Timp Cave+ Tim= loads of fun

Self Portrait # 6/ all better

Things are a lot better now....Tim and i kinda had a thing, i have just been paranoid that i am a rebound for him after cassie, they only broke up a year ago so i was freaking out about it a little bit and then she calls on monday at like 10:30 and i kind of blew up at him a little and said some really hurtful things but i apologized and he apologized and everything is all better now. He told me that he was genuinely interested in me and that although he still cares about her he has no feelings for her that would get in t he way of our relationship "progressing" whatever that means

This weekend we are going to Timp cave with the family i am sure it will be just great.

Self Portrait # 5

Self Portrait # 4/ Bad day

Tonight it
was not hard
to leave your arms
to peel
you
and her
off of me

Tonight it
was not hard
to see her there
holding you back
while my
relentless emotion
persists

Tonight it
was not hard
to run
to my basement room
where the voice
of the anti-me
reverberates
across my skull

wondering
if in your head, her face
slips over mine
while in the throes of passion
or tenderness

best weekend ever?

pretty much

Yesterday i went with my mom to go hear some local authors speak and i got to have a little chat with Ann Cannon who wrote a book called Cal Cameron by day Spiderman by Night that i have read at least fifteen times. It was awesome being able to talk to her about that book that i love so much.

at around five I got a hold of Tim and we decided to make a our Trek down the Jordan River Parkway....the parkway is essentially a biking/walking path that follows the jordan river along the path there are various parks etc the parkway goes a long ways, all the way into SLC, Tim and i rode about seven miles down to the international peace gardens where we looked around it was beautiful there when we got back to the car we decided to go to this place called the Philidelphian for dinner. It was hands down the shadiest place i have ever been, but it was THE BEST pastrami sandwich that has ever entered my mouth accompanied by amazing onion rings that were like scones ahhhh it was so freaking good. after that we went back to Tim's and i cut his hair for him it was an extremely pleasant evening

Good Night

This week has been so very nice...I have spent a ton of time with Tim mostly just hanging out it has been very nice. Today was great I got off of work at around noon and called Tim to see if he wanted to go to lunch, i drove up to Stampin'Up and got him and we went to chik-fil-a just up the road lunch was good a bunch of his co workers ambushed us because they wanted to see me, Tim told me he had been talking me up, so meeting them was a little nerve wracking and i did a lot of blushing and a lot of awkwarding, Tim is so sweet though he told me that my blushing was adorable and that my awkwardness was one of the reasons he likes me which is confusing....

Tonight we went up the canyon to make a fire and watch a movie on his laptop but instead of watching the movie we just talked and sat with each other it was so very pleasant. I love just being with him. after that we went back to his place and just chilled some more now i am home and i haven't bee able to sleep.

I am excited for the rest of the summer even though there are only two weeks left Tim and I are going to go on a bike ride down the Jordan River Parkway which I am pretty excited about. I am sad that he has to start school next week I am sure we won't be able to see each other as much


well i guess i will try and sleep

The Tim

Last night Tim and I went to dinner with Diana her boyfriend Adrien (who is visiting from Amsterdam) and Ali and Kyle, it was a lot of fun. Afterwards we went and hiked up to Ensign Peak it was absolutely breathtaking there...we could see the whole city. Things with Tim have been going really well, i am feeling a lot less insecure about everything which is nice. here is a picture of Tim, isn't he cute?

Self Portrait # 3

Self Portrait #2

Self Portrait #1

Nick is doing ten self portraits and invited all who wanted to join in....I will be doing verbal as well as visual portraits and here is my #1!


Tonight
I will sleep bare,
No comforter, no sheets

Tonight
I will curl into
only pillows
and headphones

Tonight
I won't think
of what will be
but what is

Tonight
I will sleep bare,
No comforter, no sheets

vacay

Well folks it is that time again. vacation time!!!! I feel like i have gone on a lot of trips this summer (really only two) it has been really nice. Tomorrow i drive to Boise straight from work where i will hook up with Tyleen and then we will drive to kennewick to get Cass and then to the beautiful Oregon coast!!!! I am very excited!

This week has been good, on monday I made dinner for Tim and his roommate Kip and then Tim studied and while he did that he made me read this comic book called The Pirate Club which was....interesting and actually better than i thought it would be, I had never read a comic book before so it was a good experience after that we just talked and cuddled and fell asleep it was a very pleasant evening.

So yesterday i called him and he never called me back and it sort of freaked me out...I know it shouldn't and i know i am being a stupid girl about this but ack it just makes me nervous I hate being so insecure i wish i could just roll with it...he was probably just tired and busy he had a test today, I am sure we will talk tonight I am hoping we will go to lunch tomorrow since he will leaving for the long anticipated Jeep trip with Kyle while i am on my trip, I am sad he won't be back till the 11th


This has kind of been a big week, tomorrow Liz, Joe and Ezra move to Arizona I am pretty sad I will miss them so very much, I feel so lucky to have been able to spend time with them this summer Ezra is so much fun to be around.

well i better go get ready

feeling better

Tim has had a lot of studying to do this week...it has made me insecure because well i am catherine and that is what happens

Yesterday was particularly bad I had convinced myself that he never wanted to talk to me again that he was avoiding me and then he called...and i went to his house, we ate cinnamon rolls watched 30 rock and cuddled it was very pleasant.

Tonight will be good I am going running here in a sec and then i will shower and hopefully hang out with tim some time

I am ready for my parents to be home, even though this week has been really nice i miss them

Wow if I thought having PMS whilst i was single was bad......I feel so insecure right now I hung out with him last night, when I got home and thought about the night i just kicked myself for things i said and did even though i am sure i am just being ridiculous but he hasn't called tonight and I am freaking out I sure he will and that everything is just fine but i can't help thinking maybe i messed things up last night maybe he will never talking to me maybe he is regretting ever getting into anything with me.

bloggy blog

so last friday i went to Tim's we watched Rambo sat and talked and then he kissed me and it was amazing. i kinda threw it all on the table after that I asked him what he wanted from this and I told him i wanted to date him and that i hated playing the game. He told me that was fine and that he hated it too he then proceeded to tell me that he hadn't been active in the church for the past three years and that that was one of the reasons he and his last girlfriend had broken up. I didn't really know what to say i asked him why and he said he didn't want to talk about it so yeah i don't really know

I know i should just ditch the whole idea because I will just end up getting hurt but... I really like him which i suppose is more of a reason to just stop things right now. I haven't decided what to do exactly, mostly I think i need to talk to him before i really make a decision.

While we talked about it it kind of freaked me out how similar it was to my conversation with ziv at the beginning of our relationship i have been trying not to think about it too much but it is hard with work, so much time to think

In the mean time i suppose I will just have fun with him.....Monday i went to his place and while he studied i read my book and then we just talked for a while and watched 30 Rock It was a lot of fun. Tonight he eased on out of class early and met me at the amphitheater in sandy where the Utah Symphony was playing it was basically amazing. Afterwards he came to my house for ice cream and then we listened to records in my room, it was a really great evening. well i guess i should go to bed

oh ben you've done it again

Cath...
She stands with a well intentioned man
But she can't relax with his hands on the small of her back
As the flashbulbs burst she holds a smile
Like someone would hold a crying child

Soon everybody will ask what became of you
Your heart was dying fast and you didn't know what to do

Cath...
It seems that you live in someone else's dream
In a hand-me-down wedding dress
With the things that could have been are repressed
But you said your vows and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more

Soon everybody will ask what became of you
Your heart was dying fast and you didn't know what to do
The whispers that it won't last roll up and down the pews
And if our hearts were dying that fast, they would have done the same as you
I'd have done the same as you
--Death cab for Cutie

nerves

make me insecure

of course at ten to seven
all the sudden my perfectly coiffed hair
begins to look flat
and i can now see bulges that
i thought four weeks of running had gotten rid of
my hands are dry
i smell like fried food

my teeth aren't as white as i'd like
and my roots are showing

suddenly the thought of going out
without my sweatshirt is unbearable
i curse as i hastily change

so maybe i will bring lotion
and smile with my mouth closed

or maybe i won't

sick

Tim gave me a cold :( i talked to him yesterday and he is way sick, this morning i woke up with a horrible sore throat dizzy achy and stuffy so I am home from work.

It was good to talk to him yesterday we made some tentative plans for the weekend so that will be nice. he told me last night that if he didn't have work and school he would indoctrinate me with so many crappy 80's movies my life would never be the same hahaahha

I wish i could have seen him during the week this week but mreh so it goes

I feel pretty dorky, whenever i talk to him i end up rambling cause i am nervous he probably thinks i am a freak of nature


I getting excited to go to rexburg in a couple of weeks I am ready to be with my friends again

cute picture

me and ezra....i wish he looked happier!

arg

last night was pretty awesome, we went to this cool restaurant that sells fry bread that was amazing and then went up the canyon for a fire afterwhich we went to kyle's and watched The Crow which was ridiculous but wonderful being able to cuddle with Tim... We finally got each others phone numbers so that was good. I guess i kind of expected to hear from him today but he never called it was a little disappointing but diana is right it isn't like we are dating or close to it we haven't ever even hung out alone I just hate feeling like i am all out there and vulnerable and crap it drives me batty.

It doesn't help that i saw preston for the first time today it was weird i didn't talk to him i ran away and then i ran into stupid Kevin Ellis at Liz and Joes it was awkward he got my phone number...i hope he doesn't call blegh everything has just made me feel weird and antsy like my brain won't stop for a second i wish things could be easy and not confusing or painful i wish i wasn't so influenced by emotion I wish i didn't care so much about this tim business

oh yes, the end is near

Today was basically the best fourth of july ever in existence

I got up and ran this morning then Kyle called and he and Tim and Ali came and picked me up, from there we proceeded to mini golf where i made quite the fool of myself, got a sunburn and essentially took Tim on a date ;) he was being pretty cute opening my door for me and what not and being flirty or whatever but mreh...nothing big

After that we went to kyle's and watched Star Trek for a disgusting amount of time, then dia and i went home for dinner. Kyle and Ali came over after dinner for ice cream and we just sat and chatted for a good while it was really funny to see kyle around my parents he was so.....gentlemanly it was weird and hilarious. We then proceeded to Tim's house where we sat and talked for a while....we started talking about Tim again and Kyle said he had talked to Tim about me but wouldn't tell me what was said.....i definitely felt like i was in the 7th grade i think i have posted about this before but i always feel that way when crap like this happens i just feel like a child even though i know that being attracted to someone is just the way things go that it is a normal thing that i shouldn't be embarrassed about but whenever i talk about i am all the sudden transformed into this insecure miserable 7th grader bleh anyhow i was freaking out a little and then Tim called and we all went over to his place where we looked at his yearbook (hilarious) and chatted for a while. we then decided to watch red dawn this heinously bad 80's movie with patrick swayze where the russians invade and they stage a revolt ridiculous.....anyhow tim came and sat by me and we were sitting pretty close and i was like balls to the wall man so i just put my little head right on his shoulder and then before i knew it we were holding hands and cuddling like there was no tomorrow. so very very very nice

the movie ended pretty late but Tim and Kyle wanted to watch more and i probably would have stuck around but Ali and Diana were tired and i most certainly would have done something stupid if i would have stayed....aaaahhhh


but here i am already feeling worried about all this....i think this stems back to the Justin Lord debacle....what if he didn't really want to hold my hand, what if he was just humoring me what if this is nothing and i am getting all excited about nothing at all, what if he is laying in bed right now cursing himself for ever even looking at me


I know i shouldn't even think about this but i really hope things work out Tim is a nice guy he makes me feel....taken care of which is kind of what i have been needing lately