what took me so long?

Be careful what you wish for

i was looking in the mirror today and i thought to myself why can't i see king dave when i feel like i look pretty like i did today.
at approximately 9:20 we smelt rolls and decided to go to tomasittos we sit down and we are just talking when guess who walks in the door.. you guessed it King Dave once again all we talked about is bookclub meh whatever. I just really like the way his face looks it has character kind of i don't know how to describe it, it reminds me of harrison ford kind of but not at all a little weathered i odn't know i just really enjoy looking at his face. and i like talking to him about books i wish we could have a more in depth conversation with him i don't know wishful thinking i suppose i feel like listening to really cheesy music right now like avril lavign.

i am a nerd i know i freaking have to read that book and i don't want to.

pine trees

this is pretty much how i feel today


this reminded me of my mom.

yarg

Went to a show tonight and had an AMAZING time it was soo much fun! afterwards we went to craigo's and Colin was talking to me about how he has a crush on Kilean and it was funny and he was like will you help me? and i was like sure why not but nowi feel weird like maybe the only reason he wants to be my friend is to get with kilean i aman idiot. stupid king dave was there and he blatantly ignored me the ENTIRE night like blatantly blatantly like look me in the eye and talk to the person next to me like sit acrossed from me and not say a word. at the end of the night as we were all leaving craigo's and i was talking to matt and KIng dave reached over and touched my shoulder i turned around he was talking with someone else so i was walking out to colin's car and he wasgetting into his and i couldn't resist "hey dave are you going to bookclub next week"
"of course" he said and proceeded to tell me that he had recieved my e mail and that he thought it would be good if i led the discussion next week and all that so i guess i freaking have to finish the book i am only 100 pages into it and it is 600 paages so i better get cracking not to mention whit is coming this weekend (woohoo!!!!!!!!) so i should finish it by then hmm maybe tomorrow i will focus on that. stupid dave stupid stupid dave. i wish i could just toss him out of my head arg

Homesick?

i miss my sister

uhh

I have had an incredibly odd day.

I have been massively home sick today
i traded music with Kilean and Christine they are excited to meet whitney this weekend.

So i was sad i skipped family home evening and chilled at the galley with miles marcus and jacob after i went home to an empty apartment and listened to death cab

Miles Jacob and Marcus showed up randomly and had a dance party in my apartment (i have a video of it on my compy i just have to figure out how to make it work)
After that Taylor (old taylor) came to visit and we chatted.
at quarter too 9 we started walking to music outlet and i got a call from my lovely friend whit! it made me so happy it was so good to hear from her and i am pretty sure i bawled while we talked gosh i miss her. so i try adn get into music outlet right at nine and they were like we are full whoever doesn't have a seat needs to leave so i had to go while i was walking out i noticed a door and opened it. it was the sound booth so i had a great view and i could hear everything plus i got to be by myself for a bit which i needed at the intermission thing matt found me and we had a good chat. there is something about the boys up here they just all seem to open up to me really quickly matt told me about this girl he dated for like a year and how much he has grrown because of it and all this really personal stuff at the end he said i don't why i told you that hahahaha it was funny i love matt we had a good time i like talking with him. after music outlet ended we all went to the spori building and just hung out there, there was a bunch of us and matt gave me the cd he recorded of the acoustic show it is amazing and i wish i could put it on here meh i will see what i can figure out.

oh yeah i guess amanda my roommate made out with chris from new jersey this evening bleh

i need to call jamesie i hope everything is ok he sounded a bit distressed
here is the video sorry the audio doesn't work they were dancing too Daft Punk the song is Da Funk if any of you have it and that is me breaking up the air humping GROSS oh yeah Jacob is in the green Miles is in the light blue and marcus is in the plaidish stuff


Share Video at DropShots.com

Photobooth

here in rexburg it has been snowing for around 3 days straight i am enjoying it quite a bit. When i was growing up that was my favorite thing in the world having mom wake me up and saying "catherine it snowed a foot last night me and dad are shoveling the driveway" then getting out of bed and walking out the door of my home into the stillness that only comes with that much snow. ahh i love snow i believe i get it from my dad. I am off to theater

Don't Wake Me I Plan On Sleeping In

me, taylor, alli

chris from new jersey is standing outside our door talking with amanda who am i fooling this stings a little. i saw king dave at the galley this afternoon, i didn't speak to him.

Weird

tonight was odd but good I went to Guitars Unplugged which was NOT worth five dollars music outlet is better than that was and it is free but out of all the people in the stadium guess who i managed to see...king dave of course meh whatever. after that me griff megan and trisha all just chilled and then i ran into Kilean and Kristine and i went home with them and i ended up talking to them and megan for a couple of hours it was way fun i am glad i am finding some girls i like to hang around with up here thay are pretty awesome. So amanda is on a date with chris from new jersey tonight which was depressing she said "i think khe kind of likes me" and i was like woohhoo. sad whatever though it doesn't really matter not that big of a deal etc. ok maybe i should sleep

what what

so i hung out with all of kinf dave's friends again tonight one named colin was uper super nice to me i appreciated that a lot all those kids intimidate so badly and i told colin that so he made sure to introduce me to everyone and to bring me into the conversation and what not it was nice. we went to a pizza place and chilled there then went to colin's apartment and watched part of a chuck norris movie which was hilarious but i decided i would go home since i was the only girl there and i had to be out by 11 anyway. it was a pretty fun night.

I forgot

So on tuesday at the show i saw this girl and i was like i know her from somewhere her name is emily where do i know her from so i approached her and said i know you from somewhere and then she said OH MY GOSH CATHERINE FROM ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!!! yeah i guess after 6th grade she moved to freaking indiana and then came here for school how weird

I missed Goonies

we went to some guys house and did the whole Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon wizard of oz deal. King Dave was present that is all i have to say about that. but it was pretty cool and everyone was oddly nice it is easier to be with THOSE people in an intimate setting the actually make a concerted effort to know your name. which was nice lovely griffith fixed my ichat forme so now i have AIM if any wants to chat it up tonight WOOT yeah. i feel odd like i need a mental health day tomorrow
but i wont

i talked to my social problems professor about the testing center. I said i kind of have a problem with the testing center and he said so do i come to my office some time and we will work it out. that made me feel really good he is a nice man. deedle doo i dislike a lot of people

sigh

After every social problems class i go to i hate people a little bit more and i understand why my teacher is so cynical a little bit more. Today we learned about Poletown a city that was uprooted to make way for a new gm plant. people suck pretty much. other than that my day was pretty good. In english we talked about a short story called The Jilting of Granny Weatherall i remember reading this my junior year and loving it and i am trying to figure out why. bleh i am watching the goonies at 9 i am pretty excited

You're like a strobe light

went to a show tonight it was pretty good parker played and this guy named tanner and love you long time all acoustic it was pretty cool this week has kind of sucked i am worried about crap i never thought i would have to worry about and it makes me so sad. oh well tomorrow is another day

This afternoon I took a half hour nap that seemed to last for eternity while sleeping i had this dream:

I was on a dirt path in the middle of what seemed to be some sort of grassland the grass was a sickly green and the sky was a dark dark purple it was extremely windy. People walked past me i couldn't see their faces and they were dressed in rags. i started walking down this path i past an old house i don't remember exactly but there was a chain link fence with a small girl as i continued walking the wind increased and i encountered a horse lying on the side of the road as i approached it, it lashed out at me neighing profusley my first thought was that needed to help it somehow as i aproached it again a man appeared and told me we needed to kill it to put out of its misery as he took out again and pointed it at the horses head the phone rand in my apartment and i woke up with a start.
kind of odd

i stole some pics from taylor here they are:

Taylor and griff


Matt, Taylor and Me


Taylor thought this sign was hilarious so he had me pose thats right folks 59$ wedding rings

Figures

he didn't come to the meeting makes sense and taylor (old taylor) informed me King Dave is going on a date with one of Taylor's friends tonight. Not to say that this is suprising i know he is kind of a player or i guess he just goes on a lot of dates bleh i am finished with this it is annoying and stressful and it won't be discussed again.

Best Big Brother

i pretty much have the best big brother ever this evening i checked my mail and recieved this from jamesie:



Catherine

Are you OK?

Do I need to come up to Rexburg and open up a can on that dirtbag? Because I will.Tell him if he messes with you again he will be picking up teeth with a broken arm.

I hope you are ok.

You are neat.
Love James

he is a good one for sure

so i went to music outlet tonight and dave was there and he basically ignored me so that was just great and meeting tomorrow will be awkward i bet he won't show up just to throw me off bleh i feel gross.
So i told my little adventure to Cassidy, Kara, Marissa, Alli, and Brittany (i needed some feed back) kara marissa alli and brittany seem to think that he might have a thing for me(!?!?) cassidy said who knows what the crap that kid is thinking and told me to have some self esteem about the whole situation
i trust cassidy's opinion the most but i am here to ask the blogging community (aka diana and james) what do you think? could King Dave actually find a lowly, nerdy freshman attractive ? i know i shouldn't do this to myself i should do the best i can to quiet the voice thats saying YOU HAVE A CHANCE WITH THIS BOY! inside my delusional head arg i am going to go clean my room


"and I'm tired, of so much wanting
and what if, don't even think it
but why not.

there's no rhyme and there's no reason
you're the secret in the back of my skull (back of my skull)
there's no logic, so please believe me
I ache for you

I ache for you"

meh

I think what bothers me the most is that it bothers me so much does that make sense. I will probably be seeing him in a half an hour awkward what the crap did he mean by all that. I figure he A. did it to piss me off or B. he actually meant something by it. either way i am pissed so yeah and i have to go to that stupid meeting with him tomorrow. grr I am feeling a lot better though I hashed things out with jacob i guess i said something to him the other day i don't even remember saying it and it hurt his feelings cried some more came home and told amanda about the whole ordeal (thank heavens i have her i could never talk to ali about this crap) and then i talked to taylor as well which was nice he is a good friend. ok well i am off wish me luck

ARG

I am so flustered so confused so perturbed

So i decided to go the galley around quarter to one I went in sat down with megan and kristine some new friends then went and got food etc. about five minutes into my meal King Dave comes and sits next to me. So he sitting there talking to megan and Kristine about his band etc. So i am eating a BLT and ya know how bacon is sometimes hard to bite into? so i was having issues with the bacon it was like hanging out of mouth in anoh so humiliating fashion but after i got a handle on the situation he said "don't worry i didn't see that" AKJSFHKAJGFAJKFH IT PISSED ME OFF SO BAD!!!!! and then he starts rubbing my back and i say "what are you doing?" and he says "rubbing your back" and i said "i thought that i had made it clear to you that i don't like people i don't know touching me" and he was all " what we aren't friends?" and i said "i barely know you you probably don't even remember my name" and he says" actually, Catherine, I do" and i said well maybe in a month or so you can rub my back. then things started getting weird he said "this is not how i expected this to turn out at all" and i said i am leaving. So i gather my things take another sip of my drink put my ipod in and he grabs my tray for me so we walk over to the exit and he says "were friends right?" and i said yeah and he kind of laughed a little and i said is that all and he says " maybe in a month or so there will be more" WHAT THE CRAP!!!!!!!!!!! and then he disappears so i get out of the galley and i am so bothered and confused and upset i go in the girls bathroom and cry for about ten minutes

Late Night

weird how i feel most prompted to write at 4 in the morning.

Something odd has happened to me in the past few weeks, all of a sudden I am noticing boys, finding them attractive etc. Not only that but i have aquired some desire to actually be of some influence and use on this campus. In some repspect i feel like i am in junior high again but a million times better, realizing that i am growing up and that i am ok with that, feeling like my plan of waiting until i am 27 to get married isn't such a good one. i can hear my siblings gasp from here in no way am i planning on marriage right now, but i have realized that it is something that i would rather experience sooner than later.

Much of this i believe is finally coming to terms with the ziv situation I am letting go, i refuse to be afraid that no one could ever love me again. I refuse to dwell on my mistakes. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.


Ben Lee--Whatever It is

Whatever It Is
are you changing?
do you know it?
do you feel it?
do you know?
but youre waiting
while youre waiting
why are you waiting?
just do it - whatever it is

there are secrets
there are places
there are places you can go to
they might tell you
yeah theyll tell you that you shouldnt
but do it - whatever it is
go do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is

and youre dancing
and youre looking kinda crazy
and your arms are making little circles
there are reasons
there are reasons you can find out
so do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is
go do it - whatever it is
whatever it is

its so quiet
and youre dreaming
i turn to you and say
"awake is the new sleep"
so wake up
and do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is

cos awake is the new sleep
awake is the new sleep
so wake up
wake up
and do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is
go do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is
whatever it is

alright alright 3rd post

stole some pics off of Matt's Myspace of our weekend so here is friday at the dance party that is Matt, Griff and King Dave

and then matt and alli

the on saturday at the show woot we are all piled about from left to right Kara, Alli, Griff, Taylor, me, and Brittany

ANGER

I am Angry!!

a weird thing: when i got my new music from griff all i could think about is sharing with whitney, as i have started really getting into it all i can think about is keeping it from alli.

deedle doo

so last night amanda came in at like 3 and i was up so we ended up talking about boys etc and it turns out she is pretty good friends with Chris from New Jersey and she even had a picture of him on her camera so tada here he is with amanda



neato today has been fun went to church etc then i came home and took a little nap only to wake up to griff and (new) taylor banging on my door so we watched better off dead and that was fun me and taylor like half cuddled it was pleasant he is a good kid then we went to biddulph so i could find the phone numbers for the boys in our family home evening group and call them I am the mom of the group again i don't know how i feel about that but meh anyhow yeah and thats about all that is exciting that happened around here so far

Panic! at the Disco--But its Better When We Do

A Show This Evening

This is me and Matt at the show cutest ever
So i went to show tonight which was interesting King Dave's Band belafonte played i like them quite a bit what can i say i am a sucker for electronical music. dave continues to be a weiner he is just so fill of it/himself grr he bugs me. so i kind of have a crush on dave which pisses me off sooooo badly i have absolutely NO desire to even find him remotely attractive i don't want to fed his already band induced bloated head. ok so that is harsh he is nice sort of i don't know whatever he probably doesn't even remember my name anymore why do i like guys that i know i can never have? that is the real question. Another band that played tonight wasParker which i thought was amazing i don't know what is on his myspace but if there is one about helen of troy that is definitely my favorite i was really impressed with him and frankly his music made me giddy. oh yeah her is Dave arg.

So we went to craigos afterwards and i actually talked to people other than our group and i met this girl named shauna who sang with "Parker" she reminded me of my sis and it made me happy, i told her this i am sure it scared her. i felt like sucha groupie tonight though it kind of made me sick i don't think that this will be happening again i hate feeling like that and the band kids are all so cocky like they can't stoop down to your level to say hi just becasue you enjoy their music grr anyhow yeah and then i came home and me and meg watched part of singing in the rain all in all it was quite the evening here is a picture of taylor (new taylor) he is pretty cute


oh yes and with all of my new music i have decided to start posting what i have listened to that day and enjoyed we will start with

Ben Lee---Ache For You and Apple Candy

oh yes and if it is extra special i will post the lyrics

In the rain
I'm walking slowly
there's a light
in your apartmant
and I don't know why
I ache for you

and it's alright if you're undecided or,
if you're scared that you might like it or
if it's true, I ache for you

there's no rhyme and there's no reason
you're the secret in the back of my skull
there's no logic, so please believe me
our love's confusing, but it never gets dull

it's getting late
anticipation
and if we talk
communication
and then you'll know
I ache for you

and yes sometimes it's just desire
another problem there you really don't want
but anyway, I ache for you.

there's no rhyme and there's no reason
I know the secret in the back of my skull
there's no logic, so please believe me
our love's confusing, but it never, it never gets dull

I ache for you.

I ache for you.

and I'm tired, of so much wanting
and what if, don't even think it
but why not.

there's no rhyme and there's no reason
put a secret in the back of my skull (back of my skull)
there's no logic, so please believe me
our love's confusing, but it never gets dull (it never gets dull)

there's no rhyme and there's no reason
you're the secret in the back of my skull (back of my skull)
there's no logic, so please believe me
our love's confusing, but it never gets dull (never gets dull)
but it never gets dull (never gets dull)
never gets dull
I ache for you

I ache for you

I ache for you
I ache for you
I ache for you

101th post

i looked at my little dashboard thing and realized my last post was my 100th WOOHOO congratualations to me. so i went to this retreat thi smorning cause i am on the theater and literature board i guess and it was really neat i iwll post more about it later i am meeting with my math group here in a bit

ok

So at about 4:30 griff and taylor(new taylor) came over with their external harddrives and computers ready to share music. so i got about 6 or 7 gigs of music this afternoon I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!!! but i only have like 1 gig lft on my computer so i am not sure what to do but i am thinking of asking for a small exteral hard drive for my b day i wonder if this will fly with the parents? woot i am excited. tonight we went to a dance party King Dave was there he came and shook my hand ( i think he is starting to understand the concept that not everyone likes to be touched all the time) and thanked me "for being so patient" on thursday, yeah whatever. the party was alright i am not a big fan of them just because i really really really can't dance. but it was fin i chilled with taylor and yeah so that was fun afterwards we went to Craigos and guess who was there... Chris from new jersey ahhh and boy was he cute. anyhow so yeah ok i am going to bed i have to get up at 8 tomorrow bleh.

and here i am again

jacob has not spoken to me since wednesday,in fact he has actively avoided me. in an attempt to figure out what exactly is going on this afternoon i called his dorm room only to be informed by his roommate that he will be gone for a week. He didn't say anything about this to me, he didn't say good bye. i can't help but pay some attention to that little voice in the back of my mind saying this is what you get for allowing yourself to get close to someone.

The Reading Rainbow

So the stupid internet refuses to work so I have resorted to writing in a word document then pasting I in later so frustrating. Today was good we filmed the commercial tonight King Dave showed up an hour late (figures) so it was me, King Dave, Griff, Taylor(not the one pictured below but a different one) and Matt. So the commercial is like 30 seconds long and it took 2 hours to film. Grr basically it is a picture of oprah with her mouth cut out and mine in its place and then I say a bunch of crap about the book club I am going to try and post it on here meh… any how so I was really frustrated because I had to memorize this stupid thing and I could not for the life of me remember it and stupid Dave kept touching me and I kept ducking out of his way and crap I hate freaking people I don’t know touching me ARG yeah so that was pissing me off and then he asked me to take off my sweatshirt and I was a bit hesitant because I always ALWAYS wear one it is just a comfort thing it is security I don’t know yeah so he was like “ we aren’t going to look at your chest “ and I was like what the crap that is NOT what I was worried about. Grr he just bugs me usually I am so comfortable around all guys, that is what I like I enjoy being the only girl in a group but tonight it sucked dave just made it awkward. Yeah so he is not my favorite I think part of it is that he is in belafaunte (local band) which I have seen pretty much everytime they have performed so that makes it a little awkward and I really like the way they sound but he is so annoying anyhow so I am going to his show on Saturday which will be interesting. This taylor kid is pretty cute I decided we switched shoes he is wearing the green vans(I hope that Is ok dia) and I stole his moccasins since mine are trashed. Yeah and he and griff will be coming by tomorrow to give me a crap load of music which is really exciting ah he is cute and he lives in Provo woot. So that will be neat yippee tomorrow is Friday and apparently we will be going to a dance party so yeah YEEHAWWW good night

here is jordi laforge

Fat and Sassy

Major break through kids.

so i went to breakfast today and i sat with some guys from my ward they had to go to class but i still had about a half an hour before mine so i decided to chill in the cafeteria as they were leaving i noticed cafeteria boy sitting by himselfand i made a decision. After prepping myself for about 5 minutes i went over and introduced my self his name is steve and he is TWENTY FREAKING FIVE bleh oh well anyhow so he speaks russian (that is where he went on his mission ) which is really attractive (ziv speaks russian oddly enough) and he is majoring in biology wants to be a doctor(like ziv once again creepy) we talked about books and music and all sorts of things i guess his family just moved from fort worth texas to are you ready for this? PROVO hahhahahahahhahahahahhahaha so crazy anyhow so yeah i am pretty proud of myself and today has been quite good because of it .

which brings me to the title of the post so i was sitting in american heritage kinda zoned out for a bit and then all the sudden the professor yells "FAT AND SASSY" and did a little jig it was the funniest thing i have ever seen hahhahaha

in short today has been fun and i should probably go search for a picture of oprah for King Dave so dear readers keep it fat and sassy.

Walleyball

today was interesting. I went to breakfast at 9 and read my book in the MC until my class started at 11 i really like doing this, it is nice to be able to relax a little bit and be able to read etc. ah yes my book, another reason why today was interesting. last night at around 11 my neighbor ran into me and reminded me that bookclub was meeting tonight at seven I, of course, had not yet read the book (Farenheit 451) so she told me she had a copy of the book and i decided to see if i could read it all in one day normally this would not be a big deal at all considering it is less then 200 pages etc BUT i had class from 11-4;30 not to mention i had to eat breakfast because i don't have time for lunch so as i stated earlier i woke up at 9 ate read went to class till 2 then me jacob, miles and marcus went to devotional (they all wore matching brown velvet suit coats and were looking -as jacob said-very ivy league) which was neat i really like miles he is a dufus but a nice one. yeah then i went to math til 4:30 and got home and read some more dakota came over and shared with me this amazing poem he wrote for his little brother dr. seuss style it was nifty then we proceded to go to dinner which i ate quickly and then read somemore oddly enough i finished with time to spare i am pretty proud of myself especially since i ended up leading the discussion which turned out quite nicely. So there is this guy in our book club named dave, he is one of the local bands that is quite popular around byui and he is well aware of this. he kinda bugs me. anyhow he is sort of in charge well not really my next door neighbor is REALLY in charge but he is supposed to be handling the book club. he is obsessed with oprah it is really weird. anyhow so he kept talking about delegating because we are making this comercial to advertise the club that wil be shown at guitars unplugged so basically everyone is going to see it (ack) and he kept like staring me down it was pissing me off because it wasn't like there weren't 8 other people in the freaking room. so at the end of the meeting i was talking to meg (my next door neighbor) and she wanted me to help her plan this poetry thing (which i am actually kind of excited about) and he comes up to us and starts doing it again being all like i can't do everything STARE so finally i was like i can help if you need me to and he was like thank you bleh then he like put his arm around me and was like "and what is your name?" probbaly the first time up here that i have actually told someone to call me lady catherine. bleh one of my biggest pet peeves is when people i don't know get really close to me i wanted to punch him. so yeah all the sudden i am involved and it is weird.
in high school i never did anything that had to do with school activities so this is all a little new to me it should be fun and interesting.

this evening we went and played walleyball again it was enjoyable those boys are fun to be with i like having a little group. It is odd last semester Jacob never invited me to do anything with him that didn't pertain to math but this semester i have hung out with him a ton. I don't know how i feel about that it makes me nervous.

anyhow i have to find a picture of freaking oprah by thursday one that is big enough to cover a face so if anyone has any links they want to share.......

What?

Sitting at dinner this evening deedle doo chatting with taylor i don't remeber how it came up but apparently someone in my family home evening group things i am pretty WHAT!?!? i was confused but i trust taylor i don't think he would just say that ya know there are twoboys in my family home evening group that i find very attractive i am hoping for the best ahh i should just stay away from boys up here it will only end in heartache but it is so hard not to want that. i miss it more than i would like to say that i do, i miss being wanted, it is strange how much i want that for someone to want to be with me and want to be with them too. sigh.

I did most of my homework this afternoon so i can play tonight theplan is to read american heritage tomorrow after breakfast and then i will be good. I feel really good about school right now like i can do it and i can get good grades i sure hope so. i just want my parents to be proud of me. why do i depend on all of this acceptance it drives me crazy i wish i could just be ok without it meh.

Dearest anne posted this on my myspace it made my night last night.
me and Briki looking good

Admit It

I love college students and their parent fed political drivel everyone is the leading expert on world and national affairs. ok what ever you say i don't care i wont believe any of your ridiculous claims and good luck to you.

"You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends, pontificating to each other, forever competing for that one moment of self aggrandizing glory in which you hog the intellectual spotlight, holding dominion over the entire SHALLOW....POINTLESS...conversation. Oh we're not worthy."
-Say Anything ADMIT IT!!

things will change

Whit-at a show
called sis-no answer
called little brother-no answer
settled for parents

current playlist:

Passenger Seat-Death Cab for Cutie
Night Swimming-REM
Title and Registration-Death Cab
Hopeless Love-Daphne Loves Derby
Brothers on a Hotel Bed-Death Cab
Pictures of You-The Cure
Blue Eyes-(?) Garden State
That Lonesome Road-(?) Teh King's Singers
Globes and Maps-Something Corporate
Hows it Going to be-Third Eye Blind
Everything I Once Had-The Honorary Title

I am not doing well tonight.

last night was fun. Me and alli went to biddulph (the boys' dorms) to see if i could see CNJ but mainly because she wanted to play ping pong. Alli loves LOVES ping pong. and she is good at it, last smester she sort of stopped going to biddulph to play ping pong and i never realised it was because i would not go with her. When i realized this last night it made me feel like crap, so i decided that even though i would rather shove a fork in my eyeball i am going start going over there with her, i will bring my book and my ipod mind you but i will go support. So we went to biddulph kara came over and i chatted with clint jacob miles and marcus for a bit as well as sweet michael so that ws fun afterwards we went to the athletic building and played wallyball which was freaking amazing. jacob's cousin joined us her name is Rosalind she was really nice. after that we went to a dance party which kind of was dumb but still fun so yeah i had a pretty good night last night which ended with cory's friend tell me that cory thought i was "asthetically pleasing" hahahhaa dorks hope veryone has a simply fantastic saturday THREE DAY WEEKEND WOOT

wait not done yet. so i saw CNJ and spoke with him briefly when he almost hit me with a pool ball my opinion of him has greatly changed because of last night. For one thing he is a spaz, one of those boys who is like WOOHOO LOOK AT ME I AM REALLY LOUD SO THAT MAKES ME SOOOO FUNNY BLEHHAHAHAHDF HLX!!! not to mention he is an insufferable flirt so i decided i will look at him (i still think he is cute) but i iwll make no effort in aquiring his friendship or anything further than that for that matter. I am glad that i figured this out now instead of wasting a semester on thinking that i just had to get to know this kid.

meh

that is how i feel tonight kind of sucked i spent like 2 hours in the MC with jacob marcus miles and clint which was fun/odd they kept having me ask girls which one of them was the hottest it was relly funny i saw CNJ (chris from new jersey) looking wonderful as ever and inducing some more nervousness afterwards i went swimming which was nice but tot is so awkward in the locker rooms blegh so after swiming i decided to go to tomassito's to buy some food cause i was starving so i got some bread and a drink came home and decided i wanted peanut butter and honey on my bread but the honey was all crystallized and weird so i nuked it for a while but then it was far to runny so i stck it into the fridge without the lid on it heard a clucnk opened the fridge and saw honey EVERYWHERE not the most pleasant experience ever let me tell ya honey is not easy to clean up. so that really sucked but meh it is over with i just feel weird tonight tired mostly bleh ok maybe i will sleep

ah roommates

let me get one thing clear i love amanda sometimes she can be insensitive and over dramatic i but ilove her she has been there for me when i needed her etc. i do not however love her friends or even like them for that matter one in particular who we can just call hoochie i would like to break her skinny little neck she is THE MOST annoying person on the planet. BLEHHHH GET OUT OF MY FREAKING ROOM YOU DITZY NO BRAINED BIMBO!!! that is what i want to say.

today has been excellent i made friends in english and math which is weird i didn't make friends last semester in any of my classes in fact the only time i did talk in any of my classes was to jacob and that was just in math.

I even made a comment in english.
Social problems was awesome i really enjoy my teacher because he is funny but i am still learning someting interesting he said in class...."power belongs to the person who cares the least" it is very true in my opinion. It is a wonderful clas it makes me think.

WHAT THE FREAKING CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE PEOPLE NO I JUST HATE AMANDAS FREAKING FRIENDS ok there we go
sorry about six guys just walked into our apartment how about you all leave HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE F ING DOOR so i have a little rage problem right now. blegh

Like a Moth to an Old Flame

ok
i know that this is my third post of the day but i keep running into chris from new jersey!! so taylor came over blah blah we talked to steven
pretty sure that is his boyfriend by the way here is taylor
and here is the picture of me he sent to steven (who was very nice)

anyhow so we did that and then taylor wasn't sure where tomassito's was so me and alli went with him and bought all this crap so i was like let us help you take this back to your dorm so we are walking along and guess who we run into? you got it chriis from new jersey so taylor is like CHRIS!!! meet my friends alli and catherine (earlier in the evening i told taylor i had a crush on chris and he was like he IS cute it was funny and he devised this whole plot to hook us up what a guy) so i i got to shake his hand again his handshake is nice firm he seems so down to earth ahh so alli was like do you want to come play ping pong with us and chris was like i am going to meet up with some people but i will be back in like 40 minutes if you want to play then
she agreed and he left as we continued walking to taylor's dorm i told alli "thats the guy that made me want to throw up at dinner!" i am such a nerd but i didn't want to stick around so we left ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh here is the problem though. he kept looking at alli it might have been because i just sat there with a stupid grin on my face but i think he might have a thing for her so i have decided i just need to stop this before i get hurt--- notto mention he is going on a mission in like 4 months so what is the point ah but he is so cute ok nevermind i am not going to think about him like that from here on out this is the last you will hear of chris from new jersey

oh gosh

just returned from eating dinner where i saw chris from new jersey who probbaly thinks i am stalking him by now so i saw him come in and i honestly just about threw up and he was getting salad while i was and i just wanted to die i got so flustered and i am pretty sure i was blushing the whole time. grr why is it that when i find someone i am actually attracted to up here i get paralyzed with fear it is so frustrating i wish i could just be normal and approach someone and atleast be there friend if nothing else stupid stupid anyhow.

Taylor came over here this afternoon and i helped him with some grammar homework and stole his music. I don't know howi feel about him i feel like he will expose me to things that i don't want to be exposed to maybe i just need to make it clear to him what my standards are (ps WHAT THE CRAP!!!!???? i shouldn't have to be doing that in byu idaho should i?) he just makes me nervous idon't know bleh.

theater was awesome today we talked about plays and went over some articles we read last night some very interesting things were said we talked about an article by brigham young which discussed theater one thing that i really enjoyed that was said was that we need to be exposed to both good and evil so that we can act instead of being acted upon i really like that it makes me feel like i have a lot of control over everything. alright maybe i will do some homework or maybe i will take a break and read lucifers hammer it is getting really intense


"I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning in an open tab when your judgement's on the brink.
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep... "

"I want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the mouth.
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene, start a brand new colony,
Where everything will change. We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)"
-Postal Service

LUCIFER"S HAMMER!!!!!!

it is a really good book.

I saw chris from new jersey at breakfast today i am totally smitten he is in jacob's ward i am jealous. so i was looking at a blog i frequently read and i found this humorous site check it out it is pretty good. today has been nice history was pretty cool today, i accidently went to the wrong class for the first time ever it was awkward deedle doo i will post more later probably

I 've Got Long Johns Under Slacks for Blustery Days

eventful day i would say had an interesting experience after devotional with jacob. I saw cafeteria boy this evening he got a haircut and is no longer sporting the leather trenchcoat but has replaced it with a rather dashing nice winter coat dakota kept prodding today said i looked "hot" and later replaced that with "cute" he is a nerd but a good friend i will talk to him i will. I ate dinner with jacob and marcus this evening it was interesting i pointed out a boy that i thought was cute as is custom in the galleyand jacob of course after stating that i find the "most homely " boys to be attractive walked over and introduced himself it was all very convinient after awhile jacob came back and this young man passed our table and said something to jacob. after which jacob introduced us chris from new jersey best smile ever and twinkley eyes that made me giddy. i hope to see him again soon. well i suppose i should go do some homework not much to be done meh

alli just announced that she will be naming a daughter(when she has one) stevie all i could think of when she said that is a wrinkly little baby singing:

just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Whoo... whoo... whoo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

And the days go by...
Like a strand in the wind...
In the web that is my own...
I begin again
Said to my friend, baby...
Nothin' else mattered

He was no more... than a baby then
Well he... seemed broken hearted...
Something within him
But the moment... that I first laid...
Eyes... on... him... all alone...
On the edge of... seventeen

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
ooo baby... ooo... said ooo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

I went today... maybe I will go again...
Tomorrow
And the music there it was hauntingly...
Familiar
And I see you doing...
What I try to do for me
With the words from a poet...
And the voice from a choir
And a melody... nothing else mattered

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like she's singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

The clouds... never expect it...
When it rains
But the sea changes colours...
But the sea...
Does not change
And so... with the slow... graceful flow...
Of age
I went forth... with an age old...
Desire... to please
On the edge of... seventeen

Two Points for Honesty

this morning i went to breakfast with the roomies and i saw a boy and i was like wow he is cute and then i saw him at dinner tonight, he sat across from me but at the next table down half way through my meal he caught my eye and said " i like your shirt" and of course because it is me and i am Catherine The Awkward i had a mouth full of food and couldn't say thanks. so he comes over to our table his name is taylor and i am almost positive that he is gay. sadly enough of course no guy can show remote interest in me with out some hitch to go along with him he is really nice though he is from new york city which is cool afar cry from rexburg that is for sure he came over to our apartment and we compared music etc he has a 60 gb video ipod that i lusted after it was fun though so i made a new friend yeeah
jacob came over thi afternoon it was very nice to see him we will be going to devotional together tomorrow which will be nice i was kind of scared he would just stop talking to me. I know he is capable of doing just that because that is his plan with failing beauty school girl i feel so bad for her i guess he hasn't called her yet he can be a jerk sometimes that is for sure alright i think i am going to go do some homework and you know what i am pretty excited to do it.

"Its just not death with dignity when there is an Esteves in the room"

mystery science theatre 3000 is hilarious

Idaho

here i am again back in good old rexburg it was nice to see everyone but unfortunately it seems that i have lodged myself in "the friend zone" with dakota meh it was a nice thought i am content to be his "best girl friend" he is a nice boy he came and visited me and told me he was in love with girly which is cute i like that he confides in me it makes me feel good. ok i am off to help cass a frass move furniture

Charles

ok so his name isn't charles its ziv why i ever protected his identity is beyond me i hate him and i hope gets clamydia and goes sterile. james diana whitney you were all right he is not a good friend he is a jerk and i hope to never speak to him again here is his blog on myspace i am unamed but referred to many times i have cried because of him for the last time i am sorry diana big jerk

I am sitting here watching R. Steve’s Europe a travel show on pbs that I enjoy and I am getting really excited about this summer we might go to Italy dad has been looking at villas A VILLA WOOHOO I have never been out of the country not even to Canada or Mexico sad eh


Cory is a nice boy I feel bad I need to call him and tell him what is going on but I don’t want to hurt him I hate myself sometimes.

I did it

Sometimes i feel so naive because it is still a big thing when someone holds my hand or cuddles with me people talk about kissing like it isn't a big deal maybe i am just that unexperienced but kissing someone is bigto me. last night me and cory cuddled i shouldn't have I don't have feelings for him i don't even find him attractive i have been tryng to decide why i let it hapen and why i encouraged it slightly and i determined it was probably because of charles. he was there we were at his house in fact watching season 2 of scrubs we all cameinand sat on the couch in his basement where he casually mentioned "I've had sex on that couch" The boys continued to play pool and i continued to pretend that i didn't care. So after they got food we decied to watch scrubs sam and edwin left and it was just me charles and cory. All night cory had been kind of touchy so i shouldn't have been as suprised as i was when he put his arm around me and what not. I just feel bad becasue i talked to charles today and he said he thought cory had a crush on me the poor kid just barely broke up with his girlfriend too i feel like i took advantage of him. atleast he didn;t try to kiss me thank heavens diana pulled up right when we did. blegh i am such an idiot.

I hung out with my friend owen from high school today it was fun we went to flight plan it was an awful movie but was improved by his clever comments. my nails are really long. i wish i could attract a nice mormon boy who i actually find attractive and that i actually want to be with.

i can't believe some of the things that charles has done to me that i wont detail i just thought he respected me a little more than he actually does oki am off to eat dinner

New blog

The author of one of my frequently read blogs invited me to contribute to a new blog so go check out A Test For Echo it is pretty neat Andy's blog is pretty funny as well.

and now on to other subjects last night me and whitney went to coffee break a local scenester hang out for the sole purpose of making fun of the scensters. it didn't work out to well. we encountered "mugs" from high school a girl so emo that if you look at her the wrong way she bursts into hipster flaming disgustingness. I don't like her. whit left around 12:30 and charles called me at 1 asking if i would like to join him and a few others on a quest for food wackiness ensued. it was fun though Brandon was there as well as cory adam and Sam it was quite a bit of fun i like being the only girl they all open the door for you and offer to pay for food and it is fun. Once again good conversation i miss that much. ahh i am hungry i want some eggs maybe. ok i am off to the races.

I honestly can't imagine barbara walters kissing anyone

the last few days have been odd i have been a little sad it has been reminiscent of those forst few months of the semester. but today is better. i need to find something amazing for me and whit to do we haven;t done anything really fun as of late so i have to figure something out for tonight james has come up with a myriad of suggestions all a bit mishchievous so we will see how this goes i always forget what i want to write in here grrr. ok well i am off to target to find a coat.

huh

i hung out with whit and charles last night we went to a bowling alley and saw about twenty people from our high school it was not a pleasant experience. It wouldn't have been bad but it was lal the people i don't particularly like it was ok they ignored me i ignored them all except a boy named matt. he has always been nice to me even though i wasn't exactly high on the the "social ladder" that is high school fro that i appreciate him he is a good kid.

I am not going to lie i was a shameless flirt last night i flirted with charles and i flirted with his friend i think i have come to the conclusion that the reason i keep hanging out with him is that i like the attention. After four months it is nice to have someone flirt with me without the presence of attractive roommates it is nice to catch someone looking at me, it is nice to know someone thinks that i am pretty.

marriage

my aunt got married today it was lovely. i will post pictures when i get them on my computer it was nice to see everyone i love that side of the family they are just great. my dear parents are going out of town again to visit my grandma i guess she isn't doing to well which makes me sad. my dearest david left for taiwan yesterday the funny part is he doesn't get there until like 9:30 tonight crazy. whitney is doing pretty well though we went to a movie last night and on saturday we will be visiting the zoo which will be fun. For the first time since i came home i missed idaho today. I do i miss the cold and cassidy and alli and dakota and jacob. I miss it but i am glad i still have another week. new years kind of weird hopefully it will be fun ok i am out expect more pictures soon.

woot

yeah the internet works again which means that i can put pics of christmas on here which is exciting so christmas is pretty much a big deal in my home and we have certain traditions that are a bit odd that we keep. so here they are i will start with

CHRISTMAS EVE:

we always have breakfast for dinner pancakes specifically

we watch a muppet christmas carol
we walk down to the park by my home and jump off of the sign (weird i know)


do you like how andrew doesn't have pants on ?
a good time was had by all

CHRISTMAS DAY:
we woke up at 7 we always do unwrap presents dad doles them out then we went to church at 11 it was very nice then we just chilled played games chatted with the fam and all that it was so much fun.

i had a sleep over with some girls that i am pretty close with it was much fun
all i have to say is tyra banks is a retard

today sucks

i am not going to lie today sucks my internet refuses to work so i can't write my freaking amazing blog with pictures about the last three days charles isn't speaking to me i hate everything i hate that i even toy with the idea of kissing him i need to find somone new.

teehee

I hung out with Charles last night. and it wasn't awkward in fact we had a really good conversation we sat in my drive way and talked for about 3 hours. we talked about our relationship what he did to me why he did it how i felt how he has felt all that sort of stuff. and music and politics and how he feels about israel and what he wants to do with life and what i want to do with life people we are interested in just everything it was great i miss his friendship if there is one thing about charles it is that he is a good conversationalist. James and mom were not to happy about this but i don't think they understand about closure i needed that so badly i needed to talk things out with him i needed to see him and realize that i don't love him anymore and i needed him to tell me that he doesn't love me but still cares. just great closure that is all.

And now presenting MY DAY O FUNNNESS

woke up at 11:30 ate pizza Tom the spirit of our family coerced me into tying ribbons on little jars of jam at 12 me james and andrew went downtown to sam weller's this awesome used book store in salt lake it was pimp i got a book of post cards from india or something. it is heinously warm outside so walking was most pleasant.
And the best part of it all was when the Hobo laughed at andrew.

in other news i saw The Chronicles of Narnia last night it was amazing please check out that link it is hilarious. I HAVE HAD A WONDERFUL DAY
and i am pretty excited about that
Charles and dearest hannah came over just now and he gave me a bunch of music like Jack's Mannequin and some skits from The Lonely Island Boys which were very humorous.
oh yes i feel fantastic

and christmas is in two days
deedle dee deedle doo



this is the fam i realize it is blurry but there ya go
fromleft to right
joe, Elizabeth, Andrew in the red sweater, me (Catherine) in black, Diana in red, James in blue and pops and mom and our beautiful christmas tree WOOHOOO
this is a shout out to james because he said catherine will you give me a shout out in your blog and i said yes so ther ya go it is time to go grocery shopping.

i am running out of titles for posts

i have used all of them up i keep looking around forrandomones but they are dumb there ya go. so i am still sick and it is getting worse again. my head has been killing me for awhile now my face hurts stupid sinuses i have been going to bed really early though so that is good but it is frustrating cause i want to play and be exciting and not be a stupid stick-in-the-mud-wet-blanket-no-fun-poopy-face. yeah you heard me. oprah is stupid she makes me mad/want to kick her. Ricky came over today that was fun he is nice and i can tell he tries not to swear around me which i appreciate. all these stupid boys on myspace are talking to me i want them to go away when did i become interesting to people. i am tired. i don't want to hang out tonight i have to go to the doctor i hate the doctor. BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ok nap time now.
ps my brother thinks ricky is creepy my brother is a nerd just kidding jamesie i hope you get your paper done and i will go to the doctor

RACKO!

Ah home is lovely i tell you lovely. last night i hung out with whit an david as well as one peter from my high school who is quite good friends with charles and i am pretty sure he was hanging out with charles before he came to whit's and then picked charles up again when he left awkward. meh. today has been nice i love my family for sure. they are wondeful and i am so glad i am here they are all so supportive and great. tonight i got to meet grey diana's friend which was nice he is a good kid i alsomeet a boy named ricky that is diana's friend he is cute and nice and i hope i see him again. Aunt Susie came to dinner she is getting married on the 30th i am happy for her but i will miss her on christmas and i won't like sharing her with her new children but there ya go. Church was good i went with dear kayla to primary it was fun there is a little boy named tanner who always gives me hugs i love him he is so cute. I am sitting here watching my brother and his girlfriend they are so cute i hope they get married i can see how happy she makes him. alrighty i should probably sleep

Home

i am home i got here about 2:30 talked with momand dia for a bit then went to david's and watched him clean cried a little made david feel uncomfortable then i went home and chatted with the little brother then i went with mom to take little brother to meet cousins for boys night out after hat i came home and just chilled, ate dinner with just the parents and i amcurrently waiting for the lovely whitters to pick me up i can't wait to see her ahh it is so fling flanging wonderful to be home!!!
oh yeah i got my phone from dakota this morning he came out of his room in his pj's he looked so cute i am not going to lie.

Already

i am all packed except my computer and i have been officially checked out I am very excited to leave but i will sincerly miss a few people who will not be coming back next semester. jacob came and said good bye at about 11 we spent most of the day together it was nice i almost started to cry when he left even though i will see him in a month i will miss him. i wish i could better express to him how much he means to me i suppose i will have to write a truly excellent note to go along with his christmas present. Tonight i have been listening to cat stevens i really enjoy it probably my favorite is Sad Lisa good stuff. I am wondering about blog edicate I want to post links to blogs i frequently read but i am not sure if this is ok. do i need to ask? meehhh 9 in the mornig is so far away right now oddly enough grr i wish we couldhave left tonight oh well. i am going to breakfast tomorrow at like 7 it should be great i will most definitely be sleeping in the car. Dakota has my phone i don't know what to do his phone is brokenso i can't call him i am pretty sure the parents will destroy my soul if i go home with out it bleg I am thinking of including a cd in with jacob's present just a mix hmmm. i have to get cass' home address before i leave i can't forget. she is going to be in salt lake for three hours on saturday i wish i lived closer to the airport then i would go see her. ahh home wonderful. i am hungry but alas no money mmk maybe i will attempt to sleep now.

but wait holy freaking crap i found the coolest website ever check it out
cool music site

Inept

pretty sure i am inept when it comes to computers/the internet or what have you so when i figured out how to make links yesterday i was pretty excited (my lovely sis taught me how) so in honor of this occasion as well as in celebration of me finishing my last test (yiiipeeeeeeeeeeee) i give you The Sibling Blog I am Smart

heres hoping it works i am off to clean.

huh

So exciting day today stood in line to take a test at the testing center for a hour and a half only to sit down to take the test and figuratively as well as literally choke. So i was kind of freaking out as it was because of the stupid massive line and then it was my first time in the new testing center so i was all anxious and crap so i sat down and i get this tickle in my throat so i start coughing and i was freaking out even more because all the people and i bet i was bugging them i felt sk bad they were all trying to take their tests and i couldn't stop coughing and i tried to supress it and i couldn't and the more i tried the more it tickled and i ended up in tears it tickled so much and hurt and i was so frustrated so i just filled in all the c's on the test and turned it in i ended up getting a 28% on it but it was only my child development test and he drops the lowest test score so i think everything will be ok but not a great experience. and then dakota came over and we attempted to study he played the guitar it was amazing i wish i had a tape recorder or something made me cry lots of crying today. Luckily he didn't see me he is an amazing boy. So we were studying and what not and he was acting all grumpy and i told him he could leave if he wanted to and all that and he was like no grumble grumble and he asked me a question from the text and i was like are you sure i wont be offended if you want to leave and he kinda yelled just answer the question dangit and i kinda started to cry again i knew he was kidding and everything i was just so tired and stressed and ready to go home so he said lets take a break so we did and we talked a bit he is a sweetie sometimes i think i could totally want to be with him i don't know days like today when he is so nice and around so much even the only reason for it is because he is avoiding that other girl i don't know he is cute but nothing will ever happen i know that for a fact here is the reason why: we were speaking about that girl that he is semi chasing after/running away from and when describing her he said she is awesome, different from the other girls up here, like you but different.

different i am sure in that she is attractive.

my dear cassidy is not feeling well i am actually pretty worried about her she thinks she has mono i am worried i want her to be ok i love that one i really do i don't know what to do to help her it is awful when she is sick cause she gets so sad when she can't go out and play mmk i am going to go stare at my ceiling for a few hours bleh i wish i could sleep ok off i go.

Dakota

I think Dakota is possibly the most interesting person I have met up here and probably the one who i most respect. This evening he came over to study for biology for the first time Dakota talked to me about a girl. dakota is confusing, he wants action or does he? I don't know he makes it seem that he wouldn't mind a relationship with this girl despite the situation. Odd boy anyhow Whats up with the guys talking to me about girls as of late? i just don't know. this post is pointless everything i have said for the past few days has been complaining i do realize that. i probably won't post half as much when i get home because the parents turn the internet off at 11:30 but who knows i leave friday i can't wait to take my bio test it will be a fierce one Professor Eastman called me at home today it was weird i like her she is nice i wish i could be her friend instead of her student but i am not sure if that is allowed. i have read a lot of blogs and to tell you the truth none of them are like mine they are interesting and funny and not stupid and whiny it makes me want to change but at the same time i don't because this is my outlet when i am pissed or sad or happy this is where i come it is like my substitute whitney and charles it makes me want to cry i wish i had a closer a friend up here so i didn't have to live my life through the friggin internet

I am excited to go home to people who actually know me. On the 27th i will be seeing charles for the first time in months i will be expecting good mojo thrown my way by the the lovely people of blogger.com

That made me think about dear david i am going to miss him a lot even though we aren't as close anymore i still feel i don't know attached to him? i am not sure what it is but i care about that boy an awful lot i worry about him going to a foreign coutry not know ing the language all that jazz he is a big boy i am sure he will be all right i just can't help but worry what if he gets mugged or something and he can't clal home what if he gets sick and no one is there to take care of him, it makes me think of when he got his wisdom teeth out he was so funny that day so sleepy and the hook "you can't get past the hook" i will miss him much and i ache for my dear whitney and what she is up against in the next few months i wish i could be there with her " a growing experience" i guess it will be that was my mantra the first weeks of college and one of the last things my mom said to me before she left grr stupid blog i haven't cried in what seems like ages at least i will sleep well tonight.

I can't wait to see my family again. my siblings are truly the greatest people on earth, spend ten minutes with us and i can guarentee that they will have you laughing you couldn't find people nicer, smarter and as kind as in my family i am so glad that we are close and that i can talk to them about crap they sometimes wouldn't care to hear and that i can count on them for support and love even in the middle of finals week ahh i miss my home so badly grr three more days and i am there.
feels good to unload and i am sufficiently ready for bed. so good night

PS i wish i had a picture of my whole family but alas i don't i suppose i will fix that when i go home
oh yes and just so everyone knows what i was really going to write about tonight was how i want to live in maine and how i think jews are hot, silly dakota messed everything up!

No Hidden Fees

I am feeling much better today to bad half he apartment hates me right now. So i get up at around 11:30 and we decide to go to lunch as roommates so me alli tiffany and karilynn are sitting in the living room and alli was like are you waiting for cassidy? and i was like yeah is that a problem? and she like freaked out at me and was like why are you being so defensive and i said i didn't mean to be defensive and she was like why do you hat eme and why are you mad at me and all this crap and i am like i am not mad at you so i asked her where my necklace was cause she always takes it and doesn't return it and she told me so i went to go put ot on and when i got back out into the living room they were all gone. i assume they went to lunch i waited for cass to finish getting ready and we went to lunch then ran some errands when i got back they were all in their rooms and wouldn't talk to me i don't know if i care well i do but its just so stupid and petty it makes me angry that alli assumes she knows what i am feeling i wasn't mad at her until they all ditched me and cass whatever i don't care.


ok so alli just walked in she is isttingon the other couch STARING at me if you want to say something say it KGBKASJGDHSKUHG

sleeps not coming easy to me now

i have been listening to something corporate a lot lately and quite frankly i have enjoyed it. still trying to get rid of this cold but i am better tonight then i have been if it weren't for this persistent cough and a couple of roommates i would be asleep ah well so it goes alright i am off

Awake

i am awake it is 6:30 why am i awake when i don't have class till 8 and i went to bed around two. stupid coldgrr iam so upset i just want to sleep but i can't everytime i lay down i cough everytime i sit up i cough everytime i breathe i cough anyone have any suggestions????

Hmmm

So i was thinking about a comment that was made on the previous post by phil (check out his blog it is really good) I suppose that tomy family and my friends would say that i am outgoing but in high school i think that i definitely was known for being on the quieter side i think that i have outgrown it somewhat being in college and all but i still can't talk to boys and i don't generally speak in class because professors scare me but meh.

So i was thinking about writing today and i realized that i was censoring myself because of the people i know who read this but i decided i am going to continue writing in this like it is a secret blog and hopefully the people i love who read this won't think too less of me

ok this is mean i am warning you

so i was sitting there playing snood on my computer i love snood i really do so tiffany was there watching me and she was like can i play? so I have my computer i am in the middle of a game what do i say? i can't say no that is ridiculous but i did not want to say yes i wanted to play snood dangit selfish i know it just bothers me when i am in the middle of doing something and she asks for my computer isn't it obvious that i am using it ? GRR even if it is doing something insignificant like checking blogs still there are three other computers in this apartment WITH NO ONE ON THEM logic is great. ok so that is my rant for now

Matt Ho is here i think he hates me he just seems annoyed like i am some crappy music underling and alli is some all-knowing music goddess just because she listens to incubus and never listens to any pop who gives a friggin crap if i have kelly clarkson on my ipod deal with it maybe i do like dashboard ya wanna go ? grr stupid musical elitists i should just go to bed it is proabbaly just cause i feel like crap and ryan didn't come and that is dissappointing and i am pretty sure he wants alli to so i should probably not get my hopes up grrr maybe i should just climb into a box and never leave so as to prevent any male from having to experience me having a crush on them i might as well just for go talking to boys and introduce them to alli so she can seduce them with her crazy eye make up and stupid holy jeans sorry i am done




jacob and his friend miles came over tonight i plucked their eyebrows in other news jacob kissed his first girl a couple of weeks ago she is going to beauty school and currently FAILING IT yes failing beauty school kudos to you jacob miles and me had "girl talk" he wants to hold this girls hand blah blah blah tiffany gave him awful advice but his eyebrows look good.

blegh

I am not going to lie last night was awesome but i feel worse today then i did yesterday i probably shouldn't have gone to the show buti didn't want to dissappoint alli further it was so much fun love you long time released their CD so there were a ton of people there kara took us again along with Matt Ho and a new boy named ryan. ryan is cute and nice and funny he lives in my home town How convenient we will be hanging out over christmas break i am hoping. i saw a young man that i have seen before at shows a very attractive young man i think i have actually blogged about him before i should have talked to himlast night i felt like i looked pretty but i wasn't too confident because my voice sounds like a man it was an awesome show nontheless the first band sucked but then belafaunte played and they were good. afterwards we went to craigos and sat and talked adamshowed up oddly enough he is always weird when we hang out in groups. we didn't have a ride over to craigos after the show it is about a mile away and it was about 3 degrees last night so alli coerced a stranger to take us over there his name was mark he came in with us and sat and ate pizza he was a very nice guy. i am exhausted i couldn't get to sleep til about two and i woke up at six because my darncold matt ho and ryan said they would come and visit us tonight i am excited for that matt is hilarious and i found out extremely ticklish. I have been drinking apple cider like it is going ou of style in an attempt to assuage my cold it has 100% vitamin c and the warmth feels good on my throat thank you mommy

i found out my dear friend david is leaving out of the country sooner than i had anticipated it makes me sad i will miss that crazy asian quite a bit he is a good one.

The Sickness

so it it official i have a cold a bad one, head feels like its going to explode cough so hard my body shakes nose plugged back/shoulders/neck sore from coughing voice one octave lower etc. i am not to happy about this cold five days before my first final but that is a lie i took my first final today i got an 86% on it i am quite content with this score all things considering. man i feel like crap i wish i culd sleep i tried to at about quarter to 11 and had no luck so i took a bath and tried again and no luck so here i am feeling like crap exhausted but unable to sleep i suppose i could do something productive like study but what fin would that be besides i think my head would explode. There sure are a lot of nice looking men on this campus maybe i am going crazy i saw sam today as i headed to the library it threw me off and i think he was a little weirded out too. it is odd because up until this point i haven't really been attracted to anyone here except jacob and that was fleeting well i guess there is cafeteria boy too but yeah all the sudden attractive men are popping up out of nowhere ok i am going to go take some freaking nyquil i sure hope it works

ps we passed clean checks thank heavens

Clean

Some cruel person here invented "white glove clean checks" i will find this person and murder them. i have been cleaning since nine just my room and i am not finished yet tomorrow i will have to wash the walls vaccum thoroughly make sure ther e is not a speck of dust anywhere including behind the bed underneath drawers etc. not to mention the stuff i have to do in the general apartment area of our house GRRRR i am tired i want to sleep but i have to put all the clothes back into my drawers curse this place.

on the bright side i did decently on my health test and tomorrow is friday that means the next day is saturday and that means i get to go hear some bands play YIPPEEEE i am happy. mmk i am off to clean some more.

Lights Out

So last night at about quarter to one the power shut off which normally isn't a problem but it the real feel at the time was -25 degrees thats cold i promise. so alli was freaking out and the RA's came around to do bed checks and of course amanda isn't home so i tell the RA that she is aat kristen's which is just across the courtyard from us (i actually did think she was there i promise) about 5 minutes later she calls my phone and is like i am not in the dorm and i told her what i told the RA and she said apperntly they are at kristen's right now i honestly wanted to just laugh because she is screwed i am sure she will get on probation iam positive of it i feel bad but then again that is what you get for breaking the rules right? so i was kkind of worried that we would be cold if the power stayed off all night so i had everyone sleep in the living room the lights came on at about 2 so we weren't too cold which was good so that is my excitement i am sure i will post again this evening

Deedle Doo

so pretty sure today has been great maybe because my team CONQUERED ALL in volleyball maybe because i got to cuddle and it might be because i went to another democrat meeting wih the lovely Jacob he is a nice boy. Matt E came over this evening to help me study fo health i think it was prety effectual and i am actually feeling confident about tomorrow but i am NOT excited about friday which is our "white glove check" the RA's had a meeting with all of us tonight and said it would probably take us up to six hours to complete everything GRR but oh well i suppose. man i am hungry. i got o talk to my little bro last night for like two hours it was great that kid is amazing i tell you AMAZING he was telling me the drama that is going on in high school and it made me laugh so hard!! i love that one indeed i do. OHYES i found a ride to utah for next friday my last final is from 7-9 friday morning so we are leaving at 11 which means i will be HOME BY 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO FLING FLANGING EXCITED I COULD EXPLODE INTO A MILLION BITS. oki best go read the great gatsby becaue book club i stomorrow and pretty sure i haven't finished yet. mmk i am off

I am Tired

why you may ask would i be tired well it is probably because my ridiculous roommate and her ridiculous friend SAT and TALKED LOUDLY while i tried to sleep last night i finally got fed up and went and slept on the nice hard cold floor in the living room around six i woke up and moved to my bed. this and many other things contribute to my sudden excitement to return home for christmas other than that i had a pretty good day i feel good this evening like i could onquer the world!!!!! just kidding but i do feel pretty good at this moment i would like: Some chocolate milk
a hamburger
whitters
sister
a nap
that is all just a few things not much but the likely hood of recieving any of them is very slim except maybe thenap which will come in 2 to3 hours and last 7 isshhhhh mmk i am off to do the math project of death

Another Day

i wrote this earlier this afternoon i have things to add though so here goes

Here I am in great harvest I just went to Zion’s bank to deposit money and I was freezing so I got a cookie and a slice of bread I am pretty happy about that but alas I am not getting an internet connection today has been pretty good volleyball was so much fun! My team was really nice this time and I played a lot better than I have been I play so much better when people don’t care about winning and don’t get on me for messing up everyone was just having fun and we ended up winning 3 of the five games we played so that was good I have a test in child development this evening I am not too excited about that but oh well eh? It is pretty bitter outside but my jacket has been working quite well so I talked to my sis just now and it turns out Charles and her roommate did break up I guess he cried. I laughed when I heard that I am a jerk OH WELL hahahhahahhah just kidding I do feel bad he is a really sensitive kid and I almost feel like calling him to see if he is ok….. almost I am feeling pretty good about this situation these days I am a lot happier right now then I have been in a long time maybe it is because Christmas is getting to me I dunno but I am pretty dang happy.


All day I have found myself looking at guys more than usual it has been weird I have never been so aware of all of them odd anyhow, I am thinking I need to limit my blog intake it is getting out of hand I am feeling a little overloaded in that department meh any how I am out I will probably write more this evening.

My sister said would ask my mom if she could come and pick me up that would be so much fun, better then riding down with strangers or even with mike he is nice enough guy just….different. I am excited to get to salt lake it really is a nice place and I miss my mountains
I should probably be getting home sigh



i just remembered COOKIE it is in my back pack maybe i will eat it

dissapointing this cookie is.
i am happy i got to talk to my sis today i miss that one a lot i do and i finally got to see her cutest ever new hair cut very nice nana very nice indeed i should go to sleep ack gotta call matt

matt was asleep i woke him up i feel bad
why is matt going to bed at 11? actually that is probably a good idea matt has his head on straight for sure. lost my train of thought completely so i will be preparing for the bed now maybe not
I am not sure what i am looking for do i want a significant other? i just don't know "i try to keep awake,i can feel this narcolepsy slide into another nightmare" that third eye blind concert was freaking amazing thanks nana a million times. I wrote dear preston a letter this evening. tiffany asked me what my favorite gift is that i have recieved from a boy, last year for christmas preston gave me glue for the rear view window on my car and a gift certificate to a restraunt, we never went but that is probably my favorite. charles never really gave me anything that hit me hard except maybe the death cab dvd but nothing really personal like that stupid tube of glue. odd how things work out. sometimes i wish i were an artist i have never really felt like i could express myself very well with words and i want to make something i don't know bleh


i miss whitters
saxaphones are truly great though scott told me he was disappointed in me today it broke my heart i need to be a better person it shouldn't be this hard. pinback is amazing mmmmm ok time to clean up the old ipod i am out sorry this blog has been kind of extremely disjointed oh well its for me not for you so deal with it

Dream

last night i had an odd dream. This does not come as a suprise to me considering my dreams of this week have consisted of a crazy asian girl trying to eat my insides as well as my dad forcing me to ride a bycicle to st. louis while the rest of the family drove. So this dream was relatively watered down. I was sleeping in the Colwell's home but it was actually the Buchanan's old house with some slight alterations, Jil came in and woke me up and in a hurrued voice told me i was going to miss my flight back to rexburg. as i ran around the house trying to gather my things as quickly as possible i noticed a number of men in work clothes around the house fixing things. As i continued to gather my things i returned to the room where i was sleeping a young man was in there, nothing was said but i was under the impression that this young man was the author of one of the many blogs that i frequently read. We began to talk and i was quite taken with him and he with me, i decided to give him my number and as i searched for a paper and pen he tapped me on the shoulder and handed me both i asked him how he knew what i was looking for and answered that he had had the same idea. In my dream i remember feeling quite odd about this exchange because i have probably given my number to two people in my entire life one of them being jacob. as soon as numbers were exchanged we found ourselves outside of my home in sandy utah my family wasn't with us but i knew they were in the house specifically in the basement as we joked around i expressed some desire to go inside and be with my family and he agreed at that i woke up. i suppose it isn't too odd but i woke up feeling weird and a little smitten with this young man who i dreamt about.

so there you have it bleg. I have not felt well today but i did go to all of church and i am very glad that i did the lessons really hit me today i am not sure why but i am glad that i got to hear what i did. sometimes i feel like everything is so right and ijust want to stay forever maybe that is why i hate change because i have to adjust and reasses i would love to stay but i can't atleast i know that much.

if you haven't heard the soundtrack to Garden State do it, it is amazing.


one last thing i bet there are a ton of abandoned blogs on blogger it makes me sad that is all

ok this is the last thing i promise actually i don't anyhow yesterday i walked into the galley and heard some christmas music now i don't paarticularly like christmas music besides hymns ( played on the pianoand sung by a congregation that is ) and manheim steamroller good stuff anyway that is not my point this christmas music reminded me of my daddy it was smooth jazz style with saxaphones and it almost made me cry i am thinking only people who care are the siblings anyhow i am excited to go home is my point.

wonderful

two nights in a row i must be doin somethin right. tonight was so much fun. me and alli went to a show it was jut great we went with a girl that is in one of alli's classes she was way cool and i met this kid named matt ho and he was hilarious hilarious i tell you. it was a pretty good show Love you Long Time played which was fun and a couple of hardcore bands which were errr different but fun i moshed a little bit which i haven't done for a while I got to see good old matt which was nice and i got his number so we are all going to get together and go to the galley (our cafeteria) together. afterwards we went to craigos this local pizza place and had bread sticks and just chilled it was a most excellent time me and matt ho sang some run dmc so great. i am hoping these girls will be our friends i liked them a lot this one girl named marissa was so funny she made me happy i am pretty tired i just went down in the lounge and my cousin was there and this girl named melody and i guess they took 7 CAFFEINE PILLS today and i just wnated to say serves you right that you don't feel well i mean bad ebough for monica who is about my size but melody probably weighs 110 pounds at the most she is tiny and she was complaining about heart flutters whatever the crap that is how could you be so ridiculous i just don't understand how crappily people treat their bodies ok there is my rant i am off

Ah

last night tiffany and alli and kerilynn went to "the work adn the glory" i told them that i refused to pay money to see such rubbish so i got the apartment to my self and let me tell you what i did took a heinously long shower, made popcorn, ate chocolate, painted my toenails, and watched seinfield at 11:30 i went to bed and let me tell you it was possibly the most pleasant evening i have had in quite a long time excluding the ones with whitters and david that is. so nice i really don't want to go to a show tonight but i think alliwould kill me if i didn't go so i guess i will just suck it up. I walked to zions bank this afternoon it was 18 degrees outside i am not excited to make that journey again on monday but alas i must maybe i will talk nickers into driving me down there that would be splendid i am hungry again i ate lunch just a little while ago but here i am hungry again mm so warm another nap is in order maybe i probably shouldn'y since i got 11 hours of sleep last night and i have already taken one nap today sometimes i just wihs i could sleep whenever i wanted to and still be able to sleep at night mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm oh yeah
so i checked charles' myspace today and suprise suprise my sister's roommate is off his top 8 i wonder what this means did gurly finally get the nerve to break it off? did charles find her doing some guy in his bed? did he finally break the news to her that he is actually in love with feliks? find out next time on As the Chair Turns

me and my siblings actually created a soap opera called as the chair turns one year on vacation all of our names were car names like portia and mercedes it was funny good times



SLEEEP that is what i want or a chicken like a rotissery chicken maybe i will go down in the lounge and watch the food network i need to tap that resource more often i love the food network ok enough of this drivel i am off

this is me being really cold in my apartment i am happier than i look i promise

Odd

i am feeling better today still a little bothered but meh. So this morning i woke up to go to math and i was in the living room napping while waiting to use the bathroom and jacob called . he said he wasn't going becasue he hadn't got much sleep llast night and since i wasn't ready yet i decided to just go back to sleep as well so i crawl into my bed and i lay there and think "just go to math it is not that big a of a deal just go" and then "no i freaking want to go to sleep i am tired and my throat hurts i just want to sleep" "just get up it will be over before you know it just go to math!!) after about five minutes jacob calls again and says "i will be there to pick you up in a second we are going to math" as weare walking up to the ricks building he tells me how he sat in his bed and just kept feeling like he should go to math so finally he got up and called me. So i was all weirded out thinking that something big would happen during class today because of our experience earlier that morning and oddly enough the onlly thing that happened was that jacob snapped his glasses in half hahahhahahhaha right after he did it he said to me " this wouldn't have happened if we didn't come to math" which is funny and true so i wa sthinking about all of this during child development and i wrote a stupid little poem about it here it is:

Math Class, Broken

i saw you twisted over there
Your Owner keeping hands,
and then dear glasses,
I recall, he did snap your bands

i wonder glasses thin and light
if you could ever find
within your heart to forgive
The Owner who's now blind

thats what happens when i get bored in child development bwahhahahahhahah anyhow it is the week end and i am excited farewell

i don't want to play freaking Uno

is it such a crime to want to be alone once in a while i swear am i supposed to be in some perpetually wonderful mood can't i just be to myself and think. Alli is pissed i am sure but i need some space and if i say i don't want to do something that means i don't want to do it grrr i just want to go home two more weeks of this and then i will be i am wondering if going away to college was a good idea sometimes i feel so unhappy here but i don't know if i want to stay home either i suppose i just have to sit down and seriously think about it sometimes i hate myself

the only solution is to sit in my bed, read blogs, eat chocolate chip pumpkin bread, and listen to yellow card thats right yellow card and i don't care what any of you think about that.

bAAAAAAAGACKKKKKKKKKK

holy crap sitting here in my apartment listening to amanda's friends rag on their roommates i am so vastly annoyed with these fools so badly"....the hardest part is yet to come..." ah death cab you are great. i have been slacking in the blog department yesterday all i could think about is writing but i got distracted bleh i have a bio test today not excited for that man people are freaking annoying. so i went to the democrats meeting it was pretty good except democrats are annoying especially in a mostly republican setting but i suppose i will go next week as well might as well get involved with something i have nothing better to do. I talked with charles for the first time in two months on msn last night not exactly a great idea but yeah. i am suprised it didn't bother me more than it has he kept talking about a bunch of girls who were hitting on him "with very sexual intentions" over thanksgiving i just wanted to scream at him he knew that it pissed me off when we were dating did he think that i would appreciate it now that we aren't. once he started that i told him i had to go and he laughed grr made me mad i am not sad anymore i am just angry i know this is not a good thing. i wish i could just forget about this. here is a picture for you all