Some Thoughts

Everytime I get slighted by Jacob it always produces a certain feeling of inadequacy that fumbles around in my thoughts for the remainder of the day. I felt bad when i found out he actually did come and visit tonight but what am i supposed to do just sit around and wait on his all too often empty promise of a visit. I suppose i have always known that I need him more than he needs me. Last semester he is what kept me going for a while there someone i could depend on even with all his back pocket girls i always felt like i was important and that i meant something to him. Now i feel like a chore. like someone from your hometown you don't really like but are obligated to spend a meal with. I would rather he didn't bother. It all reminds me of a discussion that we had in my english class today about expectations. High expectations are good right that insinuates a glass half full person and isn't optimism a good thing? But if I hadn't expected Jacob to sit next to me at devotional today and ask me genuinely ask me how i was and take some sort of interest in my life I wouldn't be writing now and if i hadn't expected him to walk me to class i wouldn't have wanted to be skinny and blonde.

then again if i hadn't expected him to back out on his promise to drop by tonight none of that really would have mattered.