Walleyball

today was interesting. I went to breakfast at 9 and read my book in the MC until my class started at 11 i really like doing this, it is nice to be able to relax a little bit and be able to read etc. ah yes my book, another reason why today was interesting. last night at around 11 my neighbor ran into me and reminded me that bookclub was meeting tonight at seven I, of course, had not yet read the book (Farenheit 451) so she told me she had a copy of the book and i decided to see if i could read it all in one day normally this would not be a big deal at all considering it is less then 200 pages etc BUT i had class from 11-4;30 not to mention i had to eat breakfast because i don't have time for lunch so as i stated earlier i woke up at 9 ate read went to class till 2 then me jacob, miles and marcus went to devotional (they all wore matching brown velvet suit coats and were looking -as jacob said-very ivy league) which was neat i really like miles he is a dufus but a nice one. yeah then i went to math til 4:30 and got home and read some more dakota came over and shared with me this amazing poem he wrote for his little brother dr. seuss style it was nifty then we proceded to go to dinner which i ate quickly and then read somemore oddly enough i finished with time to spare i am pretty proud of myself especially since i ended up leading the discussion which turned out quite nicely. So there is this guy in our book club named dave, he is one of the local bands that is quite popular around byui and he is well aware of this. he kinda bugs me. anyhow he is sort of in charge well not really my next door neighbor is REALLY in charge but he is supposed to be handling the book club. he is obsessed with oprah it is really weird. anyhow so he kept talking about delegating because we are making this comercial to advertise the club that wil be shown at guitars unplugged so basically everyone is going to see it (ack) and he kept like staring me down it was pissing me off because it wasn't like there weren't 8 other people in the freaking room. so at the end of the meeting i was talking to meg (my next door neighbor) and she wanted me to help her plan this poetry thing (which i am actually kind of excited about) and he comes up to us and starts doing it again being all like i can't do everything STARE so finally i was like i can help if you need me to and he was like thank you bleh then he like put his arm around me and was like "and what is your name?" probbaly the first time up here that i have actually told someone to call me lady catherine. bleh one of my biggest pet peeves is when people i don't know get really close to me i wanted to punch him. so yeah all the sudden i am involved and it is weird.
in high school i never did anything that had to do with school activities so this is all a little new to me it should be fun and interesting.

this evening we went and played walleyball again it was enjoyable those boys are fun to be with i like having a little group. It is odd last semester Jacob never invited me to do anything with him that didn't pertain to math but this semester i have hung out with him a ton. I don't know how i feel about that it makes me nervous.

anyhow i have to find a picture of freaking oprah by thursday one that is big enough to cover a face so if anyone has any links they want to share.......

What?

Sitting at dinner this evening deedle doo chatting with taylor i don't remeber how it came up but apparently someone in my family home evening group things i am pretty WHAT!?!? i was confused but i trust taylor i don't think he would just say that ya know there are twoboys in my family home evening group that i find very attractive i am hoping for the best ahh i should just stay away from boys up here it will only end in heartache but it is so hard not to want that. i miss it more than i would like to say that i do, i miss being wanted, it is strange how much i want that for someone to want to be with me and want to be with them too. sigh.

I did most of my homework this afternoon so i can play tonight theplan is to read american heritage tomorrow after breakfast and then i will be good. I feel really good about school right now like i can do it and i can get good grades i sure hope so. i just want my parents to be proud of me. why do i depend on all of this acceptance it drives me crazy i wish i could just be ok without it meh.

Dearest anne posted this on my myspace it made my night last night.
me and Briki looking good

Admit It

I love college students and their parent fed political drivel everyone is the leading expert on world and national affairs. ok what ever you say i don't care i wont believe any of your ridiculous claims and good luck to you.

"You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends, pontificating to each other, forever competing for that one moment of self aggrandizing glory in which you hog the intellectual spotlight, holding dominion over the entire SHALLOW....POINTLESS...conversation. Oh we're not worthy."
-Say Anything ADMIT IT!!

things will change

Whit-at a show
called sis-no answer
called little brother-no answer
settled for parents

current playlist:

Passenger Seat-Death Cab for Cutie
Night Swimming-REM
Title and Registration-Death Cab
Hopeless Love-Daphne Loves Derby
Brothers on a Hotel Bed-Death Cab
Pictures of You-The Cure
Blue Eyes-(?) Garden State
That Lonesome Road-(?) Teh King's Singers
Globes and Maps-Something Corporate
Hows it Going to be-Third Eye Blind
Everything I Once Had-The Honorary Title

I am not doing well tonight.

last night was fun. Me and alli went to biddulph (the boys' dorms) to see if i could see CNJ but mainly because she wanted to play ping pong. Alli loves LOVES ping pong. and she is good at it, last smester she sort of stopped going to biddulph to play ping pong and i never realised it was because i would not go with her. When i realized this last night it made me feel like crap, so i decided that even though i would rather shove a fork in my eyeball i am going start going over there with her, i will bring my book and my ipod mind you but i will go support. So we went to biddulph kara came over and i chatted with clint jacob miles and marcus for a bit as well as sweet michael so that ws fun afterwards we went to the athletic building and played wallyball which was freaking amazing. jacob's cousin joined us her name is Rosalind she was really nice. after that we went to a dance party which kind of was dumb but still fun so yeah i had a pretty good night last night which ended with cory's friend tell me that cory thought i was "asthetically pleasing" hahahhaa dorks hope veryone has a simply fantastic saturday THREE DAY WEEKEND WOOT

wait not done yet. so i saw CNJ and spoke with him briefly when he almost hit me with a pool ball my opinion of him has greatly changed because of last night. For one thing he is a spaz, one of those boys who is like WOOHOO LOOK AT ME I AM REALLY LOUD SO THAT MAKES ME SOOOO FUNNY BLEHHAHAHAHDF HLX!!! not to mention he is an insufferable flirt so i decided i will look at him (i still think he is cute) but i iwll make no effort in aquiring his friendship or anything further than that for that matter. I am glad that i figured this out now instead of wasting a semester on thinking that i just had to get to know this kid.

meh

that is how i feel tonight kind of sucked i spent like 2 hours in the MC with jacob marcus miles and clint which was fun/odd they kept having me ask girls which one of them was the hottest it was relly funny i saw CNJ (chris from new jersey) looking wonderful as ever and inducing some more nervousness afterwards i went swimming which was nice but tot is so awkward in the locker rooms blegh so after swiming i decided to go to tomassito's to buy some food cause i was starving so i got some bread and a drink came home and decided i wanted peanut butter and honey on my bread but the honey was all crystallized and weird so i nuked it for a while but then it was far to runny so i stck it into the fridge without the lid on it heard a clucnk opened the fridge and saw honey EVERYWHERE not the most pleasant experience ever let me tell ya honey is not easy to clean up. so that really sucked but meh it is over with i just feel weird tonight tired mostly bleh ok maybe i will sleep

ah roommates

let me get one thing clear i love amanda sometimes she can be insensitive and over dramatic i but ilove her she has been there for me when i needed her etc. i do not however love her friends or even like them for that matter one in particular who we can just call hoochie i would like to break her skinny little neck she is THE MOST annoying person on the planet. BLEHHHH GET OUT OF MY FREAKING ROOM YOU DITZY NO BRAINED BIMBO!!! that is what i want to say.

today has been excellent i made friends in english and math which is weird i didn't make friends last semester in any of my classes in fact the only time i did talk in any of my classes was to jacob and that was just in math.

I even made a comment in english.
Social problems was awesome i really enjoy my teacher because he is funny but i am still learning someting interesting he said in class...."power belongs to the person who cares the least" it is very true in my opinion. It is a wonderful clas it makes me think.

WHAT THE FREAKING CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE PEOPLE NO I JUST HATE AMANDAS FREAKING FRIENDS ok there we go
sorry about six guys just walked into our apartment how about you all leave HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE F ING DOOR so i have a little rage problem right now. blegh

Like a Moth to an Old Flame

ok
i know that this is my third post of the day but i keep running into chris from new jersey!! so taylor came over blah blah we talked to steven
pretty sure that is his boyfriend by the way here is taylor
and here is the picture of me he sent to steven (who was very nice)

anyhow so we did that and then taylor wasn't sure where tomassito's was so me and alli went with him and bought all this crap so i was like let us help you take this back to your dorm so we are walking along and guess who we run into? you got it chriis from new jersey so taylor is like CHRIS!!! meet my friends alli and catherine (earlier in the evening i told taylor i had a crush on chris and he was like he IS cute it was funny and he devised this whole plot to hook us up what a guy) so i i got to shake his hand again his handshake is nice firm he seems so down to earth ahh so alli was like do you want to come play ping pong with us and chris was like i am going to meet up with some people but i will be back in like 40 minutes if you want to play then
she agreed and he left as we continued walking to taylor's dorm i told alli "thats the guy that made me want to throw up at dinner!" i am such a nerd but i didn't want to stick around so we left ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh here is the problem though. he kept looking at alli it might have been because i just sat there with a stupid grin on my face but i think he might have a thing for her so i have decided i just need to stop this before i get hurt--- notto mention he is going on a mission in like 4 months so what is the point ah but he is so cute ok nevermind i am not going to think about him like that from here on out this is the last you will hear of chris from new jersey

oh gosh

just returned from eating dinner where i saw chris from new jersey who probbaly thinks i am stalking him by now so i saw him come in and i honestly just about threw up and he was getting salad while i was and i just wanted to die i got so flustered and i am pretty sure i was blushing the whole time. grr why is it that when i find someone i am actually attracted to up here i get paralyzed with fear it is so frustrating i wish i could just be normal and approach someone and atleast be there friend if nothing else stupid stupid anyhow.

Taylor came over here this afternoon and i helped him with some grammar homework and stole his music. I don't know howi feel about him i feel like he will expose me to things that i don't want to be exposed to maybe i just need to make it clear to him what my standards are (ps WHAT THE CRAP!!!!???? i shouldn't have to be doing that in byu idaho should i?) he just makes me nervous idon't know bleh.

theater was awesome today we talked about plays and went over some articles we read last night some very interesting things were said we talked about an article by brigham young which discussed theater one thing that i really enjoyed that was said was that we need to be exposed to both good and evil so that we can act instead of being acted upon i really like that it makes me feel like i have a lot of control over everything. alright maybe i will do some homework or maybe i will take a break and read lucifers hammer it is getting really intense


"I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning in an open tab when your judgement's on the brink.
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep... "

"I want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the mouth.
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene, start a brand new colony,
Where everything will change. We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)"
-Postal Service

LUCIFER"S HAMMER!!!!!!

it is a really good book.

I saw chris from new jersey at breakfast today i am totally smitten he is in jacob's ward i am jealous. so i was looking at a blog i frequently read and i found this humorous site check it out it is pretty good. today has been nice history was pretty cool today, i accidently went to the wrong class for the first time ever it was awkward deedle doo i will post more later probably

I 've Got Long Johns Under Slacks for Blustery Days

eventful day i would say had an interesting experience after devotional with jacob. I saw cafeteria boy this evening he got a haircut and is no longer sporting the leather trenchcoat but has replaced it with a rather dashing nice winter coat dakota kept prodding today said i looked "hot" and later replaced that with "cute" he is a nerd but a good friend i will talk to him i will. I ate dinner with jacob and marcus this evening it was interesting i pointed out a boy that i thought was cute as is custom in the galleyand jacob of course after stating that i find the "most homely " boys to be attractive walked over and introduced himself it was all very convinient after awhile jacob came back and this young man passed our table and said something to jacob. after which jacob introduced us chris from new jersey best smile ever and twinkley eyes that made me giddy. i hope to see him again soon. well i suppose i should go do some homework not much to be done meh

alli just announced that she will be naming a daughter(when she has one) stevie all i could think of when she said that is a wrinkly little baby singing:

just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Whoo... whoo... whoo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

And the days go by...
Like a strand in the wind...
In the web that is my own...
I begin again
Said to my friend, baby...
Nothin' else mattered

He was no more... than a baby then
Well he... seemed broken hearted...
Something within him
But the moment... that I first laid...
Eyes... on... him... all alone...
On the edge of... seventeen

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
ooo baby... ooo... said ooo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

I went today... maybe I will go again...
Tomorrow
And the music there it was hauntingly...
Familiar
And I see you doing...
What I try to do for me
With the words from a poet...
And the voice from a choir
And a melody... nothing else mattered

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

The clouds... never expect it...
When it rains
But the sea changes colours...
But the sea...
Does not change
And so... with the slow... graceful flow...
Of age
I went forth... with an age old...
Desire... to please
On the edge of... seventeen

Two Points for Honesty

this morning i went to breakfast with the roomies and i saw a boy and i was like wow he is cute and then i saw him at dinner tonight, he sat across from me but at the next table down half way through my meal he caught my eye and said " i like your shirt" and of course because it is me and i am Catherine The Awkward i had a mouth full of food and couldn't say thanks. so he comes over to our table his name is taylor and i am almost positive that he is gay. sadly enough of course no guy can show remote interest in me with out some hitch to go along with him he is really nice though he is from new york city which is cool afar cry from rexburg that is for sure he came over to our apartment and we compared music etc he has a 60 gb video ipod that i lusted after it was fun though so i made a new friend yeeah
jacob came over thi afternoon it was very nice to see him we will be going to devotional together tomorrow which will be nice i was kind of scared he would just stop talking to me. I know he is capable of doing just that because that is his plan with failing beauty school girl i feel so bad for her i guess he hasn't called her yet he can be a jerk sometimes that is for sure alright i think i am going to go do some homework and you know what i am pretty excited to do it.

"Its just not death with dignity when there is an Esteves in the room"

mystery science theatre 3000 is hilarious

Idaho

here i am again back in good old rexburg it was nice to see everyone but unfortunately it seems that i have lodged myself in "the friend zone" with dakota meh it was a nice thought i am content to be his "best girl friend" he is a nice boy he came and visited me and told me he was in love with girly which is cute i like that he confides in me it makes me feel good. ok i am off to help cass a frass move furniture

Charles

ok so his name isn't charles its ziv why i ever protected his identity is beyond me i hate him and i hope gets clamydia and goes sterile. james diana whitney you were all right he is not a good friend he is a jerk and i hope to never speak to him again here is his blog on myspace i am unamed but referred to many times i have cried because of him for the last time i am sorry diana big jerk

I am sitting here watching R. Steve’s Europe a travel show on pbs that I enjoy and I am getting really excited about this summer we might go to Italy dad has been looking at villas A VILLA WOOHOO I have never been out of the country not even to Canada or Mexico sad eh


Cory is a nice boy I feel bad I need to call him and tell him what is going on but I don’t want to hurt him I hate myself sometimes.

I did it

Sometimes i feel so naive because it is still a big thing when someone holds my hand or cuddles with me people talk about kissing like it isn't a big deal maybe i am just that unexperienced but kissing someone is bigto me. last night me and cory cuddled i shouldn't have I don't have feelings for him i don't even find him attractive i have been tryng to decide why i let it hapen and why i encouraged it slightly and i determined it was probably because of charles. he was there we were at his house in fact watching season 2 of scrubs we all cameinand sat on the couch in his basement where he casually mentioned "I've had sex on that couch" The boys continued to play pool and i continued to pretend that i didn't care. So after they got food we decied to watch scrubs sam and edwin left and it was just me charles and cory. All night cory had been kind of touchy so i shouldn't have been as suprised as i was when he put his arm around me and what not. I just feel bad becasue i talked to charles today and he said he thought cory had a crush on me the poor kid just barely broke up with his girlfriend too i feel like i took advantage of him. atleast he didn;t try to kiss me thank heavens diana pulled up right when we did. blegh i am such an idiot.

I hung out with my friend owen from high school today it was fun we went to flight plan it was an awful movie but was improved by his clever comments. my nails are really long. i wish i could attract a nice mormon boy who i actually find attractive and that i actually want to be with.

i can't believe some of the things that charles has done to me that i wont detail i just thought he respected me a little more than he actually does oki am off to eat dinner

New blog

The author of one of my frequently read blogs invited me to contribute to a new blog so go check out A Test For Echo it is pretty neat Andy's blog is pretty funny as well.

and now on to other subjects last night me and whitney went to coffee break a local scenester hang out for the sole purpose of making fun of the scensters. it didn't work out to well. we encountered "mugs" from high school a girl so emo that if you look at her the wrong way she bursts into hipster flaming disgustingness. I don't like her. whit left around 12:30 and charles called me at 1 asking if i would like to join him and a few others on a quest for food wackiness ensued. it was fun though Brandon was there as well as cory adam and Sam it was quite a bit of fun i like being the only girl they all open the door for you and offer to pay for food and it is fun. Once again good conversation i miss that much. ahh i am hungry i want some eggs maybe. ok i am off to the races.

I honestly can't imagine barbara walters kissing anyone

the last few days have been odd i have been a little sad it has been reminiscent of those forst few months of the semester. but today is better. i need to find something amazing for me and whit to do we haven;t done anything really fun as of late so i have to figure something out for tonight james has come up with a myriad of suggestions all a bit mishchievous so we will see how this goes i always forget what i want to write in here grrr. ok well i am off to target to find a coat.

huh

i hung out with whit and charles last night we went to a bowling alley and saw about twenty people from our high school it was not a pleasant experience. It wouldn't have been bad but it was lal the people i don't particularly like it was ok they ignored me i ignored them all except a boy named matt. he has always been nice to me even though i wasn't exactly high on the the "social ladder" that is high school fro that i appreciate him he is a good kid.

I am not going to lie i was a shameless flirt last night i flirted with charles and i flirted with his friend i think i have come to the conclusion that the reason i keep hanging out with him is that i like the attention. After four months it is nice to have someone flirt with me without the presence of attractive roommates it is nice to catch someone looking at me, it is nice to know someone thinks that i am pretty.

marriage

my aunt got married today it was lovely. i will post pictures when i get them on my computer it was nice to see everyone i love that side of the family they are just great. my dear parents are going out of town again to visit my grandma i guess she isn't doing to well which makes me sad. my dearest david left for taiwan yesterday the funny part is he doesn't get there until like 9:30 tonight crazy. whitney is doing pretty well though we went to a movie last night and on saturday we will be visiting the zoo which will be fun. For the first time since i came home i missed idaho today. I do i miss the cold and cassidy and alli and dakota and jacob. I miss it but i am glad i still have another week. new years kind of weird hopefully it will be fun ok i am out expect more pictures soon.

woot

yeah the internet works again which means that i can put pics of christmas on here which is exciting so christmas is pretty much a big deal in my home and we have certain traditions that are a bit odd that we keep. so here they are i will start with

CHRISTMAS EVE:

we always have breakfast for dinner pancakes specifically

we watch a muppet christmas carol
we walk down to the park by my home and jump off of the sign (weird i know)


do you like how andrew doesn't have pants on ?
a good time was had by all

CHRISTMAS DAY:
we woke up at 7 we always do unwrap presents dad doles them out then we went to church at 11 it was very nice then we just chilled played games chatted with the fam and all that it was so much fun.

i had a sleep over with some girls that i am pretty close with it was much fun
all i have to say is tyra banks is a retard

today sucks

i am not going to lie today sucks my internet refuses to work so i can't write my freaking amazing blog with pictures about the last three days charles isn't speaking to me i hate everything i hate that i even toy with the idea of kissing him i need to find somone new.

teehee

I hung out with Charles last night. and it wasn't awkward in fact we had a really good conversation we sat in my drive way and talked for about 3 hours. we talked about our relationship what he did to me why he did it how i felt how he has felt all that sort of stuff. and music and politics and how he feels about israel and what he wants to do with life and what i want to do with life people we are interested in just everything it was great i miss his friendship if there is one thing about charles it is that he is a good conversationalist. James and mom were not to happy about this but i don't think they understand about closure i needed that so badly i needed to talk things out with him i needed to see him and realize that i don't love him anymore and i needed him to tell me that he doesn't love me but still cares. just great closure that is all.

And now presenting MY DAY O FUNNNESS

woke up at 11:30 ate pizza Tom the spirit of our family coerced me into tying ribbons on little jars of jam at 12 me james and andrew went downtown to sam weller's this awesome used book store in salt lake it was pimp i got a book of post cards from india or something. it is heinously warm outside so walking was most pleasant.
And the best part of it all was when the Hobo laughed at andrew.

in other news i saw The Chronicles of Narnia last night it was amazing please check out that link it is hilarious. I HAVE HAD A WONDERFUL DAY
and i am pretty excited about that
Charles and dearest hannah came over just now and he gave me a bunch of music like Jack's Mannequin and some skits from The Lonely Island Boys which were very humorous.
oh yes i feel fantastic

and christmas is in two days
deedle dee deedle doo



this is the fam i realize it is blurry but there ya go
fromleft to right
joe, Elizabeth, Andrew in the red sweater, me (Catherine) in black, Diana in red, James in blue and pops and mom and our beautiful christmas tree WOOHOOO
this is a shout out to james because he said catherine will you give me a shout out in your blog and i said yes so ther ya go it is time to go grocery shopping.

i am running out of titles for posts

i have used all of them up i keep looking around forrandomones but they are dumb there ya go. so i am still sick and it is getting worse again. my head has been killing me for awhile now my face hurts stupid sinuses i have been going to bed really early though so that is good but it is frustrating cause i want to play and be exciting and not be a stupid stick-in-the-mud-wet-blanket-no-fun-poopy-face. yeah you heard me. oprah is stupid she makes me mad/want to kick her. Ricky came over today that was fun he is nice and i can tell he tries not to swear around me which i appreciate. all these stupid boys on myspace are talking to me i want them to go away when did i become interesting to people. i am tired. i don't want to hang out tonight i have to go to the doctor i hate the doctor. BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ok nap time now.
ps my brother thinks ricky is creepy my brother is a nerd just kidding jamesie i hope you get your paper done and i will go to the doctor

RACKO!

Ah home is lovely i tell you lovely. last night i hung out with whit an david as well as one peter from my high school who is quite good friends with charles and i am pretty sure he was hanging out with charles before he came to whit's and then picked charles up again when he left awkward. meh. today has been nice i love my family for sure. they are wondeful and i am so glad i am here they are all so supportive and great. tonight i got to meet grey diana's friend which was nice he is a good kid i alsomeet a boy named ricky that is diana's friend he is cute and nice and i hope i see him again. Aunt Susie came to dinner she is getting married on the 30th i am happy for her but i will miss her on christmas and i won't like sharing her with her new children but there ya go. Church was good i went with dear kayla to primary it was fun there is a little boy named tanner who always gives me hugs i love him he is so cute. I am sitting here watching my brother and his girlfriend they are so cute i hope they get married i can see how happy she makes him. alrighty i should probably sleep

Home

i am home i got here about 2:30 talked with momand dia for a bit then went to david's and watched him clean cried a little made david feel uncomfortable then i went home and chatted with the little brother then i went with mom to take little brother to meet cousins for boys night out after hat i came home and just chilled, ate dinner with just the parents and i amcurrently waiting for the lovely whitters to pick me up i can't wait to see her ahh it is so fling flanging wonderful to be home!!!
oh yeah i got my phone from dakota this morning he came out of his room in his pj's he looked so cute i am not going to lie.

Already

i am all packed except my computer and i have been officially checked out I am very excited to leave but i will sincerly miss a few people who will not be coming back next semester. jacob came and said good bye at about 11 we spent most of the day together it was nice i almost started to cry when he left even though i will see him in a month i will miss him. i wish i could better express to him how much he means to me i suppose i will have to write a truly excellent note to go along with his christmas present. Tonight i have been listening to cat stevens i really enjoy it probably my favorite is Sad Lisa good stuff. I am wondering about blog edicate I want to post links to blogs i frequently read but i am not sure if this is ok. do i need to ask? meehhh 9 in the mornig is so far away right now oddly enough grr i wish we couldhave left tonight oh well. i am going to breakfast tomorrow at like 7 it should be great i will most definitely be sleeping in the car. Dakota has my phone i don't know what to do his phone is brokenso i can't call him i am pretty sure the parents will destroy my soul if i go home with out it bleg I am thinking of including a cd in with jacob's present just a mix hmmm. i have to get cass' home address before i leave i can't forget. she is going to be in salt lake for three hours on saturday i wish i lived closer to the airport then i would go see her. ahh home wonderful. i am hungry but alas no money mmk maybe i will attempt to sleep now.

but wait holy freaking crap i found the coolest website ever check it out
cool music site

Inept

pretty sure i am inept when it comes to computers/the internet or what have you so when i figured out how to make links yesterday i was pretty excited (my lovely sis taught me how) so in honor of this occasion as well as in celebration of me finishing my last test (yiiipeeeeeeeeeeee) i give you The Sibling Blog I am Smart

heres hoping it works i am off to clean.

huh

So exciting day today stood in line to take a test at the testing center for a hour and a half only to sit down to take the test and figuratively as well as literally choke. So i was kind of freaking out as it was because of the stupid massive line and then it was my first time in the new testing center so i was all anxious and crap so i sat down and i get this tickle in my throat so i start coughing and i was freaking out even more because all the people and i bet i was bugging them i felt sk bad they were all trying to take their tests and i couldn't stop coughing and i tried to supress it and i couldn't and the more i tried the more it tickled and i ended up in tears it tickled so much and hurt and i was so frustrated so i just filled in all the c's on the test and turned it in i ended up getting a 28% on it but it was only my child development test and he drops the lowest test score so i think everything will be ok but not a great experience. and then dakota came over and we attempted to study he played the guitar it was amazing i wish i had a tape recorder or something made me cry lots of crying today. Luckily he didn't see me he is an amazing boy. So we were studying and what not and he was acting all grumpy and i told him he could leave if he wanted to and all that and he was like no grumble grumble and he asked me a question from the text and i was like are you sure i wont be offended if you want to leave and he kinda yelled just answer the question dangit and i kinda started to cry again i knew he was kidding and everything i was just so tired and stressed and ready to go home so he said lets take a break so we did and we talked a bit he is a sweetie sometimes i think i could totally want to be with him i don't know days like today when he is so nice and around so much even the only reason for it is because he is avoiding that other girl i don't know he is cute but nothing will ever happen i know that for a fact here is the reason why: we were speaking about that girl that he is semi chasing after/running away from and when describing her he said she is awesome, different from the other girls up here, like you but different.

different i am sure in that she is attractive.

my dear cassidy is not feeling well i am actually pretty worried about her she thinks she has mono i am worried i want her to be ok i love that one i really do i don't know what to do to help her it is awful when she is sick cause she gets so sad when she can't go out and play mmk i am going to go stare at my ceiling for a few hours bleh i wish i could sleep ok off i go.

Dakota

I think Dakota is possibly the most interesting person I have met up here and probably the one who i most respect. This evening he came over to study for biology for the first time Dakota talked to me about a girl. dakota is confusing, he wants action or does he? I don't know he makes it seem that he wouldn't mind a relationship with this girl despite the situation. Odd boy anyhow Whats up with the guys talking to me about girls as of late? i just don't know. this post is pointless everything i have said for the past few days has been complaining i do realize that. i probably won't post half as much when i get home because the parents turn the internet off at 11:30 but who knows i leave friday i can't wait to take my bio test it will be a fierce one Professor Eastman called me at home today it was weird i like her she is nice i wish i could be her friend instead of her student but i am not sure if that is allowed. i have read a lot of blogs and to tell you the truth none of them are like mine they are interesting and funny and not stupid and whiny it makes me want to change but at the same time i don't because this is my outlet when i am pissed or sad or happy this is where i come it is like my substitute whitney and charles it makes me want to cry i wish i had a closer a friend up here so i didn't have to live my life through the friggin internet

I am excited to go home to people who actually know me. On the 27th i will be seeing charles for the first time in months i will be expecting good mojo thrown my way by the the lovely people of blogger.com

That made me think about dear david i am going to miss him a lot even though we aren't as close anymore i still feel i don't know attached to him? i am not sure what it is but i care about that boy an awful lot i worry about him going to a foreign coutry not know ing the language all that jazz he is a big boy i am sure he will be all right i just can't help but worry what if he gets mugged or something and he can't clal home what if he gets sick and no one is there to take care of him, it makes me think of when he got his wisdom teeth out he was so funny that day so sleepy and the hook "you can't get past the hook" i will miss him much and i ache for my dear whitney and what she is up against in the next few months i wish i could be there with her " a growing experience" i guess it will be that was my mantra the first weeks of college and one of the last things my mom said to me before she left grr stupid blog i haven't cried in what seems like ages at least i will sleep well tonight.

I can't wait to see my family again. my siblings are truly the greatest people on earth, spend ten minutes with us and i can guarentee that they will have you laughing you couldn't find people nicer, smarter and as kind as in my family i am so glad that we are close and that i can talk to them about crap they sometimes wouldn't care to hear and that i can count on them for support and love even in the middle of finals week ahh i miss my home so badly grr three more days and i am there.
feels good to unload and i am sufficiently ready for bed. so good night

PS i wish i had a picture of my whole family but alas i don't i suppose i will fix that when i go home
oh yes and just so everyone knows what i was really going to write about tonight was how i want to live in maine and how i think jews are hot, silly dakota messed everything up!

No Hidden Fees

I am feeling much better today to bad half he apartment hates me right now. So i get up at around 11:30 and we decide to go to lunch as roommates so me alli tiffany and karilynn are sitting in the living room and alli was like are you waiting for cassidy? and i was like yeah is that a problem? and she like freaked out at me and was like why are you being so defensive and i said i didn't mean to be defensive and she was like why do you hat eme and why are you mad at me and all this crap and i am like i am not mad at you so i asked her where my necklace was cause she always takes it and doesn't return it and she told me so i went to go put ot on and when i got back out into the living room they were all gone. i assume they went to lunch i waited for cass to finish getting ready and we went to lunch then ran some errands when i got back they were all in their rooms and wouldn't talk to me i don't know if i care well i do but its just so stupid and petty it makes me angry that alli assumes she knows what i am feeling i wasn't mad at her until they all ditched me and cass whatever i don't care.


ok so alli just walked in she is isttingon the other couch STARING at me if you want to say something say it KGBKASJGDHSKUHG

sleeps not coming easy to me now

i have been listening to something corporate a lot lately and quite frankly i have enjoyed it. still trying to get rid of this cold but i am better tonight then i have been if it weren't for this persistent cough and a couple of roommates i would be asleep ah well so it goes alright i am off

Awake

i am awake it is 6:30 why am i awake when i don't have class till 8 and i went to bed around two. stupid coldgrr iam so upset i just want to sleep but i can't everytime i lay down i cough everytime i sit up i cough everytime i breathe i cough anyone have any suggestions????

Hmmm

So i was thinking about a comment that was made on the previous post by phil (check out his blog it is really good) I suppose that tomy family and my friends would say that i am outgoing but in high school i think that i definitely was known for being on the quieter side i think that i have outgrown it somewhat being in college and all but i still can't talk to boys and i don't generally speak in class because professors scare me but meh.

So i was thinking about writing today and i realized that i was censoring myself because of the people i know who read this but i decided i am going to continue writing in this like it is a secret blog and hopefully the people i love who read this won't think too less of me

ok this is mean i am warning you

so i was sitting there playing snood on my computer i love snood i really do so tiffany was there watching me and she was like can i play? so I have my computer i am in the middle of a game what do i say? i can't say no that is ridiculous but i did not want to say yes i wanted to play snood dangit selfish i know it just bothers me when i am in the middle of doing something and she asks for my computer isn't it obvious that i am using it ? GRR even if it is doing something insignificant like checking blogs still there are three other computers in this apartment WITH NO ONE ON THEM logic is great. ok so that is my rant for now

Matt Ho is here i think he hates me he just seems annoyed like i am some crappy music underling and alli is some all-knowing music goddess just because she listens to incubus and never listens to any pop who gives a friggin crap if i have kelly clarkson on my ipod deal with it maybe i do like dashboard ya wanna go ? grr stupid musical elitists i should just go to bed it is proabbaly just cause i feel like crap and ryan didn't come and that is dissappointing and i am pretty sure he wants alli to so i should probably not get my hopes up grrr maybe i should just climb into a box and never leave so as to prevent any male from having to experience me having a crush on them i might as well just for go talking to boys and introduce them to alli so she can seduce them with her crazy eye make up and stupid holy jeans sorry i am done




jacob and his friend miles came over tonight i plucked their eyebrows in other news jacob kissed his first girl a couple of weeks ago she is going to beauty school and currently FAILING IT yes failing beauty school kudos to you jacob miles and me had "girl talk" he wants to hold this girls hand blah blah blah tiffany gave him awful advice but his eyebrows look good.

blegh

I am not going to lie last night was awesome but i feel worse today then i did yesterday i probably shouldn't have gone to the show buti didn't want to dissappoint alli further it was so much fun love you long time released their CD so there were a ton of people there kara took us again along with Matt Ho and a new boy named ryan. ryan is cute and nice and funny he lives in my home town How convenient we will be hanging out over christmas break i am hoping. i saw a young man that i have seen before at shows a very attractive young man i think i have actually blogged about him before i should have talked to himlast night i felt like i looked pretty but i wasn't too confident because my voice sounds like a man it was an awesome show nontheless the first band sucked but then belafaunte played and they were good. afterwards we went to craigos and sat and talked adamshowed up oddly enough he is always weird when we hang out in groups. we didn't have a ride over to craigos after the show it is about a mile away and it was about 3 degrees last night so alli coerced a stranger to take us over there his name was mark he came in with us and sat and ate pizza he was a very nice guy. i am exhausted i couldn't get to sleep til about two and i woke up at six because my darncold matt ho and ryan said they would come and visit us tonight i am excited for that matt is hilarious and i found out extremely ticklish. I have been drinking apple cider like it is going ou of style in an attempt to assuage my cold it has 100% vitamin c and the warmth feels good on my throat thank you mommy

i found out my dear friend david is leaving out of the country sooner than i had anticipated it makes me sad i will miss that crazy asian quite a bit he is a good one.

The Sickness

so it it official i have a cold a bad one, head feels like its going to explode cough so hard my body shakes nose plugged back/shoulders/neck sore from coughing voice one octave lower etc. i am not to happy about this cold five days before my first final but that is a lie i took my first final today i got an 86% on it i am quite content with this score all things considering. man i feel like crap i wish i culd sleep i tried to at about quarter to 11 and had no luck so i took a bath and tried again and no luck so here i am feeling like crap exhausted but unable to sleep i suppose i could do something productive like study but what fin would that be besides i think my head would explode. There sure are a lot of nice looking men on this campus maybe i am going crazy i saw sam today as i headed to the library it threw me off and i think he was a little weirded out too. it is odd because up until this point i haven't really been attracted to anyone here except jacob and that was fleeting well i guess there is cafeteria boy too but yeah all the sudden attractive men are popping up out of nowhere ok i am going to go take some freaking nyquil i sure hope it works

ps we passed clean checks thank heavens

Clean

Some cruel person here invented "white glove clean checks" i will find this person and murder them. i have been cleaning since nine just my room and i am not finished yet tomorrow i will have to wash the walls vaccum thoroughly make sure ther e is not a speck of dust anywhere including behind the bed underneath drawers etc. not to mention the stuff i have to do in the general apartment area of our house GRRRR i am tired i want to sleep but i have to put all the clothes back into my drawers curse this place.

on the bright side i did decently on my health test and tomorrow is friday that means the next day is saturday and that means i get to go hear some bands play YIPPEEEE i am happy. mmk i am off to clean some more.

Lights Out

So last night at about quarter to one the power shut off which normally isn't a problem but it the real feel at the time was -25 degrees thats cold i promise. so alli was freaking out and the RA's came around to do bed checks and of course amanda isn't home so i tell the RA that she is aat kristen's which is just across the courtyard from us (i actually did think she was there i promise) about 5 minutes later she calls my phone and is like i am not in the dorm and i told her what i told the RA and she said apperntly they are at kristen's right now i honestly wanted to just laugh because she is screwed i am sure she will get on probation iam positive of it i feel bad but then again that is what you get for breaking the rules right? so i was kkind of worried that we would be cold if the power stayed off all night so i had everyone sleep in the living room the lights came on at about 2 so we weren't too cold which was good so that is my excitement i am sure i will post again this evening

Deedle Doo

so pretty sure today has been great maybe because my team CONQUERED ALL in volleyball maybe because i got to cuddle and it might be because i went to another democrat meeting wih the lovely Jacob he is a nice boy. Matt E came over this evening to help me study fo health i think it was prety effectual and i am actually feeling confident about tomorrow but i am NOT excited about friday which is our "white glove check" the RA's had a meeting with all of us tonight and said it would probably take us up to six hours to complete everything GRR but oh well i suppose. man i am hungry. i got o talk to my little bro last night for like two hours it was great that kid is amazing i tell you AMAZING he was telling me the drama that is going on in high school and it made me laugh so hard!! i love that one indeed i do. OHYES i found a ride to utah for next friday my last final is from 7-9 friday morning so we are leaving at 11 which means i will be HOME BY 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO FLING FLANGING EXCITED I COULD EXPLODE INTO A MILLION BITS. oki best go read the great gatsby becaue book club i stomorrow and pretty sure i haven't finished yet. mmk i am off

I am Tired

why you may ask would i be tired well it is probably because my ridiculous roommate and her ridiculous friend SAT and TALKED LOUDLY while i tried to sleep last night i finally got fed up and went and slept on the nice hard cold floor in the living room around six i woke up and moved to my bed. this and many other things contribute to my sudden excitement to return home for christmas other than that i had a pretty good day i feel good this evening like i could onquer the world!!!!! just kidding but i do feel pretty good at this moment i would like: Some chocolate milk
a hamburger
whitters
sister
a nap
that is all just a few things not much but the likely hood of recieving any of them is very slim except maybe thenap which will come in 2 to3 hours and last 7 isshhhhh mmk i am off to do the math project of death

Another Day

i wrote this earlier this afternoon i have things to add though so here goes

Here I am in great harvest I just went to Zion’s bank to deposit money and I was freezing so I got a cookie and a slice of bread I am pretty happy about that but alas I am not getting an internet connection today has been pretty good volleyball was so much fun! My team was really nice this time and I played a lot better than I have been I play so much better when people don’t care about winning and don’t get on me for messing up everyone was just having fun and we ended up winning 3 of the five games we played so that was good I have a test in child development this evening I am not too excited about that but oh well eh? It is pretty bitter outside but my jacket has been working quite well so I talked to my sis just now and it turns out Charles and her roommate did break up I guess he cried. I laughed when I heard that I am a jerk OH WELL hahahhahahhah just kidding I do feel bad he is a really sensitive kid and I almost feel like calling him to see if he is ok….. almost I am feeling pretty good about this situation these days I am a lot happier right now then I have been in a long time maybe it is because Christmas is getting to me I dunno but I am pretty dang happy.


All day I have found myself looking at guys more than usual it has been weird I have never been so aware of all of them odd anyhow, I am thinking I need to limit my blog intake it is getting out of hand I am feeling a little overloaded in that department meh any how I am out I will probably write more this evening.

My sister said would ask my mom if she could come and pick me up that would be so much fun, better then riding down with strangers or even with mike he is nice enough guy just….different. I am excited to get to salt lake it really is a nice place and I miss my mountains
I should probably be getting home sigh



i just remembered COOKIE it is in my back pack maybe i will eat it

dissapointing this cookie is.
i am happy i got to talk to my sis today i miss that one a lot i do and i finally got to see her cutest ever new hair cut very nice nana very nice indeed i should go to sleep ack gotta call matt

matt was asleep i woke him up i feel bad
why is matt going to bed at 11? actually that is probably a good idea matt has his head on straight for sure. lost my train of thought completely so i will be preparing for the bed now maybe not
I am not sure what i am looking for do i want a significant other? i just don't know "i try to keep awake,i can feel this narcolepsy slide into another nightmare" that third eye blind concert was freaking amazing thanks nana a million times. I wrote dear preston a letter this evening. tiffany asked me what my favorite gift is that i have recieved from a boy, last year for christmas preston gave me glue for the rear view window on my car and a gift certificate to a restraunt, we never went but that is probably my favorite. charles never really gave me anything that hit me hard except maybe the death cab dvd but nothing really personal like that stupid tube of glue. odd how things work out. sometimes i wish i were an artist i have never really felt like i could express myself very well with words and i want to make something i don't know bleh


i miss whitters
saxaphones are truly great though scott told me he was disappointed in me today it broke my heart i need to be a better person it shouldn't be this hard. pinback is amazing mmmmm ok time to clean up the old ipod i am out sorry this blog has been kind of extremely disjointed oh well its for me not for you so deal with it

Dream

last night i had an odd dream. This does not come as a suprise to me considering my dreams of this week have consisted of a crazy asian girl trying to eat my insides as well as my dad forcing me to ride a bycicle to st. louis while the rest of the family drove. So this dream was relatively watered down. I was sleeping in the Colwell's home but it was actually the Buchanan's old house with some slight alterations, Jil came in and woke me up and in a hurrued voice told me i was going to miss my flight back to rexburg. as i ran around the house trying to gather my things as quickly as possible i noticed a number of men in work clothes around the house fixing things. As i continued to gather my things i returned to the room where i was sleeping a young man was in there, nothing was said but i was under the impression that this young man was the author of one of the many blogs that i frequently read. We began to talk and i was quite taken with him and he with me, i decided to give him my number and as i searched for a paper and pen he tapped me on the shoulder and handed me both i asked him how he knew what i was looking for and answered that he had had the same idea. In my dream i remember feeling quite odd about this exchange because i have probably given my number to two people in my entire life one of them being jacob. as soon as numbers were exchanged we found ourselves outside of my home in sandy utah my family wasn't with us but i knew they were in the house specifically in the basement as we joked around i expressed some desire to go inside and be with my family and he agreed at that i woke up. i suppose it isn't too odd but i woke up feeling weird and a little smitten with this young man who i dreamt about.

so there you have it bleg. I have not felt well today but i did go to all of church and i am very glad that i did the lessons really hit me today i am not sure why but i am glad that i got to hear what i did. sometimes i feel like everything is so right and ijust want to stay forever maybe that is why i hate change because i have to adjust and reasses i would love to stay but i can't atleast i know that much.

if you haven't heard the soundtrack to Garden State do it, it is amazing.


one last thing i bet there are a ton of abandoned blogs on blogger it makes me sad that is all

ok this is the last thing i promise actually i don't anyhow yesterday i walked into the galley and heard some christmas music now i don't paarticularly like christmas music besides hymns ( played on the pianoand sung by a congregation that is ) and manheim steamroller good stuff anyway that is not my point this christmas music reminded me of my daddy it was smooth jazz style with saxaphones and it almost made me cry i am thinking only people who care are the siblings anyhow i am excited to go home is my point.

wonderful

two nights in a row i must be doin somethin right. tonight was so much fun. me and alli went to a show it was jut great we went with a girl that is in one of alli's classes she was way cool and i met this kid named matt ho and he was hilarious hilarious i tell you. it was a pretty good show Love you Long Time played which was fun and a couple of hardcore bands which were errr different but fun i moshed a little bit which i haven't done for a while I got to see good old matt which was nice and i got his number so we are all going to get together and go to the galley (our cafeteria) together. afterwards we went to craigos this local pizza place and had bread sticks and just chilled it was a most excellent time me and matt ho sang some run dmc so great. i am hoping these girls will be our friends i liked them a lot this one girl named marissa was so funny she made me happy i am pretty tired i just went down in the lounge and my cousin was there and this girl named melody and i guess they took 7 CAFFEINE PILLS today and i just wnated to say serves you right that you don't feel well i mean bad ebough for monica who is about my size but melody probably weighs 110 pounds at the most she is tiny and she was complaining about heart flutters whatever the crap that is how could you be so ridiculous i just don't understand how crappily people treat their bodies ok there is my rant i am off

Ah

last night tiffany and alli and kerilynn went to "the work adn the glory" i told them that i refused to pay money to see such rubbish so i got the apartment to my self and let me tell you what i did took a heinously long shower, made popcorn, ate chocolate, painted my toenails, and watched seinfield at 11:30 i went to bed and let me tell you it was possibly the most pleasant evening i have had in quite a long time excluding the ones with whitters and david that is. so nice i really don't want to go to a show tonight but i think alliwould kill me if i didn't go so i guess i will just suck it up. I walked to zions bank this afternoon it was 18 degrees outside i am not excited to make that journey again on monday but alas i must maybe i will talk nickers into driving me down there that would be splendid i am hungry again i ate lunch just a little while ago but here i am hungry again mm so warm another nap is in order maybe i probably shouldn'y since i got 11 hours of sleep last night and i have already taken one nap today sometimes i just wihs i could sleep whenever i wanted to and still be able to sleep at night mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm oh yeah
so i checked charles' myspace today and suprise suprise my sister's roommate is off his top 8 i wonder what this means did gurly finally get the nerve to break it off? did charles find her doing some guy in his bed? did he finally break the news to her that he is actually in love with feliks? find out next time on As the Chair Turns

me and my siblings actually created a soap opera called as the chair turns one year on vacation all of our names were car names like portia and mercedes it was funny good times



SLEEEP that is what i want or a chicken like a rotissery chicken maybe i will go down in the lounge and watch the food network i need to tap that resource more often i love the food network ok enough of this drivel i am off

this is me being really cold in my apartment i am happier than i look i promise

Odd

i am feeling better today still a little bothered but meh. So this morning i woke up to go to math and i was in the living room napping while waiting to use the bathroom and jacob called . he said he wasn't going becasue he hadn't got much sleep llast night and since i wasn't ready yet i decided to just go back to sleep as well so i crawl into my bed and i lay there and think "just go to math it is not that big a of a deal just go" and then "no i freaking want to go to sleep i am tired and my throat hurts i just want to sleep" "just get up it will be over before you know it just go to math!!) after about five minutes jacob calls again and says "i will be there to pick you up in a second we are going to math" as weare walking up to the ricks building he tells me how he sat in his bed and just kept feeling like he should go to math so finally he got up and called me. So i was all weirded out thinking that something big would happen during class today because of our experience earlier that morning and oddly enough the onlly thing that happened was that jacob snapped his glasses in half hahahhahahhaha right after he did it he said to me " this wouldn't have happened if we didn't come to math" which is funny and true so i wa sthinking about all of this during child development and i wrote a stupid little poem about it here it is:

Math Class, Broken

i saw you twisted over there
Your Owner keeping hands,
and then dear glasses,
I recall, he did snap your bands

i wonder glasses thin and light
if you could ever find
within your heart to forgive
The Owner who's now blind

thats what happens when i get bored in child development bwahhahahahhahah anyhow it is the week end and i am excited farewell

i don't want to play freaking Uno

is it such a crime to want to be alone once in a while i swear am i supposed to be in some perpetually wonderful mood can't i just be to myself and think. Alli is pissed i am sure but i need some space and if i say i don't want to do something that means i don't want to do it grrr i just want to go home two more weeks of this and then i will be i am wondering if going away to college was a good idea sometimes i feel so unhappy here but i don't know if i want to stay home either i suppose i just have to sit down and seriously think about it sometimes i hate myself

the only solution is to sit in my bed, read blogs, eat chocolate chip pumpkin bread, and listen to yellow card thats right yellow card and i don't care what any of you think about that.

bAAAAAAAGACKKKKKKKKKK

holy crap sitting here in my apartment listening to amanda's friends rag on their roommates i am so vastly annoyed with these fools so badly"....the hardest part is yet to come..." ah death cab you are great. i have been slacking in the blog department yesterday all i could think about is writing but i got distracted bleh i have a bio test today not excited for that man people are freaking annoying. so i went to the democrats meeting it was pretty good except democrats are annoying especially in a mostly republican setting but i suppose i will go next week as well might as well get involved with something i have nothing better to do. I talked with charles for the first time in two months on msn last night not exactly a great idea but yeah. i am suprised it didn't bother me more than it has he kept talking about a bunch of girls who were hitting on him "with very sexual intentions" over thanksgiving i just wanted to scream at him he knew that it pissed me off when we were dating did he think that i would appreciate it now that we aren't. once he started that i told him i had to go and he laughed grr made me mad i am not sad anymore i am just angry i know this is not a good thing. i wish i could just forget about this. here is a picture for you all

Its been awhile

but here i am thanksgiving was great spending time with whit and david was awesome andi am glad i got to see my family i miss them a lot i think during christmas i am going to spend more time with them and lesstime with friends i felt like i wasn't hardly home at all last week and it made me sad. Jacob came over this evening and we painted his paints don't ask me while we were waiting for it to dry he started talking about how america is so corrupt and all this stuff and about how what is happening in guantanamo bay is retarded and all that and i was like ok ican deal with this yeah we aren't exactly treating people the way we should and it is wrong i agree with that but he just kept railing into the US and i kind of got offended, it was weird i have never really felt very patriotic but tonight i did. i don't neccessarily agree with what president bush is doing but he is our president and we should support him that is what i think. so yeah i got all "proud to be an american" on him which was weird like i said before i guess deep down i do value my freedoms very deeply and yes there is corruption in our government and people suck that is a given but the bottom line is i love this country and i am happy to be a part of it. so there is spiel i am a dork it is true. tomorrow me and jacob are ging to a college democrats meeting it should be interesting i can't imagine that there will be many people there so it should be cool and the guy who runs it seems like a nice enough guy they even have a blog on blogger here is the address in case anyone is interested
http://byuidems.blogspot.com/

alright i am out

So Good

It is so nice to be home i can't even describe it it is like putting on a massive blanket straight from the dryer ahh i hung out with david and whitters tonight i miss them. I am having fun but i can't get rid of the ache i don't know if it is because i am so close to him or what i just keep thinking about him maybe it is all these places that i have been with him i hurt and i hate it.

SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM GOING HOME TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY THINKS I AM COMING HOME ON WEDNESDAY EXCEPT FOR JAMESY AND IT WILL A BIG FREAKING WONDERFUL SUPRISE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

n/a

decent weekend, bad night tonight kind of sucked it is my own fault stupid myspace i don't know why i keep checking up on him. Actually I do know why it is because i want to see if he is still over me to see if i can catch one hint of feeling left for me. What makes this all so much worse is that i can't get him out of my head he is always there in the back of my mind and he is in salt lake having sex with my sister's roommate i probably haven't crossed his mind in weeks and it makes me ache. It kills me to think that in one short month he can pretend like six months of his time didn't happen i should be happy that he isn't upset that he doesn't have to suffer but why can't i freaking get over it! maybe if i didn't feel like he is the only person in the world who could possibly find me attractive, the only one who could love me like that. i wish i could find someone up here a rebound i know that is awful but that is what i want right now someone to make me hope again i hate that i am dreading going home because i know the likelyhood of me seeing him is high i hate that my holiday with my family is tainted that way. ok sorry i am being so stupid right now i just get in moods i was doing so well for a while there i just want to be happy and not think about him ever again.

Yes

I went to a bookclub tonight i am very excited about this we are reading the great gatsby i have already read it but i am still excited. i also went to another poetry reading which was ok i was really impressed with some people and not as much with others but i suppose that is how it goes i am getting nervous for thanksgiving i really really really don't want to see charles buterflies i have butterflies anyhow. yeah i don't want to see him i think i would cry which would be bad diana's roommate mary is staying with us and he is friends with her what if he wants to see her or something what if he wants to hang out with whitney ACK grr anyhow ahh tomorrow is friday and i am going to a movie with ms allison she is attepting to persuade me to ask cafeteria boy to it with us but i am so scared of him i haven't even spoken with him AHH rejection is most certain.

Revolt

So i commited my first major act of rebellion up here. I snuck out. Anyhow so last night cass comes home and sh is talking to her exboyfriend on the phone and she was just bawling. so finally she gets off the phone at like 1 and we sit and talk about what all is going on and then she called nick up to tell him some things that she has procrastinated telling him so they talk until about 2:30 and then cass goes catherine do you want to come to breakfast with me and nick? and i was like sure so we snuck out and met nick and a friend of his from home named matt and we were on our way to idaho falls it was a lot of fun we ened up driving around for about an hour and ahalf before finding a Denny's so we ate and got home around 5:30. Me and matt sort of hit it off like not anything big but we have quite a bit in common. on the ride home i am not sure if it was becausei was tired or what but i felt like there was something there does that make sense? all day i have been telling myself not to get my hopes up and voicing this makes me feel like i am jinxing it. i saw him before biology today he was there talking to a counselor he is coming here for winter semester i am excited he is a very nice boy. I have done a lot of writing today it has been nice i can't remember the last time i sat and wrote like i did last night and today it was very pleasant.

I roll the window down and then begin to breathe in
the darkest country road and the strong scent of evergreen
from the passenger seat as you are driving me home
Then looking upwards I strained my eyes and tried to
tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
from the passenger seat as you are driving me home

Do they collide? I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash, the world doesn't matter.
When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide for all time
for all time...

-Death Cab for Cutie, Passenger Seat

another

ok i know ialready posted tonight but hey anyhow jacob came over to study and as usual we ended up talking instead of studying anyhow so we talked about this girl back home that he has liked since he was 14 crazy eh? and then we had a much to long conversation about how easily he gets turned on it was awkward and funny and my face is still bright red anyhow yeah so this girl and he never made a move on her and he talked about how he would get so shy in front of her and all this stuff and i just couldn't believe it because it is jacob mr. never-inhibited-so-talkative-you-want-to-slap-him i just couldn't wrap my mind around it i guess everyone gets that way sometimes yeah thats all good old jacob i think i would be very sad if i didn't know him he is a great kid.

Anti Anti Social

That is what i was today. so i guess i was social but i don't like saying that so we will stick with anti anti social. Anyhow so i've been having some issues with amana as of late because i was kind of a jerk to one of her friends a few days ago so i let her stomp around the house for a few days but today i spoke with a dear friend of mine back home and she kinda knocked some sense into me so i went and apoligized to amanda and explained to her how i was feeling. I often feel that when i am around her group of people especially the guys they refuse to speak to me it is frustrating becasue the least they could do is say hi but they don't even do that. So i haven't been very pleasant to these people i figure why put up a front right? well this bothered amanda a lot and that is understandable. so this evening before dinner we hashed it out and at dinner i was nice to those people that i don't particularly feel good about. Honestly it was one of the harder things i have ever done just because i had to go out on a limb one of my greatest fears is rejection and that was a big thing i had to confront this evening. i went and introduced myself to these people who had previously treated me like a nothing and it felt good. In fact it made me happy, it was nerve racking and i had to talk myself into it but i did it and i feel better. So there ya go my accomplishment for the week oh yeah here are some "modeling" pictures me and jacob took today he is a dork but look at his awesome pants!! ah yes and icsicles.

BWHHAHAHA

http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html

just do it you know you want too it is worth your time i promise.

Faster

So tonight was fun went to this show with alli once again i was very impressed with the bands that rexburg has to offer. we saw the belefaunte, the handsome, love you long time, and national holiday all very good excepts i didn't really like national holiday they were all pretty 80's-esque ya know synthesizers keyboard drums (diana remember running around the house cleaning to the keyboard drums? good times) that sort of thing but i love it so it was awsome and only 3$ which was very nice saw some very attractive males while at the show one in particular looked like mark ruffalo but more nerdy and so very attractive i wanted to talk to him but alas i am a weiner so yeah. cafeteria boy talked to me. he said "excuse me" and i said "pardon me" and then i almost passed out. thus proving that i am not only a weiner but also a giant dorkette yes good readers that is the feminine form of dork that i just used. not the attractive kind either the kind that should be locked in a closet so humanity doesn't have to experince the painful awkwardness that encompasses their entire being. In other news i touched someones butt today. I have decided that there are three types of dancers at shows i wish i could/knew how to put video on this thing casue then i would demonstrate but i will just have to describe anyway three types

1. The Head Nodders-nods head arms generally folded across chest entranced look on face think they are "cool" i think they are dumb.

2. Spazzes- flailing limbs and hair enthusiastic/euphoric look on face skankers and crunkers included

3. Trying to Fight the Music--ers(ok doesn't work as well as the others but you get the point)- stand with hands in pockets with the occasional twitch to the beat of the music, foot tappers are included in this group

I generally categorize myself in the third group seeing as i have no rythm at all but tonight i admit i had some spazzy moments and i was tapping my foot pretty enthusiastically.

now i do realize that living in rexburg idaho has probably severly warped my views as well as sheltered me from what is actually going on in REAl shows in non bubble like towns so if you feel my list is inaccurrate let me know cause chances are you are right.

another young man i found attractive this evening looked wuite similar to an ex boyfriend of my dear sister except the guy at the show was all emoified maybe he only looked like adam becasue he had longish curly hair maybe i am crazy

random i know anyhow hope everyone is well

Lazy Day

ahh woke up at 12 i have sat in this chair since then reading blogs writing e mails etc. we got a "Q" last night so we can't have boys in here for a week but personally i am not to upset about that meh ahh ok i guess i will go back to listening to my roommates and her friends talking about going tanning YARG anyhow i am going to a show this evening that i am pretty excited about. ok maybe it is time to take a shower or a nap or eat chocolate or read my book or sit in my bed and listen to music i love saturdays it smells funny in here.

dakota likes to blow dry his hair

red poppies

So my evening was quite nice until about 10:30 then it went all down hill so i will tell you the good parts. jacob came over at 5 to do this math project then we went to dinner at six nick came over and we went to a poetry reading done by some of the english professors it was SO GOOD one of them was a lady who read an essay she wrote, she spoke about being an adult and she reminded me of a story found in Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine where an old woman is confronted with a child who is so sure that this woman was never a child in the story the old woman continualy searches for relics of her past to no avail until she is convinced as well that she has had no childhood. in the lady's essay she talked about how as an adult her memories are disappearing because young people see her as an adult and only an adult. This also reminded me of a story my mom has repeatedly told me and my siblings, at my grandparents home there was a massive pine tree in their front yard and my mom would frequently tell us that when she was a kid she used to be able to jump over it. Me and my siblings would always kind of mock my mom because of this statment and not until last night did i realize what we were probably doing to her. I admit i do find it dificult to see my mom as a child or even a young adult in her twenties. All this makes me sad because i can already feel myself becoming this way with out a childhood i am growing up and i am not sure i like it.

Today has been good i spoke with jacob this morning and everything is fine again this morning he was dressed very nicely and had a red poppy pinned to his lapel. i asked him what it was for and apparently november 11 is rememberance day in canada a day to remember veterans and those who died in wars etc. jacob then proceeded to ask me if i would like to go to a service for it with him so i agreed it was very nice some poems were read and i recieved my own red poppy to wear on my coat what hit me most were the tears that streamed down jacob's face as this poem was read

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

i suppose i just don't have much of a concept of patriotism reguarding other countries to see him have that much respect and love for his country was a very nice experience.

Another thing i found out last night on a sadder note is that my dear adam admason will not be joining us for winter semester i am quite upset by this but at the same time i completely understand. I am very pleased with the way this post turned out and the only way to end it is with some pictures.





One more thing i read this on a bllog ad thought it was humorous

Geraldo Rivera, from his new show "Geraldo at Large," about a man on trial for the abduction, rape, and murder of an 11-year-old girl: "Can you believe the unmitigated gall of this savage, savage monster... [five-second pause] ... if indeed, he is guilty."

bleg

another fight with jacob he made me mad this time not willing to go into details it is too humiliating This Hormonal House had another explosion this evening one of epic proportions my thoughts and prayers are with dear amanda hope everyones night was better than mine.

Warm Stairs, Cold Night

What a pleasant day i have had. i don't want to destroy its wonderfulness by reiterating it but just know i feel good today. One of my roommates dad's came and visited today he was hilarious I want to marry someone like that. I found a new band called Pedro The LIon it is amazing jacob gave me two of their cd's i will post some lyrics at the bottom of this post. Yesterday me and jacob had one of the best talks i think we have ever had. In the first days that i met him i was amazed he was the only person who i had met that would talk politics with me we didn't talk about dating or "hooking up" we talked about life about real items of importance not the fluff but the good stuff. Tuesday was like that he said catherine you know i care right? For a while i didn't think so but i came to the realization that he does but he does it in his own way. What a boy, I will be sad to see him leave at the end of next semester because i know i will probably never see him again. I didn't intend this to be about him but here it is he stopped by to see me while i was at class and left a note saying "catherine i dropped by to say hi and to tell you i love you long time" he is an odd ball but sweet none the less. I love being his friend it makes me feel special and valued i love being able to talk to him anyhow ahh so i am kind of attracted to someone his name is clint it is weird i sort of feel guilty about it maybe because i feel like i am not completely over charles meh. well i am getting sleepy i know i already posted this picture but here it is again because i love it.



"When They Really Get To Know You They Will Run"

what makes you think
that it won't grow back
in a day or two
husbands in winter
they know the truth
but what can they do

i don't like girls the way they are
so shave their legs
and make them look like movie stars
then we can pretend it's natural

put on whatever makes you attractive
if it's not you then do it for the sake of fashion
your friends like a certain you
that's who you've got to be

junior high legs
blonde hair gone brown
from removing it
waxing since thirteen
wisdom from a beauty queen
her tiara diggin deep in her head

i'm starting to think that i'm kind of shy
or at least i'd like to be

winter legs give me heart attacks
so take it off with lasers
so it never comes back
then we can pretend it's natural

Petty

petty, trivial, insignificant, not worth my time or tears all of this describes my evening, not even my evening just like maybe 5 minutes of my evening so i studied all evening until around 11 adam phoned and said he would like to go ona walk with me and alli. ok first i have to clarify some things so this morning i told amanda that alli had a ttempted to kiss jacob last night and i asked her to stop calling alli a lip slut etc. and she agreed i guess amanda asked alli if it was true (not saying who told her about it) and alli guessed it was me so alli approached me this afternoon and said that amanda had asked her about it and called her a whor or something like that. so i was peeved because i had asked amanda to stop calling her that sort of thing and i thought i had told her that information in confidence. ok back to tonight, so jacob comes barging in right before we were leaving and we all go out in the courtyard and i went over to talk to adam and alli was talking to jacob and i could hear her asking him why he told me that and i went over to jacob and he wouldn't look at me and i was like jacob look at me look at me and finally he looked at me and i could tell how dissapointed he was in me and it hurt so badly and i asked him if he still wante dto go to devotional with me tomorrow and he said yes so that was a good sign i guess so i just toldadam and alli i didn't want to go on a walk anymore came home cried in my bed took a bath and a sleepping pill that is obviously not working and waited for amanda when she got home i asked her exactky what she said to alli and she said that she asked her if she had tried to kiss jacob etc. i also asked if she had called her any names or anything like that and amanda swore to me that she hadn't alli's manipulative side is becoming more and more evident to me. i decided i need to either leave this school or move out of this dorm next semester i can't do this anymore. the thing is is that it is all so trivial this is like high school it truly is i shouldn't care so much about all this shit but i do i care about jacob's and mine friendship i care about alli even the she hurts myfeelings and manipulates me i still care i wish i could get rid of it i want to be able to be totally and completely apathetic.

Not Bad

my day was not bad sucked it up during volleyball but aside form that and the tumor in my mouth i am doing pretty good. I would take a picture of it but it is nasty the thing in my mouth that is. are you ready for graphic details? so i was poking it today and i poked it some more and it exploded a little and puss came out so gross i don't know wether to go to a denstist or a doctor so i am talking to my mom tonight. ifeel like iam some what preparedd for my biology test tomorrow but i am glad i will have all day to study my health test on the other hand i am not feeling too good about but i will just study my butt off tonight and hopefully i will do well maybe i will take a little nap i am posting now so i can focus on studying tonight bleg blog bwhahahhaha i am in a weird mood anyhow oh and jacob told me alli tried to kiss him last night which was weird but not suprising he is a good one that jacob

my darn camera refuses to cooperate so no pictures for a while grr anyhow hope everyone is well today and good night

Whitters

This blog is dedicated to my best friend Whitney. if i was a lesbian i would marry her hands down. she knows me better than any one else the only exceptions being my Sister and my Mother. last night adam let me use his phone to call her because mine is not working (dropped and sat in a bucket of water for who knows how long) i heard her voice then started to cry. i am nnot sure what it is maybe the fact that she pulled me out of a place i hated being in during the spring or maybe it is becasue we really are that similar regaurdless i love her and i cannot beigin to say how grateful i am for her friendship and love. i can only recall one time when i was angry with her and the oonly reason i was was because i was jealous of how much time she was spending with another girl. sounds ridiculous. i cannot wait to go home so i can have a close friend again one that i know i can trust one that i know wont hurt me.


i spoke with my older brother this evening he is stdying for the LSAT right now he is trying to get in to berkley anyhow he told me we both need to buckle down for the next three weeks and just work our butts off it got me thinking about how much oppurtuniy i have here and i wish i would have realized it sooner i could do anything i want with my life i could go anywhere i wanted to with my education and i am literally throwing it away why becasue i am lazy plain and simple i am lazy it bothers me so bad i hate myself becasue of it the worst partabout it is that i can do something about it but i never do becasue i am just so FLING FLANGING LAZY gosh i despise myself sometimes i am determined to do well on my tests this week if i don't get b's on both of them i am not leaving my room except for food and classes for the next three weeks i am just going to study all the time until i go crazy. what the heck am i going to do with my life next year?

Sleep

that is all I want sleep becasue when i sleep people don't annoy me i don't have to think i can just donothing worry about nothing just sleep ah sounds like the only solution can't wait to go home grsh

pop!

so i debated wether to blog about this or not cause it is kind of intense but i need an outlet so this will do. Friday night me and alli came home from wandering about and such and amanda was home she was in quite the pissy mood so i avoided her but alli decided to try and give her a hug so alli went to hugher and amand shoved her and screamed at her "don't touch me" then she left so i go into alli's room and sit with her and she starts to cry and that was ok but then she started really crying like sobbing and hyperventilating and all this so i was pretty worried cause i didn't know what to do so i just sat with her and held her she continued crying and right as i thought she had calmed down she said in such a frusterated voice sometimes i just want to stab myself and cut myself so i was like ack don't know what to do etc. so i was like lets just sit and watch a movie go wash your face and we will just watch this movie and she was like no i am going to take a bath and all i could think about is all the razors that were in there so i told her she couldn't and i wouldn't let her so we watched the movie and everything was ok but i am at a loss ineed to do something but who knows what i can't just leave this what happens when i am not here ? what if everything gets worse. bleck any advice would be useful you know i am at my whits end when i ask a community of complete strangers to help.

Rebellion (Lies)

last night was interesting scott and matt came over we chatted ate pizza etc then matt took me and alli with him to hang out with the people we went to the showwith griff, hilary, megan, tech, etc. they are scenesters i don't know if i like it. I mean it was fun wewalked around andi told tech i would give him 75 cents if he ate 10 1/2 pound burritos from taco bell and then almost threw up like a million times soit was fun but i donn't know if i want to be one of them. Does that make sense? The are all just so scene i don't like it and idon't want to be like that so yeah iwill hang out with them but i am not willing to become good friends with them orbe influenced by them i am ona continual search for some good wholesome nerdsup here that is all i want some nerds, nerds are the best sort of people they are intelligent, generally funny in a dry sarcastic sort of way, they aren't cocky(well most aren't with the exception of charles) they are friends with everyone, they don't judge you, they fix your computer, they don't care what kind of music you listen too so if anyone knows any nerds at byu idaholet me know cause i am in great need of some.

Dream a Little Dream of Me

So as you could probably assume i was a little bitter this afternoon but i feel a million times better tonight. I went to dinner and chatted with jacob for a bit and oddly enough that made me feel better we didn't even talk about what was bugging me just talking with him made me feel so much better. i feel so stupid about my last post i love my roommates i really do but sometimes they just grind on my nerves. i feel really ungrateful i should be happy to have such caring people so close to me not to mention being able to have the chance to continue my education in sucha good environment grr kicking myself for being so silly. Anyhow after dinner i studied and then jacob called to confirm that we don't have math tomorrow (woohoo i get to sleep in!!) i am excited about that and i invited him over so he came over and we took some silly pictures i did his hair cause his hair was cut today




after that matt came over to give me some music and to take some music he is a great kid he sort of reminds me of a boy i dated back home named wesley regaurdless matt is really fun.


jacob left and me and matt just sat and talked about school music etc. it turns out we have the same crazy health teacher so that is cool. anyhow at 9:30 we went to get a bite to eat and then we went to jacob's battleship game it was fun. i don't know what has been wrong with me the last couple of days i have been really mopey etc i don't know if it is the weather or what but i have just felt crappy meh but tonight was good i feel good. so i apologize about the previous posts just ignore them. this is probably my favorite picture i have of jacob i mainly like it becase he is not posing for it

Catherine's list of grievances

1. I hate when people use my computer to watch movies and when i get home i have to wait for them to finish to use it
2. I hate finding my cell phone in a bucket of water so i can no longer contact the people i love
3. i hate when people yell at me for things another person did
4. i hate conflict
5. i hate having to clean the bathroom pratically every freaking week becasue no one else will
6.I hate messy living rooms
7. i hate biology
8. i hate idaho
9. i hate how thanksgiving is so far away
10. i hate whiners like myself
11. i hate sweeping
12. i hate how much she talks
13. i hate how dramatic/childish she is
14. i hate how she has to ask my opinion on everything
15. i hate how she is so cocky

ahhh i feel better already

Slathered in the Sauce, Sarcastic

Gym locker rooms have got to be the worst environments ever. I realized this while attempting not to look at anyone else change this morning as i prepared to go to volleyball. So awkward . I want my mommy

Blind to the Truth

so last night was pretty fun i went to a carnival with cass and nick and their friends it was great fun i was a hardcore kid yeah i know pretty creative i just greased up my hair and put on black makeup hhahahahahhah anyhow here are some pics




a good time was had by all