back again

sorry about the birthday hiatus things have been pretty intense at school and this weekend i went home for the first time this semester. It was wonderful i love being with my family so very very much i should be in spanish right now but i looked on my syllabus for my ed class and it said i had a paper due so i started to write it and what not and i realized that our teacher said it wouldn't be due till wednesday so now if i went to spanish i would be like 20 minutes late anyways so i just decided to screw it and study for my grammar test instead. mreh here is something funny for you

ancy

i am feeling awfully fidgety this evening i think i will go on a walk here in a bit, i don't know why i am feeling like this i didn't think prison break wound me up this much. maybe i am just giddy because i spent a good amount of time with someone i find quite attractive but that was hours ago but then again he did call a short while ago to see how prison break was going mreeeehhh

i hate when i start liking boys because i get obsessive diana is the same way we just sit and stew and think grrr and it becomes irritating

i am trying to sort my feelings out about my 20th birthday which is quickly approaching i am not sure how i feel, well i guess i do, i feel old. I am scared what the next year will bring for me, preston will get home my sister will have her baby and i will start preparing for a mission. weird weird weird. not being a teenager always seemed so distant to me like i would never get there and when i did i would be ready for it, i am afraid i am not. Although i do feel that i have grown up a ton this last year i am not ready to be twenty years old

i can't wait any longer to see my sis i miss her so very much

today has been normal except everything is really chill at the apartment because everyone's mom is here already it is nice and quiet so i am going to clean my room a little bit and do some spanish homework then go to russian culture and then work out and then they will be here!! and it will be great!

impending doom in the form of book club

I am a wee bit nervous for tonight we are discussing man's search for meaning and i am not sure if i fully grasp the subject matter but mreh we will see how it goes today has been pleasant class and a study group and more class, i am so excited for my family to be here i may explode only 24 more hours WOOHOOO

Another delay, Too many hassels, Where do we go, How do we follow

LALALALALALA i love today i think


went to spanish it was a grand old time as always then i proceeded to finish reading All Quiet On the Western Front made me cry stupid book saw matt and chatted for a bit then ran into good old nick and we went and passed out some book marks 350 to be exact that was a joyous time. after that we walked back up to the ricks building and lo and behold who is asleep on a couch, matt of course! so cass, who was passing, woke him up and matt and I ended up talking for about a hour and a half, it was very pleasant, he is a good person to talk to just funny and down to earth, there is not much pretense about that boy and i find it endearing.

and here comes the predicament, i have reached the point where i need to decide if i want to do the logical thing and keep my distance and maybe back up more or if i should blindly follow my emotions and let myself get more attached and more involved. Things to take into mind: 1. i am going home in a month 2. he won't be here in the fall 3. i might not come back winter 4. i don't know how he feels about me at all, he may think i am the most irritating person on the planet, but like i said he is not one for pretense i don't think he would call me etc if he didn't want to.

mreh i am not going to worry about it tonight i am going to watch prison break and sit close.

dreams

i had an odd set of dreams last night. I first dreamt about matt we were outside somewhere and we just started embracing, we just stayed that way fro a long time it was so pleasant to be held. The next involved diana and preston we were at this beauty pagent that diana was in and preston and i were wandering around the hotel i was trying to find diana and when i finally did i was so happy because i hadn't talked to her yet after i talked to her preston and i decided we wanted to go work out, but preston was in a wheel chair and was paralyzed from the waist down so i went to go get ready and i couldn't find my gym clothes so i just went in jeans, so preston and i lifted weights and then i went to find dia again and she was in this party and at first i couldn't get in and i was so frustrated but then finally the bouncer guy let me in. So i went and sat down with diana and she was a little bit drunk. we just sat and talked about what was going on around us.


i really do not want to go to school today.

i want to stay home and watch buffy the vampire slayer with melissa oh well

oh yes here is the south park version of my family that my brother in law made we are awesome

mreh mreh mreh

yesterday was a decent day i started getting irritated during the evening so i went to my room and read Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli i just adore that book and it made me feel better. at around 10:30 matt came over and he and chris and cassidy and i sat and talked in the kitchen for a good while they are good boys i like hanging out with them it makes me happy we started talking about how we probably shouldn't watch so much Prison Break and matt said well we can just watch it sparingly and do other things to like read a book and talk about it maybe and i said matt do you know how long i have been waiting for someone to say that to me? and he looked at me like i was a freak. hahahhaha mreh

anyhow we decided to exchange favorite books so i gave him my copy of catcher in the rye and he told me to get All Quiet on the Western Front from the library i started it today even though i should be reading Man's Search for Meaning since book club is on thursday (ACK) but i couldn't find it at the library any how All Quiet on the Western Front is pretty good thus far but we will see how it goes alright i am out of here

a moment alone

i see Prison Break taking over my life luckily there are only two seasons of it ahhhh tonight was fun it got me excited for next weekend for some reason. I just can't wait to see dad mom and diana it will be so nice





his name would be wentworth

cont'd

i finally called him at 9:00 with much egging from melissa
he had just gotten home from the gym, he came and got me and steph got some food rented the first season of prison break and it was a lot of fun

this is why i hate being attracted to people because i am thrown into this seemingly endless turmoil of question, it frustrates me

Internal Dialogue

should i call him
um i am thinking no
why not though the worst thing he could be is busy
yes you are right that would be the worst thing because you were ALREADY TOLD THAT HE ISN'T so if you do call him and he says he is busy then you know he is lying to get out of hanging out with you
what is the problem with calling anyway its no big deal
except he might see right through you and decide that you are an over eager crazy stalker who is obsessed with him or something
am not
just wait it out, they said he asked what you were doing tonight, if we wants to he will call
arg!


It's getting late,
anticipation.
If we talk,
communication,
then you know
I ache for you

Yes, sometimes
it's just desire,
another problem that you really don't want, but
anyway, I ache for you

There's no rhyme
and there's no reason.
You know the secret in the back of my skull.
There's no logic
so please believe me.
Love's confusing but it never gets,
it never gets dull.

friday

i am so glad it is friday i can't even describe it

hopefully tonight will be nice and relaxing and tomorrow i will get some work done. last night i looked at my midterm grades and i almost cried i have three A's a B and a C, i have never done this well sad isn't it? anyway today i have a quiz in russian culture that i shoould probably be studying for.

last night i had the weirdest dream it was a classroom setting but there were beds and stuff there we were talking about relationships and ziv and my roommate krista were in one of the beds spooning, ziv kept turning around to talk to me about our relationship then jordan came and handed me some balloons and told me happy valentines day it was weird.

ok i am off to study

sickish

i am not feeling to hot today two of my roommates are sick one with the worst case of the flue i have ever seen and one with a cold i am praying for the cold. i didn't go to grammar but rather came home collapsed in my bed for about two hours not something that happens often. i am so ready for this week to be over and i am so ready for my family to come and visit me for mother's weekend! I just received my letter from jacob in the mail it made me happy i am going to need to do a lot of writing this weekend and send some pictures to some boys lots of fun. well i think i am going to go do some reading for doctrines of the gospel

Distracted

I am sitting here trying to write a paper for my ed class that starts in an hour and i can't concentrate. The classroom near me has a guest speaker talking about drug dogs it is interesting i want to listen i don't want to write my paper.

i am trying to figure out if i want to go home this weekend or not i am thinking not because next weekend is mothers weekend so i will see mom then and i just barely got back from washington i don't think i will go. maybe i will stay home and edit jordan's papers and get some homework done.
last night i had a discussion with cassidy, recently i have found myself increasingly interested in a young man, last night i asked cassidy her opinion on the matter. She said Catherine could you honestly see yourself marrying this boy and i said that i wasn't sure but it was a possibilty, she replied that if i didn't think i wanted to marry him i shouldn't waste my time. This disturbed me, i guess i just wasn't all that aware of my age, she is right though i am to the point where relationships aren't just dating for fun they are now in preparation for marriage. This thought startled me, i am not happy about it, i want to have fun and not worry about marriage
mreh well i best quit procrastinating

What a good weekend

So i was going to go home for the weekend and i was excited but friday afternoon rolled around and cassidy said catherine why don't you just come home with me? and i said ok. so i went to washington for the weekend it was so much fun!! we just hung out with her family and what not and it was totally worth the nine hours there and back, not to mention matt and this guy chris rode with us and that made it a lot of fun as well. I absolutely love cassidy's family they are so nice i felt so welcome in their home. anyway it was a great weekend

As i walked to my first class this morning i reflected on my thoughts yesterday and i realized that i am just a horribly ungrateful person. Here i am at this wonderful university with great friends getting a good education and still i complain. I have so many blessings in my life my family loves me i live in a free country and i have this wonderful church to lift me up. I have no right to complain about something so petty.

In this apartment of beautiful young women it is often times difficult to remain positive about my appearance although i don't think that i am particularly unattractive, after spending many hours in the living room watching all the young men flirt with my wonderful roommates while only stating to me "uhh...I like your cooking" I begin to feel unappealing. I wish i could feel better about this on my own but i will be the first to admit that I need male validation. I need some one to tell me i am beautiful i need someone to find me attractive.

but alas i don't know when or if it ever will again happen

sometimes

i just feel like this

like i said best weekend ever

last night we went to matt's and watched world trade center ate pizza and has some fun:
cass and i


matt

at around 12:20 am it started raining and melissa and i took a walk it was so very nice i love to walk in the rain.
tonight cass and i made some brownies then cass tyleen and i all went puddle JUMPING!!!!!!! it was freaking awesome!




woohoo!! i hope this week goes just as well

Nice and Muddy!!

this weekend has rocked i must say.

last night was amazing i have never seen anything like that i can't even describe it, it was so awesome! after the concert i came home and read the Catcher in the Rye and chilled with cass tyleen jordan and matt then went to sleep, today i took a test went to the gym and then we played football in the mud!!!!! it was freaking awesome!! here are some pictures woot!!
melissa me tricia and krista

I am awfully muddy


fun was had by all

Acoustic Inconsistency

Last night Cass and I went to Matt's house and watched Family Guy for the second night in a row, it was amazingly hilarious i love that show. today has been pleasant i finished all of my spanish crap and i feel pretty good about the dialogue that we did today woohoo!

now i just have to take my religion test bleh we had to memorize ten scriptures i think my favorite of the ten is
Alma 7:11-12
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.


Tonight Tricia, Megan and i are going to this dance program that is going on so that should be interesting. Also i am sending david's birthday present today i hope he likes it. alright i am out

smelly boys

boys are stupid they really are. I went to a ward party tonight it was fun, there is this guy, he is a premie he is attractive, too attractive. he has the kind of attitude of King Dave, he knows he is attractive it is so irritating. regardless he is an idiot.

ok that was pointless.

today was a really good day it was like 45 degrees the sun was shining ahh so gorgeous. Despite my fit of insomnia last night i was able to maintain a good level of consciousness in my classes, i am beginning to enjoy grammar more now that i am not so frightened of it. lallalalala anyhow i am off to do some spanish

Streams of Mercy Never Ceasing

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
Praise the mount, I’m fixed upon it
Mount of Thy unchanging love

Here I raise my Ebenezer,
Hither by Thy help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be;
Let that grace now like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Oh, that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in the blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy wondrous grace!
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send Thine angels soon to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

saturday

what a good day

i got up just chilled read my book etc. went to the gym and then i went with the neighbors and their FHE brothers to the Idaho Falls Temple it was absolutely wonderful i don't remember the last time i felt so peaceful. after the temple Jamie took me grocery shopping and we all went and got some food and watched The Ring which was alrightish.

it was a very pleasant day.

Apparently Matt is having a super bowl party right now but i don't know if i really want to go or not mreh

good end to a bad week

today has been pleasant, in russian culture we had russian food day so i had some borsht and pelini and these dumpling things as well as this stuff called kavas or something that smelled like beer but the professor claimed it was non alcoholic regardless it tasted like crap so that was fun.

when i got home from class i just kind of chilled with daniel and lindsey it was pretty cool at around 8:30 Matt called and then came over and we just talked and watched the food network and talked some more. when dan and lindsey got back from getting food etc. we decided to watch phenomenon which was mediocre mreh.
the important part is that it was a superbly relaxing evening and i got to matt a little better and that was nice as well.

Main Entry: em·pa·thy
Pronunciation: 'em-p&-thE
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek empatheia, literally, passion, from empathEs emotional, from em- + pathos feelings, emotion -- more at PATHOS
the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this


i have never known what this meant until tonight, I am literally aching with you mike

I must say

Things have gone from spectacularly well to pretty darn crummy quite quickly.
this weekend was so much fun! i have already written about it in like five letters so i don't think i will bore you with too many details, but it included a retreat for Activities, a freaking hugely awesome bonfire and a sobe bomb with Matt, Daniel their friends and a bunch of my roommates, and ended with a very nice dinner with daniel and his roommates and then going to Matt's to watch sahara.

on the other hand my week started out with my ipod dying my glasses falling apart and sleeping through my first class WOOHOO!!

spanish oral test and written test tomorrow and a paper to write tonight this week will be very interesting.

i hope everyone is well.. family i love you!!!

Busy

i have been awfully busy as of late

i found out i got a 87% on my spanish test, i am very satisfied with that score.
school and what not has been way good everything is going relatively smoothly. My Russian Culture class was freaking awesome today we listened to russian pop music it was pimp. I kinda have a crush on this guy in my class his name is roger he is awfully cute, i only mention it because our relationship reached a new peak today in that he sat near me and we actually spoke opposed to the wistful gazing across the room that i have been doing previously this is quite an achievement.

last night i went to adopt a grandparent with melissa and jw it was a lot of fun we met some awesome people. tonight i have another meeting for activities, it should be good we are going on a retreat this weekend so that will be neat. I am pretty sure i have to think up a bonding activity for twenty five people crap i should get on that i suppose.

if you have the resources you should check out the song

Fall Saddles by Why?

i promise it is worth your time --thanks dia

Why?

listening for the hoofs of the rescue party.
waiting for some ghost pony to glide into berkeley
with an old fish bowl for a tear trap strapped to its ghost saddle.
and it moves slow like an exercise bike on an airport walkway.
something that wouldn't smell like ground ants or glossy magazine cologne,
but a wet street after light late summer rain,
a wooden match just lit,
or something new in the green subject of a landscape painting,
or something new in the foreground in a poster of some asian mountains
that says "patience" in a funky italics.
-The Hoofs

the flu?

i think i have got it.

it has been a very unpleasant 24 hours but i think it is clearing up a little.
I talked to my parents today it was very nice,i love them so much they are so good to me. I hadn't talked to my dad in a long time, i told him i was going to call him at work but decided not to in case he was busy and he said "call me at work anytime" it made me happy. have i ever said that i have the best family in the whole world because i do. and don't you forget it

Thanking Strangers

1. Thank you Free Hugs boys in the student union you really did make my day


2. Thank random young man who offered to take my garbage to the dumpster for me, you made me feel so good.
3. Thank you nice waitress you made my experience ten times better than it would have been otherwise.
4. Thank you to the countless young men on campus who have opened doors for me this week.
5. Thank you girls in my grammar class for making me feel comfortable while teaching about coordinating and cumulative adjectives.
5. Thank you to everyone who's blog I read for providing me some escape when i need it.

So much to do

I am going crazy i have so much crap to do in the next three days, i am feeling like i did during finals week, i hope this eases up a little bit.

This morning was really nice. I got up and took a shower ate some breakfast got ready very slowly then tricia stopped by and i got a ride to class from her. I also finished we the living this morning, it is probably the most depressing book i have ever read. it is awful, but it is really good. lallalala

ok well break time is over i must get back to those races

stupid apartment complex

the internet is out at my apartment again i am pissed so here i am blogging at the library in an uncomfortable fashion. today was crazy because of the lack of internet and my massive procrastination i barely completed the assignments due today but i did do it and that is the important thing AND i actually got up early to do them i am proud of myself woot go me.

I got a letter from david today it was grand it made me very happy i always am happy to recieve mail woohoo. I think i am just about ready to get out of this library
oh yeah i renewed my temple reccomend so hopefully next week sometime we will go do baptisms i am excited! i haven't been in the longest time! woohoo YEAH TEMPLE! anyhow. good night

grumpy

i am grumpy so i am going to go the gym, take a bath, and then read my book. I don't want to go to a movie, i don't want to go swimming i don't want to sled or off road or go to comic frenzy i just want to exercise and read by myself. This is how i like to spend my weekends. i like relaxing i like staying in bed with a good book. I like watching movies in my pajamas. That doesn't make me lazy and it doesn't make me unhealthy i just like doing different things. blegrh

bleh

here i am at the libvrary waiting for my Russian clas sto start in 3 and a half hours mreh the balmy negative thirteen degree weather is the only thing keeping me from going home. I still can't handle this whole blogging in the library thing it weirds me out a little bit anyhow. Last night megan and i went to the Philosophical society, it was very interesting, the people seemed very pleasant. It is weird how much stuff i do involving school up here, in High School i wouldn't be caught dead at a school activity. mreh. So yesterday i ran into church date it was wierd, i am willing to give him a chance to redeem himself from his overwhelming awkwardness, we will see if i ever run into him again. ok i guess i should do something productive.

today was pretty much uneventful. I went to the activities meeting and it was good. Nick, stephanie's ex boyfriend, is now the coordinator over me it is nice to have a friend in there he is hilarious. ok i must sleep if i am going to get through an hour and half of grammar tomorrow

Language is like a beautiful nymph running through a primeaval forest

that is a direct quote from my grammar professor, ridiculous
I have been meaning to write for a long time and thus i wrote this during my break and am just now typing it up.

My first weekend of first semester has come and gone quite uneventfully on friday i hung out with dear mary fora while and then megan and i went and handed out flyers for activities at the dance. I kind of like doing that because i can just sit and watch people and it is fun to be able to meet new people and what not. On saturday i had a study group for doctrines of the gospel it was quite productive and informative. the two guys in my group are both return missionaries and two or three years older than me so they are quite knowledgeable that always makes the conversation more interesting. we were talking about knowledge and light it was spiffy.

Sunday was typical first fast and testimony meeting of the new semester. pretty uneventful. yesterday i had my first ed 200 class it is the first pre req for all of my education classes i think i am going to enjoy it we talked about wether or not we should be un-biased teachers it was interesting to me because it never even crossed my mind to teach with a bias our teacher stemmed the question what if students ask you personally what your beliefs are. In my mind i would never ever tell a student my beliefs i certainly would not deny them but i would not confirm them either. It is a good class thus far

Monday night was our ward FHE it was ok we did meet some pretty cool guys in our ward. I don't know how i feel about our new "brothers" they seem a bit sketchy in my opinion.
So last night after FHE tricia megan and I went and worked out and then stopped at an apartment to chat with some girls in our ward. We were sitting there talking and this guy came in named chris and i knew that i knew him from somewhere so we asked each other all sort s of questions to try and figure it out. It turns out that Fall semester of my freshman year my roommate me my roommate and some of our other friends randomly ended up playing ultimate frisbee with him and one of his friends. we ended up exchanging numbers but never saw or heard from each other again. WIERD! So i guess he is in my ward and he seems like a really nice guy we talked about books and music and what not i hope i can get to know him better.

I just got out of devotional President and Sister Clark spoke it was good but not as good as last semester

any how have a good night everyone

lallalla

ok pretty much the best first day of school ever.

this semester is going to be way tough though. i am taking this ridiculous grammar class and i started the reading during my break and it made me want to cry.

i am also taking spanish which will be very interesting, i am going to have to work really hard but i think i can do it.

i am also taking doctrines of the gospel which i am really excited for, we don't have a ton of people in our class and i was feeling pretty comfortable with the people around me so i am happy about that. not to mention my professor is so awesome!
I am excited to go to my russian culture class tomorrow, it should be very interesting i am praying that i don't actually have to KNOW russian to take the class but there weren't any prerequisites so i think i am good. anyhow


we al went and saw Stranger Than Fiction tonight, it was the best movie ever! i felt like such a nerd though because i was like the only one in the whole stinking theater that was laughing what lameoids

ok i guess i am going to go to sleep

bleh

today has been pretty stupid.
a lot of misplaced things and overdrawn bank accounts.

but cass finally woke up so i am a bit happier, i am going to the bank here in a bit so i can straighten things out and maybe buy some food and soap. I don't think i am ready to start up again tomorrow mreeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhh

back in the berg

rexburg that is.


i really do love it up here. But the first night is and always will be hard. especially since cass isn't back yet i am feeling a little lonely. And i just barely realized that it was 2:30 gosh it does NOT feel that late. anyhow i am back and safe all unpacked and de-cluttered i rearranged my room so it looks really nice now, i am very pleased. anyhow i guess i am going to go to bed now

new year?

i have always felt slightly indifferent to the new year it is kind of silly in my opinion.it is just a day why should i resolve to be a better person, shouldn't i be doing that everyday of the year? regardless (irregardless hahaha) i am making some resolutions my mom always brings out the old resolutions and we make new ones for the first family home evening of the year a tradition that is kind of fun in my opinion. anyhow here they are in no particular order

study my scriptures and pray more
attend the temple at least three times a month
lose some weight
get a 4.0
become financially independent
study hard
have fun
make new friends in sandy


i might add some more if i think about it. but i feel like these are good goals. james is applying to law school because he is a genius and got a killer LSAT score. what a guy. tomorrow i return to Rexburg it will be grand i am sure.

I am so vastly horrible at life. first off i probably offended someone (sorry eric i really am) second i had the most awkward evening of my life in which i was the fifth wheel to a bunch of people i DON"T EVEN KNOW. just bad. I just feel frustrated because i know i am not that shy quiet lame girl they think i am. arg!!
anyhow this made my evening a bit better thanks dia


awesome

Sleepless

It just isn't working this whole sleep thing. I am freaking out and it is all stupid boy related i so badly wish that i could just turn my brain off. i can't even write arg forget it

An Interesting NIght

odd indeed

Anne, Maddie and Brikaeli came over at around 10:30 (and are still sleeping in the basement) we talked and laughed etc. Then we proceeded to put our pajamas on and head to smiths at about 12:30 of course once we were in the check out line i saw Owen a young man who i was infatuated with in high school it was good to see him if not a little awkward we chatted about school and what not. In october he had called me and left a message on my phone telling me to call him and realizing that i was probably in idaho. I wasn't in fact which was weird but i called him and left a message but he never called me back, at our little encounter he told me he had wanted to invite me to some party but alas couldn't get ahold of me.
he is still cute and he is still not mormon

After talking to owen and the girls saying "he is cute" when he was still only an aisle over which of course the followed with "Catherine you are all pink!" great just great, we took our sandwiches chips and cream soda and drove to the park to eat them in maddie's car, this is where it gets funny, so there we were in our pajamas drinking cream soda and listening to the lion king sound track and some guy approaches the car my immediate reaction was to lock all of the doors and that is what we did, he gestured for us to roll the window down so we cracked it. and what did he say? "do you guys know where i can get some ganja" HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA and i said "we're mormons" and it was really funny because the lion king was playing in the background hahahhahahaha poor guy just wanted some weed and only found a bunch of mormon girls drinking cream soda ahahaha so funny


anyhow after that we drove around went up to "the spot" to look at the view then drove around some more. The night ended with all of us watching saved by the bell until we fell asleep it was a wonderful night

Lazy Lazy Lazy

i am a lazy child a very lazy child all i did was eat and sit and play with music all day long. This evening all of the siblings+significant others went out to dinner poor andrew and i the only ones alone except not because he has the elusive ms. jenny to maintain a relationship with. meh meh i am not going to think about the lack of an attractive male in my life i won't do it

ok maybe i will a little

Sometimes i worry about my future husband
what if he turns out to be gay 15 years down the line
what if he beats me
what if he has an affair
what if he doesn't love me after the first six months

silly i know but this is what i thought about during dinner

sometimes i feel like my worrying spins out of control that is when i can't sleep because my brain races until i want to scream
thankfully i experienced that more often last year than this

meh

this whole post is silly

The End of a good day

today was good really good. I got everything i wanted including a pair of spectacular brown heels and an external hard drive that i am attempting to fill with wonderful music. We spent the day opening presents talking with family eating good food and enjoying the general merriment that abounded. It was so nice to be with everyone and we found out about something wonderful that is happening to my sister but i am not aloud to talk about it for another month or so but i was so happy !!!! ah so good. tomorrow night mom and dad are going on their anniversary trip and briki anne and maddie are sleeping over it will be wonderful.

diana and i are watching conan o'brien and we just finished chicken avocado sandwiches Delicious! what a nice end to a nice day

merry christmas everyone you are all neat!!

merry christmas

the past couple of days have been weird. I have felt oddly depressed. i have spent a lot of time with brikaeli it has been so nice she makes me feel a lot better. On thursday night at 3 :30 in the morning Brik and i were driving around. We happened by Ziv's house and lo and behold there he was it shocked me i guess i just didn't expect to see him it makes me mad that i still get thrown into any sort of emotion when i see him.

tonight was good we did all of our traditions (i am to lazy to make a link but it you look in december of last year there is a post about them there) and everyone was here so we had a good time. andrew and i are having a sleep over in the basement like the old days tomorrow should be fun even though it will just be the three little kids.

Thinking about next year makes me sad Joe and liz will be somewhere weird for grad school james will be in law school somewhere in the east i assume and andrew will be on his mission. i hate this feeling like we are all busting apart


merry christmas everyone i hope you all have spectacular days

just chillin

Today has been good. I woke up around 10:30 read my book watched some arrested develoment by the way i think I am in Love and then diana andrew and i went to lunch at applebees then came down to the U to chill with my good sis Liz and now here we are watching Indiana Jones harrison Ford is such a hottie well i am out

Ok i lied last time but i am being serious now

What stereotype do you belong to? Your Result: No stereotype   not preppy yet not a complete loser. has good friends and doesn't revolve life around their looks or social status. All around good person. usually liked by everyone
Loner
geek/nerd
Emo
Punk
Gamer
Jock
Preppy
What stereotype do you belong to?

ok one more

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Dedicated Reader   You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more.
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Literate Good Citizen
Book Snob
Non-Reader
Fad Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

Stolen

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West   Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
The South
North Central
The Inland North
Boston
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract geeks!   Your stunning intellect and love of sci-fi and video games allures the geeks like nothing else. Maybe it is the sparkle in your eye that makes them want to text you, who knows. Geeks make good partners, but tend to be arguementative. If you are a TRUE geek magnet, you will know if that was spelled correctly, and actually care. If it is a bad-boy/bad-girl you are seeking, you are barking up the wrong tree, unless they are just 'bad' behind a PS2 console.
You attract Yuppies!
You attract artsy people!
You attract unstable people!
You attract rednecks!
You attract models!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Day 2

i love vacation i really do two nights ago i got 11 hours of sleep it was blissful. today i went shopping with my mom for about four hours and i wanted to die. but then i got home and ate and slept then hung out with good old spencer and briki and it was spectacular now i am just chillin at home by myself and it is so nice i can't remember the last time i was alone like this it is very pleasant i love being a lone sometimes ahhhh

any how i hung out with david a bit today and that was nice we had a good conversation i have missed him so much alright i am out

I Conquer All

Guess who got an A in the hardest English 111 class ever? thats right yours truly. When i told him i deserved a B Brother Grant said "catherine you need to start seeing yourself as an A student because you are an A student" it made me happy. I feel so good right now and i know it is just going to get better!

To do:
White Glove my room
Study for BOM
Take BOM

GO HOME FOR FREAKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't begin to describe my excitement

Finals are eating my brain

I am taking a break this afternoon. I should be cleaning or working on my personal history or something like that but i am not going to until 4 o clock i am taking a break. last night was very productive, i am more than half way finished with my personal history. I should finish the agony and the ecstasy that is taking a break kind of. ok i am off to those races

La lala the end is near

I am sure you are sick of my lists that is to darn bad!

To do:
White GLove Clean Check of Death
Finish and Compile personal history
prepare for meeting with brother grant
study for Book of Mormon
Take Book of Mormon Test
EXPLODE



bwhahah my list is getting shorter

oh goodness me

Accomplished:
*response for my brother sam is dead
*response for emmett till
*cleaned room
*mental break down
*worked out 40 min
*studied first half of photo

To do:
*study last half of photo
*Young Adult Lit Final
* ten note cards on ten books
*rejoice because there are only five more days

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.


Thats right my friends MILES to go MILES.

but hey by tomorrow at 12:15 i will be almost half done with finals WOOHOO!
sorry about my slacking anyhow. I don;t know how i feel about this beta blogger all i know is i couldn't comment on anyone's blog and i was getting pissed

Clarity

As the week progressed it became more clear to me my misinterpretation of clint and I's relationship. i suppose the situation or rather my reaction to it may seem a bit petty to the people reading this, but one thing that i would like to make clear is that the actions or lack there of hurt my feelings quite badly.

Essentially what happened was that i had gotten something for clint for his mission, i was excited to give it to him. As this past week progressed i caught wind of a present that clint was making fro cassidy, he had assembled a book and went around and had all of her friends write notes to her. I thought this was very nice and although it did irk me a little bit I didn't think to much of it. It was not until thursday night that i realized that clint had no plans to do anything of the sort for me. That night he gave it to her she cried and i stewed. Tricia had long since realized what was happening and she told me she was sorry. On friday i gave clint my present and a card that i had made for him. as we ran around k mart that night i eyed some moccasins and he asked me if i wanted him to get me them for christmas. I think more than anything that made me the most sad. It was good to realize that he had put so much thought into that. it was nice to know that he wanted do something "special" for me. I told him no and attempted to put it all out of my mind. that night tricia and i had a sleep over and a cried for a large portion of it.

This semester i have considered clint one of my close friends, we have had some lengthy talks over the phone and wandering around rexburg. I know for a fact that he had told things to me that he hadn't even told Landin. The least i expected from him at his departure was a note saying goodbye and thanks for hanging out with him every day this semester or maybe for introducing him to all my friends and roommates i don't know.

I know shouldn't do that i shouldn't expect things from people but after he gave that book to cassidy who he has hung out with about half as much as he had with me i was expecting something and honestly don't think there is anything wrong with that.

I just feel so injured and so tromped on. It seems clear to me how much he valued my friendship and how much effort he put into this relationship. It just makes me feel so sad and used i am tired of putting so much into relationships and getting nothing back

It happened with preston with david, jacob and with countless other boys and i have just got to stop. I am done breaking down walls




A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

tomorrow i say good bye to clint for two years, he gets set apart on sunday and goes into the mtc i am sad but to overwhelmed to be preoccupied with it the 19th can't come soon enough

A Weekend at the Library

and a quite productive one at that. Thursday night i kind of freaked out, so friday i decided the only way to reduce my stress was to actually do some work. So that is what i did and i am feeling a lot better things should run pretty smoothly from here on out at least that is what i am hoping for. well i am off for a well deserved break i am going to watch trekkies in my bed and it will be fantastic

i am sitting here at megan's focus group for recycling i was the note taker i am so special. It was actually pretty effective i thing and it was hilarious bwhahah next i am off to do some work on my photo final and that will be spectacular i can't believe it is thursday already

i am sitting here at megan's focus group for recycling i was the note taker i am so special. It was actually pretty effective i thing and it was hilarious bwhahah next i am off to do some work on my photo final and that will be spectacular i can't believe it is thursday already

no Internet at my apartment complex and pre finals stress is making me extraordinarily cranky will post more later

awwww

well here is my weekend coming to a close and frankly i have no desire to go back to idaho
i just have three more weeks and i will be back home. and clint will be on his mission bleh
i drive back with tricia tomorrow we are leaving at about 7:30 and we will hopefully avoid the storm that is supposed to come through
bleh bleh bleh bleh

i guess i should do some homework now

Rivalry

There is an intense rivalry between Brigham Young University in provo and the University of Utah in salt lake city today is the day of the big game so i am here at my aunt's house rooting for BYU my family is a little crazy about it our roots at BYU run deep grand parents on both sides have taught there and my aunt currently teaches there so we are all excited theta the score is 14-0 hahahhaha suckers

just kidding i don't really care ALL that much but it is nice to see them winning

I don't know about you guys but i had a fantastic thanksgiving tonight as per tradition we will be going to see the lights on temple square with a million people in tow


and here is yet another Personal history entry only 22 more to go

The Cabin

My Mother’s parents jointly owned a cabin in Provo Canyon right above Sundance. This cabin is forever anchored in my memory as a place where my family could go to get some relief from the world. Built in the 70’s the cabin was decorated accordingly. With a bright orange door, green plaid curtains and dark purple carpet in the upstairs bedrooms, this place was not exactly one of beauty. My family would go to the cabin mainly during the fall and occasionally in the summer. It always smelled so fresh up there like dead leaves and dirt, the sweet pungent smell of fallen aspen leaves. Once there we would unpack and make a dinner that was normally consumed on the deck in white lawn chairs. On one such occasion After cleaning up, the boys would build a fire and we would contentedly play spoons or read a book. In our older years these trips to the cabin became far more enjoyable and spoons morphed into “pee spoons” in which whoever lost had to drink a large glass of the ice cold tap water that tasted fresh and clean, whoever had to use the bathroom first lost. No matter what sometime during the course of the weekend all the children would gather in the upstairs bedroom and participate in a rousing game of Truth or Dare. Many fond memories have come from these hours spent in a semi cold bedroom filled with Bates children. I remember on a particularly rowdy day we held a “sibling mosh”, we all jumped on to the queen sized pink bed and bounced around until we heard a crack and we plummeted to the floor. As we assessed the situation it was decided that the only solution was to go down stairs get some firewood and prop the bed back up. When we crept back upstairs with firewood under our shirts our parents laughed and said “looks like the kids are playing truth or dare again”. My unsuspecting parents didn’t realize that we had broken the bed until a few years later when we cleaned out the cabin right before selling it. In the mornings we would have hot chocolate in tea cups and ricotta cheese pancakes. After packing and vacuuming the living room we would take a rock. Over some hills and the slightly amusing speed bumps we would continue on to the river. On a soft bed of needles we would make our way closer noting the depth and speed of the river always changing from year to year, always finding large rocks to drop into the rushing water with a loud plop! We would travel up a ways and as the years passed we experienced disappointment and then anger at the people who built massive “cabins” lining this beautiful part of not only our childhood but my mother’s as well. Before leaving the river we would always toss sticks in and run to the other side of the road to see whos “won” in the racing waters.
In the spring of 2001 both of my Grandparents passed away unexpectedly. Because of its location the cabin was worth quite a sum of money and we didn’t have the assets to purchase the other half of the cabin from the couple that owned it with my grandparents. We had to sell The Cabin. That winter we took out last trip up to the cabin, there was about a foot of snow on the ground and the smell of leaves although there was diluted. That last trip was just as enjoyable as all of the other ones perhaps even more so. As I reflect back on my memories of the cabin I can only think of happy ones. This was a place for my family immediate and extended to gather together and revel in each other’s company.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am feeling pretty good about my vacation thus far. mary seems to be enjoying herself and that makes me happy. We will be going to my aunts in about an hour to stuff ourselves and then sleep in the mean time here is another entry for my personal history

“And I shall have some peace there for peace comes dropping slow”


My first semester of college was quite stressful. Prior to college I had lived in the same house my entire life, I had never gone to another ward or had a different address or phone number. I was quite content in my little rut. As I experienced all the new faces and places of Rexburg Idaho I longed for some remnant of home. As a searched for some feeling of comfort I stumbled upon a relatively overlooked resource on campus, the Taylor Chapel. I don’t remember the first time I experienced the warmth and comfort I feel every time I enter but I do know that I am now addicted. Every week I try and spend at least two hours in this wonderful place. Without these private hours I think I would be a wreck. I go there to unwind, to read my scriptures and to feel the spirit. When I am aggravated that is the first place I think to go, if I am in need of comfort, if I have a problem this is my solace, the place I feel so close to my Heavenly Father.
Many times I have gone to this place feeling like I just couldn’t handle life anymore the stress and the sadness overwhelming me. When I would sit and ponder or on occasion the moment I would walk in the door I would experience a giant feeling of relief overcome me. As I would sit and cry or think or pray this feeling would remain to comfort and uplift me. The Taylor Chapel is an extremely important aspect of my life at BYU-Idaho. Without it my experiences up here would be completely different and a lot more miserable. I am so thankful for the opportunity to use this wonderful building in such a way. I know that through this holy place I can receive the wisdom, comfort, and guidance I need to make it through college successfully and sanely

finally

I am finally home woohoo! and i have pictures from last weekend double woohoo!

last night was fun Cass Clint Landin and I went to the park and just played it was so much fun those guys are neat! ok here are those pictures
Me, Tricia, and, Megan

A Complicated Tale

So for my english class we have to write a "personal history" which is a little lame in my opinion because i have been writing in this lovely blog for a while now and before that another one and before that Journals but whatever. ANYHOW we have to write about 15 experiences at BYU-Idaho and ten from before college. I Just completed my first one. So here it is.


A Complicated Tale


The second day I was in Rexburg Idaho in the fall of 2005 there was a dance. Before I came to Rexburg I was determined not to attend this reminiscent of high school that I was sure I would loathe. As the dance approached my two friends managed to convince me that it would be a good idea to attend. When the time came to leave my roommate Alli, my cousin Monica and I walked from Chapman Hall up to the playing fields. As we approached the entrance Alli and I realized that we had left the five dollars required to enter at our dorm. Monica kindly offered to pay for me but alas did not have enough for my dear roommate. I quickly thought up a solution. As we walked I became increasingly aware of the three young men behind us, so as we waited I turned around and said “which of you fine men would pay for this lovely young lady to enter the dance?” A young man by the name of Andrew Mitchell volunteered and proceeded to ask her to dance during the course of this event. After the dance he pursued, asked her for our number and by Saturday we all had plans to hang out that night.
As we entered Biddulph Hall lounge my first thoughts were get me the crap out of here. We proceeded to the second floor lounge where we started watching a movie. All of a sudden a young man strolled in the room plopped himself in between us and put his arms around us. I personally was revolted by this and quickly got out of the situation. Alli on the other hand ate it up, and soon they were playing ping pong downstairs. As I sat with these new boys I came to know that they were Scott Bauer, Chris Janikowski, and Dakota Lens, people who I would grow to know and love in the next two semesters. As Andrew fretted over Alli playing ping pong with this new visitor I admonished him to fight for her, and put forth a little more effort. So we all decided to go downstairs, we sat on the couches and commenced talking. Alli and the mystery boy soon joined us and he introduced himself as Jacob Mathew Wood from Winnipeg Canada. I don’t know how or when but he began speaking to me quite candidly about everything under the sun. At one point in the conversation Jacob related something sketchy to me, I can’t remember what, but in response I bopped him on the head with my empty water bottle. This simple act would remain in Jacob’s mind the seemingly defining moment of our first meeting and refused to leave this small detail out to anyone who asked how we met. As midnight approached I did something fiercely out of character: I gave him my telephone number, told him I wanted to be friends, and then left.
Sunday he called, we talked and ended up walking around campus until curfew. Through the course of our conversation we discovered that we both had Sister Heidi Eastman for math 108 at 8:00 in the morning Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Right before he left Jacob said “I will come pick you up tomorrow” and then the phrase I grew to know and love “I’ll phone you later soul sister.” The next day Jacob was outside my door at ten to eight as we had planned, as we walked I remember thinking how I felt like I had known this boy for years. Later in the semester as we studied math in Sister Eastman’s office she asked us how long we had known each other, I detected some surprise when we explained we had only met briefly before classes began that semester.
Throughout the semester Jacob and I became increasingly close although our relationship was completely platonic I feel I was closer to him than I was to the boy I had dated for the six months prior. Jacob was my strength during that first semester. I was struggling with a lot of things and he lifted me up. He was the one who told me I was beautiful and to not pay attention to all those other girls. When I was with Jacob I felt special, we talked about religion, relationships, music, our families, friends, and school.
As winter semester came and went we drifted slightly but he was always there when I needed him. The week before the last time I saw Jacob we argued. He had hurt my feelings in some trivial way, and the boy would not drop it. “We need to talk about it, if we talk it will make things better, you can’t just hold everything in all the time Catherine, it isn’t healthy.” Jacob was never one for dropping things. If there was one thing the boy was, it was persistent. As we hashed out what was bothering me we wandered over to the library minutes before it closed. Once inside we decided to see how long we could hide there. We snuck into the pitch-dark quiet study room in the back of the periodicals section, crawled under some desks and continued our conversation. As the lights outside the room dimmed we gave up and started back towards Chapman Hall. In my journal I wrote about how I felt that night as he dropped me off “as he walked me back to my dorm he asked if I would write to him on his mission and I said of course. he held me so close tonight as he hugged me good bye and wouldn't let me go for a while and all this is how I know that Jacob cares about me. When I walked through the gate I heard him sing "Back pocket tape recorder!' and as I walked up the steps I started to cry I am going to miss that boy so very much he is so very important to me.” That night I knew how much Jacob cared about me and that was a very important moment in my first year at college. This year without him has seemed incredibly odd, his absence has definitely been something I have had to work through. I am so thankful I could meet this wonderful caring intelligent humorous young man.

Untitled

Sorry for the repeating post down yonder, and tr it took me, no joke, about an hour to figure out why you wrote "groundhog's day" in the comments HA!

so tricia last week convinced megan and I to sign up for a snowshoeing trip this weekend. So friday at 4 we left rexburg and headed to the tetons. I was pretty excited about this trip because on wednesday i found out my favorite professor from last year was chaperoning this little adventure woohoo. So we get up to this cabin and we play some "leadership games" you know the sort "cross the icy snake river with only two blocks of carpet sample to assist you" that kind of thing. Afterwards we ate dinner and then played spoons and other card games. I read my book for a while and then we went to sleep. This morning we got up and ate breakfast then set out on our hike, we didn't snow shoe because it wasn't deep enough so we just hiked around and did some sledding and what not. After that we headed back to rexburg and i feel so rested now, it was such a good experience, i just love tricia and megan so much they are so good to me. I don''t have pictures yet but here are the pictures from Mesa Falls



here we are by the beautiful mesa falls


whoever said idaho wasn't pretty is insane


ditto

I dreamt i reset my alarm clock for 10 this morning i woke up half way through my aerobics class at 9:40 and realized it wasn't a dream. I got up and hung out with cass, slept a little more and revised my Books to Read list it includes:

The Big Rock Candy Mountain-Wallace Stegner
The Belljar- Sylvia Plath
Farewell To Arms-Ernest Hemingway
Mrs. Dalloway-Virginia Woolf
On the Road- Jack Kerouac
A Sense of the World- Jason Roberts
Banvard’s Folly-Paul Collins
East of Eden-John Steinbeck
The Poisonwood Bible-Barbara Kingsolver
Catch-22-Joseph Heller
The Fountainhead-Ayn Rand
Atlas Shrugged-Ayn Rand
The Name of the Rose- Umberto Echo
A Brave New World-Aldous Huxley
Beloved- Toni Hillerman

Tell me what am I missing? That is my plan for this summer to read all of these books and some more. I feel crumby today maybe it is just cause cass is really sad or cause the weather sucks butt i don't know i am just sad.

This afternoon i read this wonderful blog there are few blogs that i actually go into the archives and read the entire thing but this was one of them and it was a pleasant experience i suggest you check it out well i am off

I dreamt i reset my alarm clock for 10 this morning i woke up half way through my aerobics class at 9:40 and realized it wasn't a dream. I got up and hung out with cass, slept a little more and revised my Books to Read list it includes:

The Big Rock Candy Mountain-Wallace Stegner
The Belljar- Sylvia Plath
Farewell To Arms-Ernest Hemingway
Mrs. Dalloway-Virginia Woolf
On the Road- Jack Kerouac
A Sense of the World- Jason Roberts
Banvard’s Folly-Paul Collins
East of Eden-John Steinbeck
The Poisonwood Bible-Barbara Kingsolver
Catch-22-Joseph Heller
The Fountainhead-Ayn Rand
Atlas Shrugged-Ayn Rand
The Name of the Rose- Umberto Echo
A Brave New World-Aldous Huxley
Beloved- Toni Hillerman

Tell me what am I missing? That is my plan for this summer to read all of these books and some more. I feel crumby today maybe it is just cause cass is really sad or cause the weather sucks butt i don't know i am just sad.

This afternoon i read this wonderful blog there are few blogs that i actually go into the archives and read the entire thing but this was one of them and it was a pleasant experience i suggest you check it out well i am off

a wonderful weekend

so cass' friend dane was here this weekend he is really awesome i like him a lot i wish he lived here but alas he is not even Mormon but oh well. On friday we went to dinner and then i went and watched Take the Lead at my friend Neva's house and that was pretty good after that i went and just chilled with everyone and we watched the office some. Saturday was so awesome during the day we just hung out and last night we went to the sand dunes, made a fire played games and roasted marshmallows hot dogs and starbursts. after we came home and just watched a movie and chilled. It was kind of weird i was being kind of flirty with dane this weekend just cause he is fun to mess around with and i think it bugged clint anyhow. Today was Stake Conference so we just had two hours of church this morning then in the afternoon Cass, Tyleen, Katie, Daniel and I went to mesa falls and walked around it was so pretty all covered in snow and what not



it was way fun. On our way back down the mountain we went and walked through this old train tunnel it was pimp i think daniel was annoyed though he intimidates me really bad mostly because he never laughs at me when i crack jokes. This evening clint landin cass melissa and i went to melissa's man J.w.'s house and watched A Christmas Story which was hilarious. after that we came back to our apartment and played cards and drank orange Julius's

clint was being weird extra touchy and what not i went with it but i shouldn't i need to detach myself or december is going to suck really badly i would rather deal with it now then later maybe i can find someone new i am going to miss him so much. alright i am out

sure sure

Dia sent me this hilarious link check it out it is a gem today has been good i went to class etc and then cassidy and I went to the public library it was very pleasant. Cass' friend Dane is coming down for the weekend i am excited to meet him she talks about him quite a bit so that will be fun. I am excited because on saturday we are going to the sand dunes for a bonfire and tonight we are off to the PLANETARIUM WOOHOO so this weekend will be wonderful i am sure of it.

Last night Clint, Landin, and I went to Cassidy's Dodgeball game. It is so hilarious to see how competitive these boys get over something so ridiculous. Last night seemed especially bad there was much trash talking etc and it ended with two guys not being able to play anymore. So ridiculous if you ask me. well i am off to the races

class cancelled=lazy day

so my english class was cancelled today, i went to aerobics at nine and now i am just chilling this morning i listened to Ziv's radio show at the U of U it was ridiculous it reminded me of high school a lot all of his stupid friends and him talking about vulgar things i almost called in and said something but i decided that would be disastrous its so weird to listen to him meh.

well i guess i will take a shower or something

bad blogger 2

i have been awful i know but i am determined I Will NOT let this blog die!!!!!!!!!!!! the past week has been really good especially in all things concerning Clint. we have hung out a ton lately more than usual i am so glad he is my friend today Elder Oaks talked in devotional today it was an amazing talk it made me feel good and made me want to improve. It was one of those things that you feel like it was just for you he addressed concerns that i had voiced a day prior so wonderful! School has been wonderful and yesterday Clint, Landin and I went to music outlet for the first time this semester it was pretty good i think Clint liked it a lot more than Landin did though. Clint also expressed some interest in seeing some bands play on Saturday so maybe we will do that. So i had this photo project where we had to do black and white pictures and post them on a blog, since i have no desire for my classmates to see this blog i sent them here tell me what you think i know it isn't the best but i like them and now i will bid you all farewell

Wednesday=blah

today has been descent had aerobics and english and did a lot of chilling now i am watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure a classic a wonderful classic with cass landin and clint i feel kind of crummy this evening a little sad i don't know what is up but meh alright i am out

Best Day Ever

So basically my weekend was amazing it was so nice to just stay home with my parents and just hang out on saturday andrew went to a halloween dance at the high school and afterward at like one brikaeli came over to chat with me when ended up staying up till like five in the morning talking and driving around it was exactly what i needed. On sunday preston's little brother spencer was visiting from college so i got to just sit and talk with him and Briki instead of going to sunday school it was wonderful he said he is thinking about visiting rexburg soon and that is exciting for me. Sunday afternoon the whole fam came over for dinner it was awesome i love my family so much we talked about the cruise to Alaska we are taking in june it will be absolutely fantastic.

today has been so good i went to aerobics and my english class was cancelled today so i have been hanging out with tricia and working on my paper (which is almost finished) all day it has been so pleasant the perfect day after such a good weekend i hope everyone is well !!

ah home

i apologize for my lack of posting this week the last couple of weeks have been crazy at school with midterms and what not and of course because of the stress i have a cold but luckily i am home so my mommy can take care of me. Today my sister got her Vegas Nerve Stimulator she is out of surgery and doing well i am excited for her if it works she will be able to have a baby soon ish and she really wants that. My sister is one of the bravest and strongest people i know she has struggled with health problems for so long and it seems like she is finally getting a break i am so happy for her.

I plan on doing a lot of sleeping and homework this weekend it will be grand.

last night was so much fun we watched Nacho Libre (which wasn't spectacular) and then had a tickle/pillow fight it was so much fun I am glad Landin is going to be here next semester i don't know if i could deal with both he and Clint leaving it would make me so sad.

i hope everyone has a good weekend

lovely

so yesterday Cassidy, Vanessa, Landin, and I went to Reed's Dairy then we went shopping and then to dinner it was quite enjoyable. after that we watched The Office into the wee hours of the morning it was wonderful.

so interesting situation we have got here. quite juvenile but interesting let me explain Vanessa likes Landin, Landin likes cassidy cassidy of course loves nick who is on a mission. I like clint clint likes who the crap knows and Jane also likes clint. Having only two guy friends can be problematic at times and funny very very funny

it scares me how much i miss clint this weekend it is just weird without him mreh

Bored out of my mind

this afternoon has been SLOW i took a nap ate some lunch and watched tv and i am about ready to scream i am so bored i can't even call clint to see if he wants to hang out because he has gone on a hunting trip until tuesday bleh that is all i have to say today has been marginally good last night was super fun Cass, Vanessa, and I stayed up talking till around two which was fun it reminded me of last year. I probably should have gone and worked out this afternoon but cassidy said she wanted to come with me tonight so meh. deedle doo ok i guess i will go be productive or something

ah yes

tonight was so great i went to this amazing poetry workshop (we wrote haikus ) then i studied a bit found out that i got a B on my Golding assignment (pretty happy about that ) chilled in taylor chapel a while which is my favorite thing ever and then i got to hang out with clint. I am starting to develop some major feelings towards this kid. plus he hasn't shaved in a few days and frankly that is pretty hot.
i don;t know what is up with me this semester i am boy CRAZY it ridiculous anyhow tonight was way fun and i hope everyone is doing great

bleh?????????????????

Last night was amazingly fun. I went to the ward party and got asked to dance by a certain FHE brother who happens to be very attractive afterwards Clint and I went on a walk very pleasant indeed!! WOOOHOO that is all i have to say today when i woke up it was 23 stinking degrees outside!! isn't that ridiculous ok i am off to read Thinking as a Hobby for the thousandth time (not exaggerating here i promise)

oops

so i am supposed to be in photo right now but i couldn't will myself to go i feel slightly justified because i haven't missed a single class this semester and i just need some time today.

So saturday night all of us went to see Step Up at the dollar theaters and i was really jittery before hand so clint and I went on a walk and ew just talked about stuff that was bugging him and stiff that was bugging me it was so nice to do that to be able to talk to someone that way. On Sunday night at around 11 we met up and wandered around some more I had just finished having an argument of sorts with megan dear and i was pretty worked up so he let me vent and we talked about him going into the army and why he wanted to and all sorts of things. some times i can't help think how absurdly similar to david he is. maybe that is why i like him so much. So last night i was a little depressed and homesick and everyone was bugging me and he kept asking me what was wrong and i just kind of shrugged him off. after a little bit of hanging out with tricia and megan i felt a lot better so i went and hung out with them all and he was being weird and quiet. So i was talking to him and he said lets go on a walk and so we did and we talked about everything and then we JUMPED IN A GIANT PUDDLE it was so much fun! we took our shoes and socks off because he didn't want to get his shoes wet and it was freezing cold but so much fun I really wish he wasn't going on his mission so soon i am going to miss him so much oh well anyhow there is my clint saga thus far. I care about that boy a lot and i wish that there was time enough to pursue this more.

I am excited tonight is the ward party we are dressing up as the spice girls I am going to be baby spice woot!!

a Semester (well about half of it) in Pictures

Tricia and I at the spirit relay

Tricia and I paint balling

Clint and Landin paint balling (Clint with the bandana Landin with the curly hair)

A Semester (well about half of it) in Pictures

Chocolate Frosting Fight with tricia

After frolicking in the rain

All of us paint balling

A Semester (well about half of it) in Pictures

The GYM!!!

A Demolition Derby of sorts

A Stolen Couch (part of the pranking)

A Saturday of Paintballing

Thats right i am going paint balling in about an hour it will be grand. That is one really good thing about being friends with trcia is that we do some odd things that turn out to be awesome. So i have been hanging out with clint a ton lately actually ever since i saw him in the library that first week we have hung out pretty much every day. Clint is such a nice guy but he is weird. Last semester he was really uptight he would come to my apartment and we would be in the living room and he would talk to me but i kinda had to be put in wall breaking mode. I consider myself pretty good at getting people to open up to me and clint was no exception, last semester i had a minor infatuation with him and the past few weeks that has started up again. But he is confusing he does things that make me think maybe he likes me but they are so simple that i can't help but have some doubts. So two nights ago he was acting extra touchy and what not so after he left i got some counsel from my roommates who are gorgeous and could have any guy they want. it was fun to talk to them about it because sometimes i think that tricia and megan think i am silly when i talk to them about boys and that is ok i would rather us have more then just that to talk about. Anyhow so last night he was being weird like not really talking to me, wouldn't sit next to me on the couch etc. it is just really frustrating i feel like i did when david and whitney started dating. like i had made all this effort to get to know someone to help them be genuine around me and instead of strengthening our relationship it just gave him opportunities to become better friends with everyone else except me. I know that is selfish i know i shouldn't think like that i am happy that clint gets along so well with everyone else but i don;t know i just wish he would decide if he wanted something or not with this.

men bleh

so i went to a personal trainer on wednesday and next week i will be starting a program that involves weights three times a week and cardio five times a week it will be hard but i really want to lose some weight. I get to go home in two weeks and i am excited i think the fam is going to have a sci fi saturday. a couple of years ago we had a sci fi saturday we ate pizza and watched Dune and The Fifth Element. Later we had a Spy Movie Saturday and the an Alternate Reality Saturday basically it is just an excuse to eat pizza and watch movies as a family and it is so much fun. i love my family oh yes i do indeed ok i am going to go eat breakfast or something

It's Been a Year

i almost just went to bed but then i remembered it has been a year today that i have had this blog so thanks to the few readers out there i appreciate your comments and what not it has been everything i hoped for ;) have a nice evening everyone and a productive wednesday

Thoughts While On the Treadmill:

Jeff Gordon looks like a turtle.

I am an awful blogger

I have been slacking big time partially because i have been really really horrifically grumpy the past four days but i am feeling better.

my date was way awesome it was probably the coolest date i have been on but i just don't like him that way i have decided which stinks cause he is really nice but it just isn't there i am just not feeling it and that is fine right? this whole thing has made me not want to date i just get worked up about it i just get nervous and stupid and grumpy so i am just not going to deal with this anymore. English was really good today we all had to make up songs and sing them in front of the class i kind of chickened out and wrote a rap instead but i got some laughs so that was nice

the past couple of days i have been missing jacob a lot i see guys around and i think i am sure they are cool but they aren't as awesome as jacob i know i shouldn't do that its not very fair but i just miss him i want a replacement jacob i miss his friendship a lot but so it goes i guess

i feel like sleeping for a long time

alright i am off to read Tuesdays With Morrie

More than a little awkward

sitting in thelibrary writing this but oh well i guess beggars can't be choosers and since my lovely apartment complex's internet is being sketchy that is what i am.

so quick update
i got an email from dakota he is in germany and loving it!!

I am going on a date with tyler tomorrow at noon i am excited/nervous

the first meeting of book club was last night and nobody showed up that was depressing but then we went adn saw The Gaurdian and it was really good so that made last night semi crappy but not completely ok i am getting really uncomfortable now so i am out hopefully the internet will be back soon and i can continue my blogging ways