Yesterday was great just an all around good day at church followed by an even more excellent chat with my brothers.
during sacrament meeting we talked about faith
and something clicked in me
i have always had this struggle with ambition and being motivated always, i just can't seem to care, apathy is just something i have dealt with for a long time sunday i think i realized why that is.
I am just scared, i am too scared to try my hardest at anything because if i do and i fail then what am i? sub standard and there is nothing that can fix that if i have tried my hardest i am just a failure.
because of this i just don't try very hard it is not like i am stupid i am actually quite intelligent but it is easier for me to not try very hard and get a 2.8 then try my hardest and only end up with like 3.5 why put forth the effort when i don't think the outcome is worthwhile.
I have found that i have taken the same path with my faith i have failings i have temptations that i have given into but what if i just don't repent well enough what if i just can't get to the point where i feel like i am a good person again even though i tried my hardest. And i do realize that that is a big part of what the atonement is but it is just hard to grasp i guess i just need to try harder.
So i am feeling good i feel like i can fix this that i don't have to be perfect but i do need to try my hardest and even if i don't succeed to where i want to be then at least i know i tried.
1 comment:
Cool photo. Very thought provoking post.
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