I am an Aunt!!

pretty exciting if you ask me

holy hannah

a lot has happened

david and james went to school a week ago today, i started a new job on wednesday, jamie told me he has a mouth tumour on thursday, i said my goodbyes to briki and whit, found out that Myrl one of the ladies from the rest home i worked in last year passed away, and andrew moved home yesterday, today i taught sunday school and liz and joe came over for dinner which was followed by contractions every five minutes and hope for a nephew before the day is through.

i love my job

i love my church

i love my friends

i love my family

i am anxious about school.

friday

today was pretty good, i slept at Elise's last night after we hung out with good old david and that was fun. I came home around eight thirty and mom and I went to go help a friend of her's in her friend's library. Apparently some horrible tech guy erased her entire library catalog so we were there from 9 to 2:30 helping her start to enter everything back in. I am hoping i can do this more it is good experience and i like looking at all the books, not to mention Kathy is a really cool lady. after coming home diana and i went to the bank/library/starbucks it was very pleasant i am glad diana is home it is fun to hang out with her more. this evening whitney and hans came over for a bit and we had a good chat. After they left i started feeling a little down and dad suggested i go work out so i started riding the bike and got sick of that after about five minutes, and then i went running. by myself. it was really good. i want to do it more, i always felt like i was bad at it but it helps to have music etc. it made me feel better anyhow. well i guess i am going to go sleep or something

Things i learned while working at Nike

1. there is a whole lot of crap in this world and by crap i mean ugly Nike apparel
2. there is nothing in the world i loathe more than mesh shirts
3. a whole lot of bonding can go on over hangers
4. attitude breeds attitude and to give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
5. Nike is the greek goddess of victory.
6. having ten hours a day to think about things is both good and bad.

another night

chris came and got me at 11 and we spent a couple of hours chatting again it was nice.

He is going on a road trip by himself on wednesday so i made him a cd and what not.

here is my problem with chris, i don't want to be attracted to him, i want to be his friend. i don't want to wait with anticipation for the end of the night when he will hug me, i don't want to worry about how many times i call him or what i look like when i see him, i don't want to censor myself around him. I just want our friendship to be like me and jamie's. no attraction. just friends. i am going to try really hard to ignore my feelings, i stopped liking matt didn't i? the problem is i have already talked to chris about things that i have only told whitney and diana, i am just screwing myself over so unless i can get my feelings in check i don't think i should have anymore late night talks with him or else this will turn into a preston/jacob/clint situation, good friends with one sided feelings, i don't know that i could deal with that.

on to other things...

last night at B&N there was this guy, pretty attractive not to mention he was buying Dostoevsky's The Idiot which is hot in itself. Anyhow jamie kept goading me to go talk to him but i couldn't bring myself to do it, what on earth would i say in a situation like that? i think your cute. we should hang out? the very thought of it makes me ill probably because that is just about the last thing i would want anyone to ever know, i know it is childish but the thought of someone knowing i felt that way is absolutely mortifying.

so here is my real question, how freaked out would you be if a semi-attractive girl in B&N hit on you? is this socially acceptable?

ok i need to work out or something

An Interesting Saturday

Yesterday was nice, i went to Liz's baby shower and then came home and just chilled. At six thirty we went to karen's family's household for a going away-ish barbecue it was a lot of fun. I really like her family they are funny and easy to talk to we are lucky that james married into such a cool family. So we ate and talked etc till around nine and then i called chris, he was on his way to go see the bourne ultimatum and i really wasn't feeling that so i decided to stay home and work on my sunday school lesson so that was good.

At about twenty to one chris called me and asked me if i just wanted to talk for a while so he came and got me and we ended up driving around until about 4 in the morning. It was a good experience and it made me realized that i am perfectly content with chris' friendship and nothing more.
We talked about all sorts of things ranging from religion to our families, what i really like about chris is that i feel like he is a very genuine person and that makes me feel good.

During the course of our conversation i told him about my struggles with my "hot" friends/sister and how i often feel pushed to the background and he sympathized well...i never realized that guys could experience the same thing, but when i think about chris' friends i understand how he felt that way too. I just wanted to tell him that even if he didn't think so, that there were girls out there who thought he was more attractive than his friends, i figure it would just fall on deaf ears anyway because i generally disregard people who say things like that to me. Not to mention i didn't want to give myself away, i tend to blurt things out quite readily late at night so i am glad i kept everything in check.

i am glad that chris and i could reconnect, he told me that he didn't know why he felt like he could be so open with me. It is just a good feeling to be trusted like that it makes me very happy. ok well i am going to go have some ice cream with papa bouli

pictures from yesterday

work

and not much else since i started, my hours are 8 to 6 monday though friday and i don't get home till about 6:45 and then i generally leave to go hang out with people so i haven't had much time for the blogging world.

today my sis had a baby shower and that was nice only two more weeks and i will be and aunt!! so exciting.

my dear jamesie and karen are leaving next week i will miss them so much, james is going to do so well in law school

whitney leaves for china next week too so it will be a hard one i think

this summer has gone by really fast i think i am so excited to go back to rexburg but i always have this aversion to change, i know i will have so much fun up there but all i can think about is james leaving and andrew leaving and whit leaving and how when i come home again it just will be so very different.

Tonight i will be going to a barbecue at Karen's family's abode and then i am hanging out with chris so that will be nice i am sure alright i am out

Employment

i am employed.

restocking merchandise for 12$ an hour, alas it only lasts a week oh well.

i have to go to work now

how strange.

good day-ish

today was goodish

i went a bit of a hike up to cecret lake up little cottonwood it was absolutely gorgeous up there and i saw a moose! this afternoon i just hung out with mom and read the fountainhead (i know i can't believe i am still reading it ) this evening dad and i will be watching the last mimsy and i am sure that will be grand. I have felt kind of grumpy this evening i don't know why but i just don't feel very happy right now alright i am out

JAMES!

go look at the sibling blog

who am I kidding

diana made fun of me for posting that "chris is a cool kid" or whatever it it that i said down there because on the way home he is all that i talked about.
i would be full of lies if i said that i didn't feel something for him last night now the question is do i let these feelings progress or do i stymie them so as to save my feelings.
my problem is is that i am having trouble reading these signals of his they are very confusing.

i think i will take karen's advice and see if his behavior is consistent gosh i am a nerd.

i am more than half way through with Harry Potter 7 it is just excellent

amazing night

so basically the last two days have been absolutely wonderful.
Yesterday i went down to salt lake to pick up diana and we ended up hanging out with our friend kayla for a couple hours and that was really fun after that i came home and got ready to go camping i left at about 2:30 and we bought some food and thus began our adventure. we went to about 4 different campsites in both canyons and all were full so we ended up hiking up white pine trail for a ways playing in a stream and then going back to whit's. At whitney's we ate some food and called some people and went swimming it was way fun because diana and marcus came and Hans was there and a few of his friends as well as Jamie and Chris it was so much fun!


I spent a lot of time talking to/ harassing chris, he is such a cool kid.
well i am off to work

i am writing this post only to assure myself of my sanity

i can't sleep i talked to matt i talked to cass and i can't sleep so i turned on the tv and found this pbs show about ferrets or rather people who are obsessed with ferrets this program is absurd i came to this conclusion when more than one of the women being interviewed started crying about The Rainbow Bridge
i just don't understand this.

today sucked then i went boating and it stopped sucking

we left about three to go up to Jordanelle it was absolutley gorgeous i tried my hand at wakeboarding (i was so close to actually getting up!) and then we went tubing it was so awesome and wonderful ahh i love the boat! tomorrow i am going camping with some friends up the canyon and that will very pleasant AND i found a canoe to rent so we will be going canoeing here in a bit and that will be so grand i do love canoeing ok i am going to pass out goodnight

Thoughts whilst lurking

I was lurking about on facebook this evening and came a crossed a profile of one of the more "popular" girls in my high school class whom i wasn't too fond of. While i lurked i kept wondering why i had these ill feelings towards this girl because now that i thought about it she was actually always quite pleasant to me. It must have been her perfectly coifed hair and her always stylish and nice clothing that i so detested.
I remember feeling a distinct sense of inadequacy around girls like that, even with my disillusioned view of their lower intelligence my self-esteem couldn't be tricked into feeling as good or as pretty as they were.

interesting how the mind of a girl works at any age.

A List of Likes and Dislikes in the Early Morning Hours

Likes:
1. Young Richard Dreyfus
2. Julia Roberts
3. Howard Roark
4. Honeydew
5. Interactive Male Commercials

Dislikes:
1. Faux-Enagaement pictures
2. Ho's
3.Bad Comedians
4. Spiders
5. Waiting for a call

weight-loss update

Weight Lost:5 lbs.
Inches Lost: .5

Back in Rexburg

I went to Rexburg this last weekend to go to a wedding reception and also to just hang it, it was a lot of fun, i got to see tricia and melissa and JW and jordan and matt, it was just wonderful. i had such a good time. It was weird being up there with out cass though and i decided she is one of the reasons why i love being in idaho so i was missing her a lot this weekend.

it was really nice to see matt, i talk to him a lot on the phone so it was good to be with him in person even though i feel like it is easier for me to talk to him over the phone it was still pleasant, he is pretty dang attractive but i am not going to worry about that for another six months since that is when i will see him next ahhhh.


well one exciting thing that happened over the weekend was that we started a fire in tricia's apartment it was pretty hilarious so here are some pictures anyhow i hope that everyones weekend was just spectacular

I am the most awkward person alive

funny how things have been going the past week i have run into two boys that i was infatuated with in the past. yesterday jamie and i went to the library. There we say Owen I of course turned into a giggling blushing mess who couldn't string an intelligent sentence together to save her life and he of course was hilarious and attractive. I keep going over it in my head and wanting ralph on someone gosh i am such an idiot. But for some reason or another he got my phone number from me before he left, i think he realizes the power he has over me and enjoys it because he just kept staring at me and i just kept giggling like a freaking idiot. not to mention the fact that jamie is completely unable to make small talk so there were plenty of awkward pauses to pass around. mreh

here it is

chris is in the front eric in the back then whitney and me!