A Hiatus

I am leaving for vegas tomorrow at 7 it will be grand

I hope everyone has a great weekend

expect many pictures

I am not dead, not yet

i haven't posted in quite a while so i thought i would do that tonight today kind of sucked cause i woke up feeling pretty dang crappy so i called sick into work and i think my boss is pissed but i don't care because it is not my fault that i got sick and they are understaffed anyways.

not bitter i promise.

so me and james watched dances with wolves this afternoon which was pleasant i enjoyed what i saw of it very much and this evening because i was feeling a bit better i went to cpr and first aid training and that was good i am pretty sleepy this evening bleh

work has been ok lately just as tiring as ever david left to west point yesterday morning i believe his first day was today i wish him all the luck in the world

so i am taking a trip to las vegas this weekend to see a friend of mine from college get married it will be grand i am going with tricia so that is exciting it will be loads of fun alright i am off to bed

10.10X8.4X3.10

i am feeling like an idiot
i got contacts today so that is cool but not why i am an idiot

i don't even want to write about it, i don't deserve any sort of pity for the situation i have put myself into i am just such an idiot

i am an idiot but i am not as hurt as i thought i would be it is just more like meh oh well so it goes


but still an idiot nonetheless

i guess i am lucky that my feelings didn't get hurt horribly
it is more like a twinge

do you ever get the feeling that you're tired and would you tell me if you did

funny, yes?

arg

i saw and spoke with ziv for the first time since january this evening.

it is annoying how attractive i still find him

we didn't speak much i made an effort not to but even in the few moments we did arg i just bleh

tonight was fun i hung out with the library crew


minus elise and plus whitney

i always forget how much i enjoy their company they talk about real things tonight it was religion and wether smatter was a word

i keep wondering will i ever see him and not be attracted to him even after he hurt me so bad there is something arg

cool survey thing

its an electronic update of the classic surrealist questions game the exquisite corpse. The idea is that you answer all the questions by typing your answer into Google Image search and post the answer in the form of an image that comes up. For poetic license well say you can choose from the first 10 results but the idea is, of course, to work with the randomness of the responses.

1. What makes you happy?

2. What are you most ashamed of in yourself?

3. Where do you see yourself in ten years?


4. What is the first thing you remember?


5. What has gotten you through the darkest hour?


6. What does your parents' house smell like?


7. What word do you use far too often?


8. One word you associate with your best-kept secret


9. One word describing a recurring theme in your dreams?


10. What disgusts you in others?

Things Are Looking Up

*david is home and well
*Virginia ate breakfast this morning
* i am going to take a nap

Death

deaths come in threes huh

my baby brother found out tonight that one of his friends died while climbing today.

a lady i work with named virginia quit eating today i suspect she will go sometime this week.

it is odd how trivial car commercials become when you are waiting for news of that magnitude

I don't care if it is a wooden cup, just don't tap on it

my weekend has been full of

The Office:



:


The Zoo

and


Engagements!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations Jamesie!!!!!!!!!!!!

June 8 2006

Since blogger has been ridiculous here is a post for a few days ago

Meh a lot of dumb but good things happened last night to make a long story short I told cory I had feelings for him he told me he reciprocated but has a girlfriend he said he never really pursued me because he knew nothing could ever happen between us because of various reasons it was sad and good so we will be friends and it will be fine.

This morning at 5 I got together with Briki Maddie and Anne we went to breakfast it was fun but I am so exhausted tonight I guess getting up that early then working wasn’t really the smartest thing I could have ever done meh.

I am excited tomorrow whit elise and i are going to have an "Office" party we have all episodes of the british version and 7 episodes of the american version including the oh so fabulous season finale it will be grand elise is bringing desert whit is bringing the main course and i am making appetizers that are amazing maybe i will post the recipe.

Tonight was fun it rained pretty hard here so we went out and wandered about in the rain and in awesome coats




i am feeling good tonight better than i was this afternoon or yesterday actually better then most of the week i am ready for some sleep

mreh

i don't know about today it was good i guess i am tired i wish i could have played more tonight it is frustrating but oh well i guess i am going to see if i can get next thursday and friday off cause DAVID COMES HOME ON TUESDAY!!!!! that makes me happy alright i am out

i am just trying to figure things out

i am trying to make sense of the emotional break downs i have had in the past week i am trying to figure out why i am so sad

it is frustrating to come home after a party and sob because i am hungry and i can't find anything to eat or because i can't find my sweatpants

it is frustrating to be listening to music and just breaking down because some memory that hasn't manifested itself in over a year suddenly pops up

I don't want to be sad i don't want to cry i don't want to be tired at night i wish i could have energy enough to be entertaining to my friends again

"I look like a girl, i ate like a man"-- Andrew

Sometimes after reading a lot in a small period of time i find myself narrating my life like a novel in my head.

that is weird.

last night i went to a Love You Long Time in provo. it was an outdoor venue actually an apartment complex. I got to see Matt, Tricia and Taylor. it was awesomely fun the only damper on the evening was saying good bye to matt. I am hoping that i will be able to maintain some sort of contact over the next two years.

In Ben Lee's album Breathing Tornadoes, he sounds like phil collins, and i am alright with that.

I have started fight club it is weird but good i have enjoyed it thus far.

lallala

work was good today i got to help opal get ready for her doctor's appointment so i put her make up on her got dressed helped her do her hair it was a pleasant break from the tedium of cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming she is such a sweetheart.

It is weird how much your relationship changes with someone after you bathe them. One lady named Nellie in particular i have seen this in. after tuesday when i gave her a bath she told me she loved me, she wants me to sit and talk with her instead of cleaning.

i will be sad when i go back to school and i wont get to see these ladies they are so sweet to me.

It is only when I am exhausted and I can’t sleep, when I sink into some unexplained brief depression, when I feel like I have messed things up beyond repair, when Frasier makes me teary eyed, when even a comfy robe chocolate and stuffed animals can’t help me shake the feelings of regret, failure, then I let my guard down and I let myself remember being held when I was frustrated, sitting on grass crying into a half empty ice cream bowl while he told me he didn’t want to love me.

And I just want it to all go away

And it will after I sleep and work and see Matt Erdmann for the last time, after I call whitney and make sure everything is fine, after I finally get home tomorrow night exhausted, realizing that there are only two days of the week left



Winds

kind of funny

So this weekend was interesting, Saturday I went with my brother in-law to Conduit 16 a science fiction/fantasy convention we went because joe has to do a documentary for one of his classes this semester so he thought this would be an interesting place to start it was really interesting and kind of funny and kind of sad but fascinating. We did some interviews and just wandered around everyone was very willing to talk to us we stayed for around two hours and then i went with mom to the cemetery to clean up grandma and grandpa's, great grandma and grandpa's, and my great aunt virginia's graves it was raining and hecka cold but worth it it was good. saturday night we went back to "The Con", as the participants referred to it as, for the Masquerade which was essentially a costume contest we did some more interviews and i got slightly chatted up by a guy dressed as a Knight which was sad he was pretty cute. After that i went back to Liz and Joe's and we just chilled i ended up sleeping over there so that was fun. Sunday was good i went to the singles ward again and it was pleasant. i was going to go to ward prayer but i got to scared to go to it by myself. At seven me and Andrew went to a sunday school barbecue with the people in my home ward that was pretty entertaining they are good people. alright i am off to the races

woohoo

lets see catching up

yesterday i had my first big clean up job one of the ladies had quite the accident resulting in poop everywhere in the bathroom so that was interesting and gross also debra asked me to work today and i agreed like an idiot disregarding the fact that i had plans for the premier of x men 3 at midnight. so yeah x men was awesome last night was so much fun though totally worth it. I ended up going to bed at about 3 and getting up at 6:30 then i worked till 11 came home ate slept took a bath and now i am just chilling out it is nice to be able to relax.

despite all my whining about my job i do really enjoy it. helping people is so rewarding and every time one of them gives me a hug or a kiss on the cheek it makes everything a million times better. They are all such sweet people.

i was feeling a little lonely last night it is frustrating i don't want to feel like having a relationship will make me a happier person bleh

bleh

i have no desire to go to work tomorrow i am so freaking tired

today was alright i met the other lady i will be working with i don't like her very much there was a lot of jaw clenching and cheek biting going on luckily she only comes in from 11-2 on mondays and wednesdays

arg not a pleasant woman and she is always yelling.

i think the best part of the day was when i leaned down to give louise a hug and she gave me a kiss on the cheek and when angie rolled her eyes at the lady i don't like.

It makes me sad to think that i will never really know angie i love that lady so much and i have only known her two days she has probably had a good life all i know is that she had 4 children 3 girls and one boy and one of the girls died and that she is from new york sometimes when i sit with her and she talks about random things i can here her accent a little bit it is cute alright i am out

ack

today was nice i talked to tricia, megan, and mary they made me miss idaho a lot.

So my boss called me and wants me to come in tomorrow so i guess i will go do that. it will suck a bit because i have to take the bus normally that wouldn't really bug me but i am going to end up there about twenty minutes early because of the bus schedule and what not but oh well it will be fine. oh yes here is my new hair cut that is not very new any longer