Stupid Stupid Stupid

That is all I am but i will get to that soon enough. Today was good mom took me to lunchand bought me some groceries which was nice as well as gave me some laundry money. she left at around two and jacob came and picked me up for devotional we went to the taylor and watched it in an almost empty room which was nice cause we could talk and what not he is a good one after devotional we came back to my apartment and i got a few pictures of him here they are:




he is a funny kid. We chatted for a bit and then he left. after that i studied until around 5:30 then cass came home an we went to dinner and saw cafeteria boy he was wearing asuit i thought i was going to melt. So i leave the cafeteria about 15 minutes after cafeteria boy and i went out into the quad saw that there was a beautiful sunset and decided tosit and watch. This is where i get stupid. So sitting there listening to music and up from the stairs walks cafeteria boy alone and in a suit i am thinking to myself ok this is your chance catherine you can talk to him no one is around to see how big of an idiot you are so i am sitting there pumping myself up and as he passes i start to freak out and i can't do it. so my one perfect oppurtunity to go talk to him passed up because i am such a giant WEINER, ARG so that is why i am stupid.

I have felt like i have been under control this week but last night i lost it i just feel icky i cried a little moped etc. the nicght is the worst definitely cause i sit there waiting to fall asleep trying to figure out how i managed to get so attched to him and he not to me i feel worthless and like a freaking whore i wish i could get into his head and see if he really is over it hoping that he isn't i want to be able to do that to just have sex with someone and get over him no chance of that not that i want to even have sex with anyone even to just find someone else would be good enough but i can't shake the feeling of his arms around me.


The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free

Cause all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home out on the street
Are so many possibilities to not be alone