oh yes, the end is near

Today was basically the best fourth of july ever in existence

I got up and ran this morning then Kyle called and he and Tim and Ali came and picked me up, from there we proceeded to mini golf where i made quite the fool of myself, got a sunburn and essentially took Tim on a date ;) he was being pretty cute opening my door for me and what not and being flirty or whatever but mreh...nothing big

After that we went to kyle's and watched Star Trek for a disgusting amount of time, then dia and i went home for dinner. Kyle and Ali came over after dinner for ice cream and we just sat and chatted for a good while it was really funny to see kyle around my parents he was so.....gentlemanly it was weird and hilarious. We then proceeded to Tim's house where we sat and talked for a while....we started talking about Tim again and Kyle said he had talked to Tim about me but wouldn't tell me what was said.....i definitely felt like i was in the 7th grade i think i have posted about this before but i always feel that way when crap like this happens i just feel like a child even though i know that being attracted to someone is just the way things go that it is a normal thing that i shouldn't be embarrassed about but whenever i talk about i am all the sudden transformed into this insecure miserable 7th grader bleh anyhow i was freaking out a little and then Tim called and we all went over to his place where we looked at his yearbook (hilarious) and chatted for a while. we then decided to watch red dawn this heinously bad 80's movie with patrick swayze where the russians invade and they stage a revolt ridiculous.....anyhow tim came and sat by me and we were sitting pretty close and i was like balls to the wall man so i just put my little head right on his shoulder and then before i knew it we were holding hands and cuddling like there was no tomorrow. so very very very nice

the movie ended pretty late but Tim and Kyle wanted to watch more and i probably would have stuck around but Ali and Diana were tired and i most certainly would have done something stupid if i would have stayed....aaaahhhh


but here i am already feeling worried about all this....i think this stems back to the Justin Lord debacle....what if he didn't really want to hold my hand, what if he was just humoring me what if this is nothing and i am getting all excited about nothing at all, what if he is laying in bed right now cursing himself for ever even looking at me


I know i shouldn't even think about this but i really hope things work out Tim is a nice guy he makes me feel....taken care of which is kind of what i have been needing lately