first dreamt about matt we were outside somewhere and we just started embracing, we just stayed that way fro a long time it was so pleasant to be held. The next involved diana and preston we were at this beauty pagent that diana was in and preston and i were wandering around the hotel i was trying to find diana and when i finally did i was so happy because i hadn't talked to her yet after i talked to her preston and i decided we wanted to go work out, but preston was in a wheel chair and was paralyzed from the waist down so i went to go get ready and i couldn't find my gym clothes so i just went in jeans, so preston and i lifted weights and then i went to find dia again and she was in this party and at first i couldn't get in and i was so frustrated but then finally the bouncer guy let me in. So i went and sat down with diana and she was a little bit drunk. we just sat and talked about what was going on around us.


i really do not want to go to school today.

i want to stay home and watch buffy the vampire slayer with melissa oh well

oh yes here is the south park version of my family that my brother in law made we are awesome

mreh mreh mreh

yesterday was a decent day i started getting irritated during the evening so i went to my room and read Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli i just adore that book and it made me feel better. at around 10:30 matt came over and he and chris and cassidy and i sat and talked in the kitchen for a good while they are good boys i like hanging out with them it makes me happy we started talking about how we probably shouldn't watch so much Prison Break and matt said well we can just watch it sparingly and do other things to like read a book and talk about it maybe and i said matt do you know how long i have been waiting for someone to say that to me? and he looked at me like i was a freak. hahahhaha mreh

anyhow we decided to exchange favorite books so i gave him my copy of catcher in the rye and he told me to get All Quiet on the Western Front from the library i started it today even though i should be reading Man's Search for Meaning since book club is on thursday (ACK) but i couldn't find it at the library any how All Quiet on the Western Front is pretty good thus far but we will see how it goes alright i am out of here

a moment alone

i see Prison Break taking over my life luckily there are only two seasons of it ahhhh tonight was fun it got me excited for next weekend for some reason. I just can't wait to see dad mom and diana it will be so nice





his name would be wentworth