bad blogger 2

i have been awful i know but i am determined I Will NOT let this blog die!!!!!!!!!!!! the past week has been really good especially in all things concerning Clint. we have hung out a ton lately more than usual i am so glad he is my friend today Elder Oaks talked in devotional today it was an amazing talk it made me feel good and made me want to improve. It was one of those things that you feel like it was just for you he addressed concerns that i had voiced a day prior so wonderful! School has been wonderful and yesterday Clint, Landin and I went to music outlet for the first time this semester it was pretty good i think Clint liked it a lot more than Landin did though. Clint also expressed some interest in seeing some bands play on Saturday so maybe we will do that. So i had this photo project where we had to do black and white pictures and post them on a blog, since i have no desire for my classmates to see this blog i sent them here tell me what you think i know it isn't the best but i like them and now i will bid you all farewell

Wednesday=blah

today has been descent had aerobics and english and did a lot of chilling now i am watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure a classic a wonderful classic with cass landin and clint i feel kind of crummy this evening a little sad i don't know what is up but meh alright i am out

Best Day Ever

So basically my weekend was amazing it was so nice to just stay home with my parents and just hang out on saturday andrew went to a halloween dance at the high school and afterward at like one brikaeli came over to chat with me when ended up staying up till like five in the morning talking and driving around it was exactly what i needed. On sunday preston's little brother spencer was visiting from college so i got to just sit and talk with him and Briki instead of going to sunday school it was wonderful he said he is thinking about visiting rexburg soon and that is exciting for me. Sunday afternoon the whole fam came over for dinner it was awesome i love my family so much we talked about the cruise to Alaska we are taking in june it will be absolutely fantastic.

today has been so good i went to aerobics and my english class was cancelled today so i have been hanging out with tricia and working on my paper (which is almost finished) all day it has been so pleasant the perfect day after such a good weekend i hope everyone is well !!

ah home

i apologize for my lack of posting this week the last couple of weeks have been crazy at school with midterms and what not and of course because of the stress i have a cold but luckily i am home so my mommy can take care of me. Today my sister got her Vegas Nerve Stimulator she is out of surgery and doing well i am excited for her if it works she will be able to have a baby soon ish and she really wants that. My sister is one of the bravest and strongest people i know she has struggled with health problems for so long and it seems like she is finally getting a break i am so happy for her.

I plan on doing a lot of sleeping and homework this weekend it will be grand.

last night was so much fun we watched Nacho Libre (which wasn't spectacular) and then had a tickle/pillow fight it was so much fun I am glad Landin is going to be here next semester i don't know if i could deal with both he and Clint leaving it would make me so sad.

i hope everyone has a good weekend

lovely

so yesterday Cassidy, Vanessa, Landin, and I went to Reed's Dairy then we went shopping and then to dinner it was quite enjoyable. after that we watched The Office into the wee hours of the morning it was wonderful.

so interesting situation we have got here. quite juvenile but interesting let me explain Vanessa likes Landin, Landin likes cassidy cassidy of course loves nick who is on a mission. I like clint clint likes who the crap knows and Jane also likes clint. Having only two guy friends can be problematic at times and funny very very funny

it scares me how much i miss clint this weekend it is just weird without him mreh

Bored out of my mind

this afternoon has been SLOW i took a nap ate some lunch and watched tv and i am about ready to scream i am so bored i can't even call clint to see if he wants to hang out because he has gone on a hunting trip until tuesday bleh that is all i have to say today has been marginally good last night was super fun Cass, Vanessa, and I stayed up talking till around two which was fun it reminded me of last year. I probably should have gone and worked out this afternoon but cassidy said she wanted to come with me tonight so meh. deedle doo ok i guess i will go be productive or something

ah yes

tonight was so great i went to this amazing poetry workshop (we wrote haikus ) then i studied a bit found out that i got a B on my Golding assignment (pretty happy about that ) chilled in taylor chapel a while which is my favorite thing ever and then i got to hang out with clint. I am starting to develop some major feelings towards this kid. plus he hasn't shaved in a few days and frankly that is pretty hot.
i don;t know what is up with me this semester i am boy CRAZY it ridiculous anyhow tonight was way fun and i hope everyone is doing great

bleh?????????????????

Last night was amazingly fun. I went to the ward party and got asked to dance by a certain FHE brother who happens to be very attractive afterwards Clint and I went on a walk very pleasant indeed!! WOOOHOO that is all i have to say today when i woke up it was 23 stinking degrees outside!! isn't that ridiculous ok i am off to read Thinking as a Hobby for the thousandth time (not exaggerating here i promise)

oops

so i am supposed to be in photo right now but i couldn't will myself to go i feel slightly justified because i haven't missed a single class this semester and i just need some time today.

So saturday night all of us went to see Step Up at the dollar theaters and i was really jittery before hand so clint and I went on a walk and ew just talked about stuff that was bugging him and stiff that was bugging me it was so nice to do that to be able to talk to someone that way. On Sunday night at around 11 we met up and wandered around some more I had just finished having an argument of sorts with megan dear and i was pretty worked up so he let me vent and we talked about him going into the army and why he wanted to and all sorts of things. some times i can't help think how absurdly similar to david he is. maybe that is why i like him so much. So last night i was a little depressed and homesick and everyone was bugging me and he kept asking me what was wrong and i just kind of shrugged him off. after a little bit of hanging out with tricia and megan i felt a lot better so i went and hung out with them all and he was being weird and quiet. So i was talking to him and he said lets go on a walk and so we did and we talked about everything and then we JUMPED IN A GIANT PUDDLE it was so much fun! we took our shoes and socks off because he didn't want to get his shoes wet and it was freezing cold but so much fun I really wish he wasn't going on his mission so soon i am going to miss him so much oh well anyhow there is my clint saga thus far. I care about that boy a lot and i wish that there was time enough to pursue this more.

I am excited tonight is the ward party we are dressing up as the spice girls I am going to be baby spice woot!!

a Semester (well about half of it) in Pictures

Tricia and I at the spirit relay

Tricia and I paint balling

Clint and Landin paint balling (Clint with the bandana Landin with the curly hair)

A Semester (well about half of it) in Pictures

Chocolate Frosting Fight with tricia

After frolicking in the rain

All of us paint balling

A Semester (well about half of it) in Pictures

The GYM!!!

A Demolition Derby of sorts

A Stolen Couch (part of the pranking)

A Saturday of Paintballing

Thats right i am going paint balling in about an hour it will be grand. That is one really good thing about being friends with trcia is that we do some odd things that turn out to be awesome. So i have been hanging out with clint a ton lately actually ever since i saw him in the library that first week we have hung out pretty much every day. Clint is such a nice guy but he is weird. Last semester he was really uptight he would come to my apartment and we would be in the living room and he would talk to me but i kinda had to be put in wall breaking mode. I consider myself pretty good at getting people to open up to me and clint was no exception, last semester i had a minor infatuation with him and the past few weeks that has started up again. But he is confusing he does things that make me think maybe he likes me but they are so simple that i can't help but have some doubts. So two nights ago he was acting extra touchy and what not so after he left i got some counsel from my roommates who are gorgeous and could have any guy they want. it was fun to talk to them about it because sometimes i think that tricia and megan think i am silly when i talk to them about boys and that is ok i would rather us have more then just that to talk about. Anyhow so last night he was being weird like not really talking to me, wouldn't sit next to me on the couch etc. it is just really frustrating i feel like i did when david and whitney started dating. like i had made all this effort to get to know someone to help them be genuine around me and instead of strengthening our relationship it just gave him opportunities to become better friends with everyone else except me. I know that is selfish i know i shouldn't think like that i am happy that clint gets along so well with everyone else but i don;t know i just wish he would decide if he wanted something or not with this.

men bleh

so i went to a personal trainer on wednesday and next week i will be starting a program that involves weights three times a week and cardio five times a week it will be hard but i really want to lose some weight. I get to go home in two weeks and i am excited i think the fam is going to have a sci fi saturday. a couple of years ago we had a sci fi saturday we ate pizza and watched Dune and The Fifth Element. Later we had a Spy Movie Saturday and the an Alternate Reality Saturday basically it is just an excuse to eat pizza and watch movies as a family and it is so much fun. i love my family oh yes i do indeed ok i am going to go eat breakfast or something

It's Been a Year

i almost just went to bed but then i remembered it has been a year today that i have had this blog so thanks to the few readers out there i appreciate your comments and what not it has been everything i hoped for ;) have a nice evening everyone and a productive wednesday

Thoughts While On the Treadmill:

Jeff Gordon looks like a turtle.

I am an awful blogger

I have been slacking big time partially because i have been really really horrifically grumpy the past four days but i am feeling better.

my date was way awesome it was probably the coolest date i have been on but i just don't like him that way i have decided which stinks cause he is really nice but it just isn't there i am just not feeling it and that is fine right? this whole thing has made me not want to date i just get worked up about it i just get nervous and stupid and grumpy so i am just not going to deal with this anymore. English was really good today we all had to make up songs and sing them in front of the class i kind of chickened out and wrote a rap instead but i got some laughs so that was nice

the past couple of days i have been missing jacob a lot i see guys around and i think i am sure they are cool but they aren't as awesome as jacob i know i shouldn't do that its not very fair but i just miss him i want a replacement jacob i miss his friendship a lot but so it goes i guess

i feel like sleeping for a long time

alright i am off to read Tuesdays With Morrie

More than a little awkward

sitting in thelibrary writing this but oh well i guess beggars can't be choosers and since my lovely apartment complex's internet is being sketchy that is what i am.

so quick update
i got an email from dakota he is in germany and loving it!!

I am going on a date with tyler tomorrow at noon i am excited/nervous

the first meeting of book club was last night and nobody showed up that was depressing but then we went adn saw The Gaurdian and it was really good so that made last night semi crappy but not completely ok i am getting really uncomfortable now so i am out hopefully the internet will be back soon and i can continue my blogging ways

mmhmm

well i am home and it is wonderful i got to see my uncle doug last night and james and karen came over james was nervous last night because he took the LSAT this morning i know he owned that test.

this morning i watched the first part of General Conference which was excellent and tonight i gte to see my uncle burt who is visiting from virginia WOOHOO! uncles all around hope everyone is well...

aha

i am so proud of david

Home again home again jiggety jig (or jog i suppose)

tomorrow i go home at 1:30 i had to turn tyler down which was sad because i really did want to go.



i got a strange urge to call ziv this evening i resisted of course sometimes i wonder what he is up to. a year ago this time he was all i could think about all i could write about he consumed me and the whole time trisha and megan were next door having fin without me stupid me stupid me. I do wonder what might have happened if we had never gotten together if i had listened to my mom in the first place would i still be here i don't know i don't like to dwell on it too much cause it makes me sad and there is nothing i can do now.


anyhow i am off and i will be writing from the beautiful state of utah next time around

oh my goodness

ok i am saving the best for last here.

So me and trisha have been going to the gym every night at nine and last night as we were walking to the athletics building she asked me if I wanted to run the midnight 5k the school is putting on at the end of october. This is really scary for me even though it is only three miles that is still really intimidating to me i don;t think i have ever run three straight miles in my life so last night i did a mile and a half on the eliptical and a half mile on the tredmill and i was ok but i am scared and really excited to get ready for this thing. I never realized how much i love exercising i certainly have never enjoyed it this much before. it is such a good release and i always feel like three thousand times better after wards and i get really hyper and it is fun anyhow. I also signed up for a personal trainer last night so that way i can figure out how the weights and everything work but that isn't until like the 10th of october so yeah i am excited this will be good.


anyhow ok here is the big news

so i was at my computer reading blogs and what not and trisha and jane run in and trisha's like guess who called me?!?!?? and i was like uhhh and she was like Tyler! Tyler is who i went on my date with on friday he called trisha and got my number! so i guess he asked her if i had a good time and what not and then asked her if she thought i would like to do something with him on friday. so trisha told him we are going to utah on friday and he was like alright so anyhow they tell me all this and then leave and like two minutes later he calls me and asks me if i had a good time and i say yes and then he asks me what i am doing friday afternoon so i told him i have class till one and he said well do you want to go on a short date with me after class and i was like freaking out on the inside and i told him yes. But the only problem is that i don't know of we are leaving at three or at six on friday so i told him i would call and tell him when i found out and he said alright and if that doesn't work out we can just do it another time and i am pretty happy right now. I am so glad that he called trisha i was worried cause he didn't ask for my number and i didn't want to call him again if he wasn't interested and also i remember hearing somewhere that if a guy is interested he will make the effort to track you down or whatever so yeah AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


i want to go to the gym right now i am freaking out.

i am so excited and nervous and bleh! i guess i will do some homework to try and get this out of my head deedle doo

Its Been

a really really really crummy day

bleh

The date was so much fun he is a really really really nice guy but it wasn't like i don't know there just wasn't anything there. I am not just dismissing this though if he asked me out again i would go. i just i don't know i keep thinking about the first night i met jacob and how immediately we connected and i know that was different and that a first date is awkward and inhibiting and i certainly wasn't exactly myself i don't know.


tonight was fun i chilled with clint one of my guy friends from last year who is here just for fall semester before he goes on his mission so that was cool he is a really awesome kid really funny and what not.

this weekend has been good in fact the whole week has been good i went to the gym four times and had a flag football game today so i am feeling good about dieting and what not ok i am tired it is 2:30 after all bleh good night all

I can't begin to express how much i love fridays

as mentioned above i love fridays why you may ask?? is it because i have a date tonight, certainly not! is it because i only have one class and it starts at noon? you better believe it!!


last night i went to bed at 11 and i got up at 10 this morning i don't know what my deal is apparently i was very tired.

I am hecka nervous about this date tonight I trust trisha's judgement but it is still really frightening to me but anyhow here is the plan the girls are going to make dinner for the guys----tortellini with french bread and maybe a salad after we are going on a picture scavenger hunt which will be fun after we will play games and go get some ice cream or something. hopefully he will have fun and hopefully jane will find a date. AHHHHHHHHHH wish me luck

Wherein much music is discussed and recieved 9/19

I wrote this yesterday and forgot to post:


I had a pretty dang good day today i will be completely honest with you. i got a little sad around two because going to devotional without jacob is still kind of weird for me and then there were all these couples and i almost cried but then i went home and took a nap and i was fine. So i went to Talent and Exploration board today and it was good the director asked me to be the "manager" over all things literary and that made me happy. as i was walking home i saw my FHE brother Eric who i knew likes music and since i got griff's dvd's (three of them full of spectacular music) and what not i was excited so i went to his apartment and we chatted about music then his roommate that i may or may not have a small infatuation with come home and we talked about music and he is really cute and it made me happy. me and tricia went to the gym which was good and afterwards we went over to this guy's apartment that hasa banjo and he let me play it and it was magical. so today was awesome and i hope everyone else ha da good day too!

The Pranking Continues

my dear blogging pals i am not sure if you are ready for this. make sure you are securely in your chairs and that your bladder is empty.


we put a bowling ball in their toilet.


Not just any old bowling ball, one with the holes plugged and covered in crisco so it is nice and slimy and they have a really difficult time getting it out oh yes oh yes tricia is a genius. It was hilarious


I think i am getting sick.

This evening we went to a demolition derby it was absolutely hilarious and so much fun.


So last semester tricia and jane and whitney said they had a guy they wanted to set me up with, because it was the end of the semester we decided to wait until we came back to school. So on thursday trica called tyler and today he agreed to go on a date with me on friday, I am really nervous about this i feel like this is it this is my chance to have some sort of relationship and i know that that is ridiculous but that is how i feel I just want this to work out so badly and i know that the chances of that are slim because after all it is a blind date

I love Tricia

she is just the best


today has been weird i have been doing a lot of thinking that has made me sad but happy like something you don't want to hear but you know you need to.

I am in this crazy english class. It is too hard to really explain what is going on but it is good and it is going to help me a lot i think with the whole learning process my teacher is awesome.

Tonight i went to a Stake activity for like ten minutes long enough for a chat with the bishop and giving mary a hug. After that me and Tricia went to her work party it was fun ish after we went to all a dollar to find some cheep sunless tanning lotion. Tricia has been pranking.


My housing complex is adjacent to a boys apartment complex and one of the apartments has a "Ladies Wanted apply inside" sign on it and a sign up sheet on their front door for girls to leave their names and phone numbers. Obviously these boys need to be taken down a notch or two so last weekend tricia and megan saran wrapped their door and put a bunch of torn up newspaper in between the door and the saran wrap so when they opened the door it all went in their apartment in retaliation the boys went into tricia's apartment and turned everything upside down; the couch the tv the microwave all the tables cereal boxes everything.

here is the plan tricia is in the nursing program so she is going to get into her scrubs and put the tanning lotion in a regular lotion bottle and tell the boys that she has to get pulses/blood pressure and give them facial massages and of course make patterns on their faces and then they will look like massive dorks and it will be hilarious

on saturday we are going to yellow stone it is supposed to be really pretty this time of year so i am excited i hope it doesn't fall through.

farewell

Everything has gone so smoothly

and now here i am in the library my assignment all finished and i can't get it onto web share so i can print it ARG!! Don't worry i am not freaking out yet i still have 50 minutes till class so send a little prayer my way if you are feeling religious and read this anytime before 11

what better way to procrastinate then to write a blog

I have to do this assignment for english that i am just really not in the mood for i am extraordinarily nervous about it so here i am.


Trisha talked to her boyfriend for the last time this evening so she is awfully sad which makes me awfully sad but cassidy is happy because nick her boyfriend came up to surprise her! so that is good anyhow. I had my first meeting for book club this evening we are all still organizing it is interesting here is how activities department goes: director-->Coordinator(2, performance and visual art)-->managers-->instructors because book club doesn't fall under wither performance or visual arts i am kind of on my own which doesn't bother me a bit in fact i like it this way this way i am both manager and instructor I HAVE TOTAL CONTROL BWHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH anyhow i picked a book for october: The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro so that will be good and six people (SIX PEOPLE!!!) emailed me about wanting to join which is more then we ever had last year i am so excited, my only problem is we only have two copies of the book around so i gotta fix that. I am thinking next month we will read Ex Libris by Ann Fadiman cause it is freaking awesome but i doubt they will have that at the library so we will see i suppose


this is a tribute to el suzo cause she is neat


me and my sister have this odd obsession with cheesy teen novels from the 80's ellen conford is a writer of many such books including Dear Lovey Heart, I am Desperate and If This is Love I'll Take Spaghetti both very wonderful novels and to answer your question el suzo i some how have missed the jenny archer books i will have to see if i can find them around.

so that is where my ridiculous "pen name"(?) came from and what not it just reminds me of my sis and that makes me happy



me and mary made a wager today if i don't get a date this semester she has to pay for me to goto a local show and if i do then i have to pay for her
we decided to make things a little more interesting if i don't get kissed this semester she owes me dinner and etc.

i am totally going to win hurray free stuff and no love for me!!!

Today i saw Hannah and Nate from my math group last semester it was good to see them they are so funny! i wish we could like hang out or something but i think it would be mightily awkward mrehhhhhhhhhh


i need to meet some guys not even attractive guys just some guys to be my friend there is too much estrogen up in here

farewell all and happy blogging

It is finished

done. he is gone. my big brother is married and happily honeymooning. i cried far too much this weekend. it was beautiful though and i felt really pretty and james is so happy and i am happy for him. it will just be weird everything will be different next time i go home. Thank heavens trisha was a round when i got back to rexburg she was able to communicate everything i was feeling she understands so well thank heavens.


Today i felt invisible. Just like i wasn't there to anyone. in my english class i was sitting there the TA was handing back papers he stood in front of me and yelled my name and kind of looked around that is how i felt today i just wanted scream i am right here hello!!! pay attention to me notice me! mreh


my chia pet is sprouting and that make me happy

delayed post

Mreh


Tricia’s sad Cass is sad I wish I could fix things for them but it is out of my hands I guess.


Today was my first day of class I am pretty excited about next semester today I had photo young adult literature and book of mormon it will be grand president clark gave the best talk ever along with his wife for devotional today it made me want to improve so much I am glad I could hear it.

I am feeling weird about my young adult literature class all of a sudden I am not the only one who likes to read I just feel like I don’t know regular I guess just not special any more it is weird.


I got to see Kilean and Christine this evening I think they were disappointed by me when I am with them I feel kind of like I have to perform I suppose this is how Andrew feels most of the time and that makes me sad

ahaha

i have a post i have all written out but i won't do that till thelma gets all powered up again i hope everything is grand in the blogging world and i will return sometime tomorrow

and here i am

got in about 10:30 yesterday got unpacked and what not i didn't meet my room roommate till about six her name is stephanie she is really nice but we are very different . i conviniently left the bag with my poercord for my conp my cell phone charger all my new school clothes and my makeup at home so trisha is bringing it up on monday


last night i went and walked up and around bymy old dorm and through the taylor quad being all nostalgic and what not it was nice i miss jacob

off we go

i just talked to griff and it is going to be horribly lonely without him up there i guess i am ready i cleaned my room up a bit i am all packed and everything except for some wash i need to do so yeah i suppose this is it next time i write i will be in the loveliest of lovely Rexburg Idaho

packing and more packing

today has been nice i hung out with taylor from byu-i it was good to see him i am basically all packed up my clothes for the most part are all done i am getting nervous and a little sad to be leaving my home again i am really excited to see everyone and to be learning again but i will just miss the family a lot i am coming to the realization that after this next week things will never be the same in my household jamesie will be gone diana is gone it will just be me and andrew and then next summer just me and my parents it is hard to get my mind around it, it will be so odd.

excuse my lack of posting

i got caught up in my last week of work

the date was a lot more fun then i thought it would be

chris is a good kid

my last day of work was good my boss gave me this humongous thing of flowers and i took pictures of everyone that i will hopefully be posting soon last night i stayed at dia's place downtown it was fun i read my book and we watched fifty first dates it was a very pleasant evening i hope she can come visit me in idaho that would be sweet i should probably be doing something productive like packing or buying dishes or something but today i am just relaxing for a while i have decided i suppose i will do something today mreh alright i am out this week is kind of looking a bit not fun

deedle--ACK

two more days of work that is so crazy to think about

sending a package of my dear scottie who entered the mtc this week on a mission to taiwan i also wrote jacob and dakota back so hopefully i will hear from them soon

date tonight ack i am pretty nervous i haven't done this for a while a really long while (still NOT counting church date) but it will be fun we are grabbing something to eat and taking it up the canyon to a lovely place eating then playing games i hope it is fun and i hoe we don't get rained on. I am taking a boy named chris that i met in high school who used to be my sister's boyfriend's best friend although i may have had a slight infatuation with him at one point feelings have faded in the year or so that we haven't hung out talking to him on the phone reminded me why i liked him so much he is a funny kid alright i suppose i will report when i get back farewell all and thanks Golden nib!

i hate crummy braveheart i don't want to watch it


i am going on a date tomorrow i am nervous

here i am wasting away

but i found a ton of awesome websites/blogs subscribed to all songs considered on NPR and NPR shuffle the best find of the day is this guy's awesome T-Shirts what a nice day

deedle dee

here is the talk i gave in church


The first thoughts that entered my mind when I was asked to give this talk about the blessings of the priesthood in our homes was the way in which the priesthood holders in my own family utilize this gift to serve and lead the members of my family as well as others that they come in contact with. Thomas S. Monson said that, “The priesthood is not really so much a gift as it is a commission to serve, a privilege to lift, and an opportunity to bless the lives of others.” This statement has become extremely apparent in my home as I have seen my brothers and my dad jump at any chance to use the priesthood in this manner. One specific instance comes to my mind, a few weeks ago my dad was preparing for a stressful trial the Sunday before the trial he asked my brother james to give him a blessing, seeing my brothers hands on my dad’s head was a huge testimony builder for me, seeing the faith that my dad had in the power of the priesthood helped me to realize that power. Service and the priesthood in my mind always went hand in hand it seems that if you are using the priesthood as much as possible in your life you can’t do so with out serving others. David O. Mckay said that the “Priesthood means service. This is true even in its divine source, as we may infer from the sublime declaration: ‘This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.’ Emanating from Deity is the service that leads to the redemption of God’s children.” A tradition in my family as well as in many others is to receive blessings before the school year starts as I started college last year I was thankful to be blessed with the comfort that I so needed in the first months of school. While I was at school I realized what a great opportunity it was for me to have the priesthood on hand all the time, being away from that made me realize how much I depend on my dad and brothers worthiness to use the priesthood.
Another thing the priesthood coincides with is leadership. Doctrine and Covenants 121: 36 and 37 says That the arights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be bcontrolled nor handled only upon the cprinciples of righteousness. 37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to acover our bsins, or to gratify our cpride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or ddominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens ewithdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.” It is obvious in this verse that the priesthood can only be used for good in leadership and that when it is used for good great things can occur. At general conference in 1977, Elder L. Tom Perry says : I am aware how concerned we each are with the leadership we find in the world today. To change the head of a nation, state, or community towards righteous leadership may require our earnest efforts for years. But there is something we can change today to make the world a better place in which to live. Husbands and fathers, the power is within you as bearers of the priesthood. Enjoy the inspiration of God, our Eternal Father, to lead, guide, and direct your families in righteousness. You stand at the head of the only organization I know of that can be eternal. Should not that charge and responsibility receive top priority in your life?”
I take great comfort in the fact that my father is a worthy and inspired leader of my family. Because of this I know his decisions are correct and he knows what is best for me and my siblings. Priesthood leadership in the home does not always manifest itself in a father, families can also rely on the counsel of church leaders, home teachers, Sunday school instructors and neighbors.
I am thankful to be able to have this opportunity to speak today and I am so very grateful for the wonderful examples of the priesthood that my brothers and my dad give me.



we are having a big old family gathering at my house tonight with the cousins and what not it will be great have a great sabbath everyone

best week ever

lake powell was spectacular
basically i was on a boat for five days blissfully whizzing around the lake reading my book swimming tubing and attempting to wake board it was fantastic and without incident one of the most relaxing vacations i have ever been on. i got home thursday and that night i went to Briki's house. She had called me and said she had something to show me. i went over there to find the tinniest little orange kitten i have ever seen, so little it still had its umbilical cord. it is absolutely adorable. the downside to this kitten is that it needs to be fed every two hours which is not exactly an easy task. so last night i slept over there and woke up with brik every two hours to feed this adorable thing so basically this week has been really good and i leave for rexburg in two weeks i only have five days of work left and i have to give a talk in church tomorrow i suppose i will post it when i write it.

in other news i got a letter from jacob and dakota!! so that was awesome jacob also sent me a picture he is looking good i miss those boys so much and i i know that when i get to school it will be a million times worse. but i will make it through find new friends etc ok i am off to the races hope everyone is well......

maybe i lied

I WILL arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

-William Butler Yeats

vacation

well this is my last post till friday probably, we are leaving tomorrow at 10:15 so i plan on going to sacrament meeting at about nine so that will be good.

i am very tired

six days of work doesn't make my body very happy with me

i am extremely excited for vacation i will tell you that much.
well blogging world i have nothing profound to say but farewell

hrmmm

so much to write today

last night was amazing everything i had hoped for ahh i was all the way up front like one person away from the bar right in the middle it was so awesome and of course they put on a fantastic show the only damper was of the thousands (literally thousands) of people i could have seen in that stadium who do i see in the chairs above me? Ziv of course and his ridiculous girlfriend but do not worry dear readers i saw him, i freaked out for about five minutes then i let it go. I am almost positive he didn't see me.

a thought that crossed my mind

i don't know how musicians do it i would despise having people memorize lyrics to songs they know nothing about so much room for misinterpretation, i suppose i am just seeing this from the perspective of a person who doesn't really enjoy sharing things they have written

i just think it would trivialize anything with a little depth in it.

last night i acquired a record player, it is gorgeous it was my grandparents and that makes it even better, i am currently listening to leonard bernstein being awesome.


tonight i got to hang out with briki we went and got ice cream it was nice and tomorrow briki maddie and I will go school clothes shopping it will be grand i love those girls so very much. it is weird to think that i have only ten days of work left it kind of makes me sad and relived but i am not ready to start packing that is for sure i am in a quandry wether to leave the record player here or take it to rexburgi really want to take it but i am afraid we won't have any room in yonder apartment but hmm i guess we will see.

i should probably go to sleep now, farewell

It is WINDY!!!

it is crazy outside crap LASAGNA

sorry i forgot i had to put one of those ridiculously large frozen lasagna's in the oven it takes like two hours to cook and i think the boys might be angry if there was nothing to eat when they got home anyhow lots of exciting news, today has been so good!!!

1. next week i get to go to lake powell with whitney for five days WOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!
2. last night i was at Briki's for a while and they live a cross the street from the banjo champion of the state in 2003 and jil talked to them and he said he would give me lessons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bwhahahhahah My dream of playing the banjo will finally come true!!!!
3. DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEHAAAAWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. do you see all of those exclamation points?

i got really distracted while i was looking for that ridiculous banjo link i ended up reading all of my entries for april that is what i love about this thing it keeps all my emotions so fresh in my head maybe i will go get some bread or something for sinner tonight that might be good or maybe i won't and i will just stay here mmmm the next two weeks are going to be fantastic and then one more week of work one week of packing and then i will be in rexburg mmmmmmm college my schedule is awesome here it is

second half of Book of Mormon, College Writing, Photo, Young Adult Literature, Library, and Foundations in Education WOOHOO go me!

i am really excited today can you tell?

blregh

today was kind of a let down

but thats ok

i may or may not go up the canyon with whit tonight to roast various items for consumption i am sure that will redeem this day a little bit.

i think i am ready for sleep or maybe to just go to rexburg and chill

Problematic

i have this issue it is weird and i have to be vague but here goes

i have a slight infatuation with a fellow blogger i have never spoken to him or met him or anything i just read his blogs.

but i am finding myself more and more attracted to him now here is where it gets tricky i am some what linked to him i could probably get a date with him by means of this connection but i am scared out of my gourd yes thats right my GOURD. but i keep thinking that going an ENTIRE year without a date (other than church date but that does NOT count) is kind of depressing so i should just do it but what if i do and then he finds out i read his blog and he thinks i am a stalker of some sort which i am totally not because i started reading his blog before i found out about this connection bleh or what if he thinks i am an idiot or i don't know what if i become more infatuated with him and he rejects me/i have to go to idaho. stupidness. maybe i will bring it up to my connection.


My parents are in michigan this weekend i miss them i am nervous bad things seem to happen when they are gone but so far it has been smooth sailing

i do believe i get to sleep in tomorrow

Something Strange

this evening i went to Diana's new apartment to help move in and what not, i came home to a seemingly sleeping family. About ten minutes into my raid of the kitchen my little brother Andrew showed up, he sat down and we started to chat. He looked somewhat preoccupied so i asked what was on his mind. He looked at me in all seriousness and said "are you ready for tomorrow?" what? "are you ready for tomorrow? are you prepared?" for what? physically? mentally? emotionally? spiritually? i asked are you ready for tomorrow? and he nodded his head half heartedly i said andrew i am not in the mood to be messed around with so tell me what is going on or else i won't be able to sleep tonight. he shook his head and said i am not joking are you ready? and i said i don't know.

The conversation continued: sometimes andrew gets in these moods, where he feels life is so pointless so repetitive and i feel that way too . We discussed this. I wish i could help him.

As he got up to go to bed I asked will you be there for me tomorrow, he nodded his head somewhat sadly and looked to the ceiling and said maybe nothing will happen at all tomorrow.

I suppose i will wait and see.

Cheese Night Etc.

The long anticipated cheese night was on monday we had a wonderful time those who attended included Mom and Dad, Liz and Joe, James and Karen, Diana, me of course, and Andrew so everyone who will be in italy! we had some delicious cheeses i must say there was Cheddar, Parmesan, Romano, Fontina, Gouda Smoked, Gouda, Brie, Jarlsberg and some fresh Cheese Curds they were all very delicious if you have not experienced a grilled Jarlsberg sandwiches you should probably do that because it is amazing.

Myrl, my sweet little Myrl is in a rehab center. She went into the hospital on saturday with a severe urinary tract infection and they think she might have a had a stroke. so sunday and monday i went and saw her at the hospital and yesterday she was moved. I think she will be alright she seemed pretty alert and what not i sure hope she comes back soon i miss her immensely.

In other news I am reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to David and Marjorie they have enjoyed it thus far and i am hoping to finish before i have to go back to school.

This week has been decent although quite long because i worked sunday as well i am eagerly awaiting the arrival of friday, the parents are going out of town so there will be a party oh yeah! just kidding no party.

Happy Birthday Diana!

today is my dear siss' birthday she is 21! that is crazy to me

i had to kill a spider it was scary.

so this evening we went to dinner with the whole fam which ended up being a party of ten! crazy but so much fun while eating we discussed our trip next summer to italy! italy!!!!!! YA KNOW THE ONE IN EUROPE!!!!!!!! i am so ridiculously excited because i have never been out of the country and it is freaking italy for goodness sakes we will be staying in Tuscany renting a villa there and it will be the whole family so i am excited.

This weekend has been quite pleasant on friday my parents and I went to The Devil Wears Prada, which was descent i thought not my favorite but still good and today i just hung out at home with everyone Andrew finally got back from scout camp so that was nice and then dinner.

I also went on a walk this evening, i am trying to lose a little weight before i go back so i have been trying to walk around the park near my home and i am hoping to start jogging here in a little bit anyhow i was walking along walk walk walk and it starts pouring so i stuck my ipod under my shirt and walked home in the rain it was awfully pleasant though i really enjoyed it so there ya go good weekend and dangit i have to work tomorrow but only a half day and then i get tuesday off so yeehaww and monday night we are having our cheese party so if anyone has any suggestions for good cheeses let me know ok i am out

The Perfect Evening

nellie passed away on saturday morning Cecil her son came and told us monday morning i don't think it really hit me until today when they moved herbed out of her room and started packing things up.

life goes on i suppose

last week was really fun i hung out with whitney and elise for the first time in weeks as well as my older sister it was quite pleasant


i am feeling odd

A Day Off

Tomorrow i have a day off, i am pretty excited about this i will sleep in and then at noon i will go and see my dad argue at his trial. I am excited my dad is a very intelligent man I am excited to see him at work. alright it is time for more star trek

teehee

as Andrew and I settle down for our seemingly millionth episode of star trek today i feel I need to list today's or rather the weekend's finer points so here we go

*I went to a movie that i wanted to see and didn't have to pay for it
*I got a letter from one David at West point
*I made a killer sandwich for lunch today (toasted bread, mild cheddar, tomatoes, sprouts, cucumbers, and romaine lettuce ahhhh)
*I get to go to church with Myrl, Wynema, and Marjorie tomorrow
*i got to sleep in until i woke up on my own today
*today was so magnificently relaxing it was almost too much

there ya go hopefully i will be able to sleep tonight

odd

it is weird what 20 minutes of sleep can do for ones demeanor


i am feeling pretty good now and glad that it is only 2:00 in the afternoon and my day of rest is only half over i hope i do something fun tonight


i have talked to aaron quite in depth about things that are going on in my life last night we talked about emotion and how for him it is just easier to not feel.

this is something i don't quite understand the way that i have always seen things is that emotion makes up life that with out emotion life is kind of meaningless i don't know i just don't think that would be any way to live to not let yourself enjoy things so as to protect yourself but i do suppose everyone does that to an extent meh


Denzel Washington = Supreme Hottie

grumpy

i am just grumpy today i am trying to figure out why i am not at work i slept until 10:30 i am not hungry or sick, i actually hung out with someone last night i really have nothing to be grumpy about but i am just in a rotten mood.


Last night i went and saw the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie with my friend Aaron, although the movie was quite disappointing i had a lot of fun he is a nice kid.

i really like star trek next generation it is grand

NERD

I wish it was tomorrow so i could watch The Office instead of So You Think You Can Dance

that is depressing

Disappointment

today was kind of crummy i won't lie to ya

I went to some one seeking comfort some sort of respite from the bitterness the day had left me with and they belittled me and my sadness.

I realize that my life is pretty dang good and i am thankful for that, I don't have anything to complain about really and that is great but it doesn't mean that i don't sometimes get sad or depressed or disapointed that doesn't mean that things just don't go wrong

In a friend i expect to be supported and uplifted and of course i will reciprocate

but don't plan on dumping all your crap on me and not lending a sympathetic ear in return

Epiphany : an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure

Yesterday was great just an all around good day at church followed by an even more excellent chat with my brothers.

during sacrament meeting we talked about faith
and something clicked in me

i have always had this struggle with ambition and being motivated always, i just can't seem to care, apathy is just something i have dealt with for a long time sunday i think i realized why that is.

I am just scared, i am too scared to try my hardest at anything because if i do and i fail then what am i? sub standard and there is nothing that can fix that if i have tried my hardest i am just a failure.

because of this i just don't try very hard it is not like i am stupid i am actually quite intelligent but it is easier for me to not try very hard and get a 2.8 then try my hardest and only end up with like 3.5 why put forth the effort when i don't think the outcome is worthwhile.

I have found that i have taken the same path with my faith i have failings i have temptations that i have given into but what if i just don't repent well enough what if i just can't get to the point where i feel like i am a good person again even though i tried my hardest. And i do realize that that is a big part of what the atonement is but it is just hard to grasp i guess i just need to try harder.

So i am feeling good i feel like i can fix this that i don't have to be perfect but i do need to try my hardest and even if i don't succeed to where i want to be then at least i know i tried.

deedle doo

Nellie is in the hospital, she has kidney stones. I haven't talked to her yet i want to call her but i am scared.

Death continues to touch me in ways unexpected. A friend of mine found out last night an acquaintance of hers committed suicide a few weeks ago.

We sat and talked about it for a bit I told them about my experience with virginia how hard it is to go into her room and still see her clothes hanging in the closet like she has just gone away for a bit. Brik brought up a good point, it is just a hard concept to grasp.


i have to go to a stinking family reunion today it will suck



Last night was fun I am glad the four of us could get together again I told them about kissing cory they all told me they already knew.

I feel so comfortable around those girls like i could tell them anything and it would be ok

a lot on my mind

last night --- moment of weakness it was a crappy day i was tired and needed to be emo about something

but it was a lot of fun i made a cds for cory and jared so cory came and picked me up and we drove around and listened to his cd only to find out he didn't like any of it so that was stinky after that he forced me to go to his house and watch fireworks and eat ice cream with his family which wasn't half as awkward as i thought it would be, his grandma was there and so i talked with her and that was nice. his family is nice too made me feel very welcome and what not. Conveniently cory has a spectacular view of the valley from his home so we got to see the fireworks from all over it was pimp.


Death has always seemed such a distant thing to me sure everyone dies but my parents are only in there fifties i assume my siblings and friends won't be dying soon. All the sudden death is bearing down on me, the people at my work are so close it is hard for me to know how to act what to say and how to deal with it. nellie thinks she is going to die. She thought she was going to last night, today she was in a wheel chair unable to walk i don't know what i will do if she dies i care about her so much

yeah buddy

at my work they mainly watch The Hallmark channel and today there was a Rawhide marathon although i had never seen rawhide before i must say clint eastwood is a major hottie

Las Vegas

On friday i got up at about six and was off by 10 to seven went and got tricia and we were on our way the drive was pretty uneventful we got to Las vegas about 1:15 their time so not bad after we arrived megan took us to a place called the elephant bar for lunch it was quite delicious. after that we went to Whitney's (the girl who got married) and helped with food and cleaning and all that jazz and then continued to the church where the reception would be held and set up until around 10:30 after that we went and got something to eat and then went down to the strip.

I can't begin to describe that experience walking on the strip only two things crossed my mind: one, this town all it is is sex and money and two get me the crap out of here. i think i was just stunned by the gaudiness of it all it is just the complete opposite of what sandy is, it is huge and flashy and dirty everything smells like cigarettes and alcohol and there are half naked woman running around everywhere NASTY!

we didn't get home until around 1 so it was a very very long day

on saturday we got up at 9 had breakfast went and helped at the church some more me and tricia went and got the cake then went and waited outside of the temple for whitney and jeff it was nice

so jeff's little brother was really cute and we talked a little he was really sweet though during the reception i went into this little side hall at the church and just sat down to decompress he walked by and we chatted for a bit he asked me what i was doing and i said i needed some alone time and he got out of there pretty quick probably not the best idea to tell him i wanted to be alone but meh anyway so during the reception he made a speech and recited a poem that he wrote for whitney and jeff that was pretty impressive to me i only know of one boy likes poetry and that is my brother so after i saw him sitting alone at a table and i went over and talked poetry with him this was a half an hour after he had taken Shayli my new little four year old friend out onto the dance floor

needless to say this boy definitely sparked my interest but alas he lives in virginia and i have no way of contacting him meh

after the reception we cleaned up and then went to megan's went to sleep woke up and started driving ok i am off

A Hiatus

I am leaving for vegas tomorrow at 7 it will be grand

I hope everyone has a great weekend

expect many pictures

I am not dead, not yet

i haven't posted in quite a while so i thought i would do that tonight today kind of sucked cause i woke up feeling pretty dang crappy so i called sick into work and i think my boss is pissed but i don't care because it is not my fault that i got sick and they are understaffed anyways.

not bitter i promise.

so me and james watched dances with wolves this afternoon which was pleasant i enjoyed what i saw of it very much and this evening because i was feeling a bit better i went to cpr and first aid training and that was good i am pretty sleepy this evening bleh

work has been ok lately just as tiring as ever david left to west point yesterday morning i believe his first day was today i wish him all the luck in the world

so i am taking a trip to las vegas this weekend to see a friend of mine from college get married it will be grand i am going with tricia so that is exciting it will be loads of fun alright i am off to bed

10.10X8.4X3.10

i am feeling like an idiot
i got contacts today so that is cool but not why i am an idiot

i don't even want to write about it, i don't deserve any sort of pity for the situation i have put myself into i am just such an idiot

i am an idiot but i am not as hurt as i thought i would be it is just more like meh oh well so it goes


but still an idiot nonetheless

i guess i am lucky that my feelings didn't get hurt horribly
it is more like a twinge

do you ever get the feeling that you're tired and would you tell me if you did

funny, yes?

arg

i saw and spoke with ziv for the first time since january this evening.

it is annoying how attractive i still find him

we didn't speak much i made an effort not to but even in the few moments we did arg i just bleh

tonight was fun i hung out with the library crew


minus elise and plus whitney

i always forget how much i enjoy their company they talk about real things tonight it was religion and wether smatter was a word

i keep wondering will i ever see him and not be attracted to him even after he hurt me so bad there is something arg

cool survey thing

its an electronic update of the classic surrealist questions game the exquisite corpse. The idea is that you answer all the questions by typing your answer into Google Image search and post the answer in the form of an image that comes up. For poetic license well say you can choose from the first 10 results but the idea is, of course, to work with the randomness of the responses.

1. What makes you happy?

2. What are you most ashamed of in yourself?

3. Where do you see yourself in ten years?


4. What is the first thing you remember?


5. What has gotten you through the darkest hour?


6. What does your parents' house smell like?


7. What word do you use far too often?


8. One word you associate with your best-kept secret


9. One word describing a recurring theme in your dreams?


10. What disgusts you in others?

Things Are Looking Up

*david is home and well
*Virginia ate breakfast this morning
* i am going to take a nap

Death

deaths come in threes huh

my baby brother found out tonight that one of his friends died while climbing today.

a lady i work with named virginia quit eating today i suspect she will go sometime this week.

it is odd how trivial car commercials become when you are waiting for news of that magnitude

I don't care if it is a wooden cup, just don't tap on it

my weekend has been full of

The Office:



:


The Zoo

and


Engagements!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations Jamesie!!!!!!!!!!!!

June 8 2006

Since blogger has been ridiculous here is a post for a few days ago

Meh a lot of dumb but good things happened last night to make a long story short I told cory I had feelings for him he told me he reciprocated but has a girlfriend he said he never really pursued me because he knew nothing could ever happen between us because of various reasons it was sad and good so we will be friends and it will be fine.

This morning at 5 I got together with Briki Maddie and Anne we went to breakfast it was fun but I am so exhausted tonight I guess getting up that early then working wasn’t really the smartest thing I could have ever done meh.

I am excited tomorrow whit elise and i are going to have an "Office" party we have all episodes of the british version and 7 episodes of the american version including the oh so fabulous season finale it will be grand elise is bringing desert whit is bringing the main course and i am making appetizers that are amazing maybe i will post the recipe.

Tonight was fun it rained pretty hard here so we went out and wandered about in the rain and in awesome coats




i am feeling good tonight better than i was this afternoon or yesterday actually better then most of the week i am ready for some sleep

mreh

i don't know about today it was good i guess i am tired i wish i could have played more tonight it is frustrating but oh well i guess i am going to see if i can get next thursday and friday off cause DAVID COMES HOME ON TUESDAY!!!!! that makes me happy alright i am out

i am just trying to figure things out

i am trying to make sense of the emotional break downs i have had in the past week i am trying to figure out why i am so sad

it is frustrating to come home after a party and sob because i am hungry and i can't find anything to eat or because i can't find my sweatpants

it is frustrating to be listening to music and just breaking down because some memory that hasn't manifested itself in over a year suddenly pops up

I don't want to be sad i don't want to cry i don't want to be tired at night i wish i could have energy enough to be entertaining to my friends again

"I look like a girl, i ate like a man"-- Andrew

Sometimes after reading a lot in a small period of time i find myself narrating my life like a novel in my head.

that is weird.

last night i went to a Love You Long Time in provo. it was an outdoor venue actually an apartment complex. I got to see Matt, Tricia and Taylor. it was awesomely fun the only damper on the evening was saying good bye to matt. I am hoping that i will be able to maintain some sort of contact over the next two years.

In Ben Lee's album Breathing Tornadoes, he sounds like phil collins, and i am alright with that.

I have started fight club it is weird but good i have enjoyed it thus far.

lallala

work was good today i got to help opal get ready for her doctor's appointment so i put her make up on her got dressed helped her do her hair it was a pleasant break from the tedium of cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming she is such a sweetheart.

It is weird how much your relationship changes with someone after you bathe them. One lady named Nellie in particular i have seen this in. after tuesday when i gave her a bath she told me she loved me, she wants me to sit and talk with her instead of cleaning.

i will be sad when i go back to school and i wont get to see these ladies they are so sweet to me.

It is only when I am exhausted and I can’t sleep, when I sink into some unexplained brief depression, when I feel like I have messed things up beyond repair, when Frasier makes me teary eyed, when even a comfy robe chocolate and stuffed animals can’t help me shake the feelings of regret, failure, then I let my guard down and I let myself remember being held when I was frustrated, sitting on grass crying into a half empty ice cream bowl while he told me he didn’t want to love me.

And I just want it to all go away

And it will after I sleep and work and see Matt Erdmann for the last time, after I call whitney and make sure everything is fine, after I finally get home tomorrow night exhausted, realizing that there are only two days of the week left



Winds

kind of funny

So this weekend was interesting, Saturday I went with my brother in-law to Conduit 16 a science fiction/fantasy convention we went because joe has to do a documentary for one of his classes this semester so he thought this would be an interesting place to start it was really interesting and kind of funny and kind of sad but fascinating. We did some interviews and just wandered around everyone was very willing to talk to us we stayed for around two hours and then i went with mom to the cemetery to clean up grandma and grandpa's, great grandma and grandpa's, and my great aunt virginia's graves it was raining and hecka cold but worth it it was good. saturday night we went back to "The Con", as the participants referred to it as, for the Masquerade which was essentially a costume contest we did some more interviews and i got slightly chatted up by a guy dressed as a Knight which was sad he was pretty cute. After that i went back to Liz and Joe's and we just chilled i ended up sleeping over there so that was fun. Sunday was good i went to the singles ward again and it was pleasant. i was going to go to ward prayer but i got to scared to go to it by myself. At seven me and Andrew went to a sunday school barbecue with the people in my home ward that was pretty entertaining they are good people. alright i am off to the races

woohoo

lets see catching up

yesterday i had my first big clean up job one of the ladies had quite the accident resulting in poop everywhere in the bathroom so that was interesting and gross also debra asked me to work today and i agreed like an idiot disregarding the fact that i had plans for the premier of x men 3 at midnight. so yeah x men was awesome last night was so much fun though totally worth it. I ended up going to bed at about 3 and getting up at 6:30 then i worked till 11 came home ate slept took a bath and now i am just chilling out it is nice to be able to relax.

despite all my whining about my job i do really enjoy it. helping people is so rewarding and every time one of them gives me a hug or a kiss on the cheek it makes everything a million times better. They are all such sweet people.

i was feeling a little lonely last night it is frustrating i don't want to feel like having a relationship will make me a happier person bleh

bleh

i have no desire to go to work tomorrow i am so freaking tired

today was alright i met the other lady i will be working with i don't like her very much there was a lot of jaw clenching and cheek biting going on luckily she only comes in from 11-2 on mondays and wednesdays

arg not a pleasant woman and she is always yelling.

i think the best part of the day was when i leaned down to give louise a hug and she gave me a kiss on the cheek and when angie rolled her eyes at the lady i don't like.

It makes me sad to think that i will never really know angie i love that lady so much and i have only known her two days she has probably had a good life all i know is that she had 4 children 3 girls and one boy and one of the girls died and that she is from new york sometimes when i sit with her and she talks about random things i can here her accent a little bit it is cute alright i am out

ack

today was nice i talked to tricia, megan, and mary they made me miss idaho a lot.

So my boss called me and wants me to come in tomorrow so i guess i will go do that. it will suck a bit because i have to take the bus normally that wouldn't really bug me but i am going to end up there about twenty minutes early because of the bus schedule and what not but oh well it will be fine. oh yes here is my new hair cut that is not very new any longer

My Saturday

Planting:


Movie:


Henry:


Mountains:

Wherein a job is aquired

i start next thursday i work from 7:00 am to 1:00 pm it is an assisted living place so i will be helping people which makes me happy.

last night was so much fun me and whit went to Elise's play then Kelsie met up with the three of us afterward we drove around and listened to cheesy music talked about boys left crap on ziv's lawn bwhahahahhahahhahahha

maybe i will go to the library man i love the library

I Want A TV Embrace

Tuesday night mom decided it was about time for the doctor so we went i had a fever again and the good old doctor diagnosed me with a sinus infection and an ear infection, gave me a prescription for amoxocilin and sent me on my merry way.

last night me whit, brad, and mitch went to Cloud Cult which was amazing ahh so good that right there made my week.

It is weird hanging out with those three because it is obvious that both boys have feelings for whitney, normally this would annoy me but for some reason i am very content to be an observer of all this. It is funny to watch the exchanges physical and verbal not to mention the reactions

Tonight i am going to Elise's play with whitney and jamie, jamie is a friend from high school he is a little odd but one of my favorite people to talk to like david he isn't afraid to give you the straight poop. I have a lot of respect for that.

"I've re-emodulated the pulse emitters"

me and james are watching Star Trek: First Contact.

i remember watching this as a child in the theater and being scared out of my mind.

how in the world does data let the borg seduce him. ridiculous.

So i went to the library yesterday (actually i went there twice) and happened upon Ben Lee's Breathing Tornadoes it is pretty good he sounds quite a bit different, there is a definite change in style but still enjoyable. I also got a book called Diary it is by Chuck Palahniuk david said he was his favorite author so i thought i would check his stuff out. it is decent so far pretty depressing though. i was talking to david last night and he said that he was reading the same book fancy that.

Last night i went to whitney's dorm and we went on quite the little walk around it was extremely pleasant but wore me out pretty good.

deedle doo deedle dee

quasi

I am sitting here in the basement with all the siblings and their respective significant others well just Liz and James' i suppose we are watching old family videos they are pretty much hilarious so james and karen went to look for an engagement ring yesterday james was all nervous and what not it was cute.

i am feeling a bit better today but my throat is still killing me but i made it to all three hours of church so that was good. It was nice today actually it is always nice i have missed my home ward. It is just so familiar like walking into my house ahh i can't describe it.

I love having everyone here it is so nice my family is basically the best ever.

I am ready to go seriously look for a job i am sick of not having anything to do deedle dee!!



here is my precious sister she got her haircut all cute

i will blame my lack of posting on the cold that has taken over my body

i keep thinking i have things to write about when in actuality i don't meh

i applied for three jobs yesterday so that was good
whitney came over last night with some Top Ramen and Les Miserables i had never seen it before so that was fun it is a good movie. i went to bed around 11 and woke up around 9:30 today it was the most restful sleep i have had all week then again i did take some nyquil the nectar of the gods

james andrew dad and mom all went to do service this morning i sincerely wish i could have gone with them but i know it would have drained me they got back around 11:30 and proceeded to convince mom and dad that we needed to get some food from cafe rio (local mexican restaurant) so they are of doing that and i am here watching Julia Childs work her magic i absolutely love cooking shows there is nothing better.

i am going to be putting up pictures here in a bit that is the plan anyway so look forward to my cutest little kitty henry.

mrehh

it seems my body and my brain hate each other currently.

the last two nights i have been unable to sleep, mainly because i have been too frightened to do so. Sometimes i get i these moods where i am just scared not of anything particularly but just scared enough to make for a horribly restless sleep.

last night was one of the worst it has ever been normally when this happens i just fall asleep on the couch with the tv on and then i am fine but last night i couldn't i was tired exhausted but i kept imagining things. around two i went upstairs to sleep on the floor, andrew was sleeping on the couch so i thought that would help but i tossed and turned until about three and finally fell asleep. I woke up again at around 5:30 really cold so i found a sweatshirt plugged in the hot pad and grabbed an extra blanket and drifted off till about 6:30 then i got up helped andrew get off to school and went on a walk with my mom.


we got back around quarter to eight and i decided to take a nap till james and mom got back from the temple so i went into my bed layed there for a half hour and decided that was pointless so i have just been sitting here chillin.

the worst part of it all is that i have a nasty cold so not only am i exhausted i am achey and sore

i just want to feel better

May 10, 2006

Today was ok well it was good this morning but tonight was kind of sucky. Whit and I went swimming in her backyard this afternoon and that was really nice I got a lot of reading done today cause I woke up about an hour before whitney did (she slept at my house last night) so I sat and finished Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons which was surprisingly good it is one of those books like the at home in mittford series just fluffy but so comforting in a way. While we layed out I finished Christmas on Ice which was funny but not as good as Me Talk Pretty One Day I also got a bout half way through Nine Stories a little odd but good. So a lot of reading and I always like that. I got home around 3 and just chilled until about five when me and james started cooking dinner and we kind of messed up on a lot of things and that was frustrating and then we didn’t have it finished before Andrew had to leave and everyone was like I don’t like what your cooking blah blah blah and that made me mad and I was already grumpy cause I was tired and sun burnt and arg and it made me more irritated that that is what mom probably felt like every single night cooking dinner for all seven of us and I have been to preoccupied with my petty trivial-ness to realize how much she does for us. Arg


So after dinner whit called and she came and picked me up and we went and picked up miitch from the dorms and that is when we started arguing. If there is one thing that I despise is conflict it drives me crazy even like little not even real arguments even when people jokingly play the devils advocate it makes me really really uncomfortable so me and whit were arguing and mitch was frustrated cause his BMW got totaled the other day and we were trying to find a car for him and not having much luck I felt bad because I feel like mitch and whitney said bye to eachother with hurt feelings atleast on Mitch’s side and It was all because I had been in a crap mood in the first place I need to stop displacing my anger I am really bad at that.

After we dropped mitch off me and whit decided to get some ice cream so we did and then went back to her house

Everything ended ok I just feel like I ruined mitch’s night and I that makes me sad
Alright this has been some good venting I am out

Red Dwarf

me and james are sitting here watching Red Dwarf it is pretty dang funny we went to the library today i got three books and james got red dwarf.

I got Everything is Illuminated, Holidays on Ice, and Nine Stories. I am excited to read them. So i guess i didn't get the internship at the Family History Library which kind of makes me sad but oh well so it goes i guess i will call that lady from qwest i doubt that will work out though cause i leave for school in four months. meh i am sick of all this.

diana went to an interview today i hope she gets the job it would be good for her. alright i am going to go eat some cookies or something

bleck

i feel really crappy today. i feel like a failure i don't want to do anything i just want to sleep i need to get a job but i don't want to waste four months of my life doing something i don't like. i applied at Qwest and a few days ago i got an e mail from them telling me to call some lady to set up an interview of sorts but i just don't want to every time i think about it i get nauseated and grossly nervous i hate feeling like this i want to go back to school it is so steady i am already sick of summer i miss jacob and tricia and megan.

i feel so unproductive but i can't seem to get motivated enough to do anything about it. i just want everything to go away

stupid internet

i haven't written for a while which is dumb lets see

i went to a late night snack with cory and some of his friends it was good to meet them they are pretty hilarious so that was on thursday on friday i had a sleep over with anne maddie and Brikaeli it was so nice we always need these to cry and and vent and feel loved. we drove up to the spot of course and just chilled i am worried about brik she has had a hard couple of past months she is really sick and the doctors don't know what to do something is wrong with her heart and she is always tired and can't do much, she gets so frustrated cause she just wants to play and go to school but she is just so darn tired. not to mention she didn't make ACappella choir at school and she is having trouble at home i wish i could just fix everything for her i love her so much. on the upside she has a really awesome boyfriend (that she told she loved him friday night!) so that is good and anne got her first kiss on thursday and her boyfriends parents are INSANE so that is dumb anyhow it was fun. ahh tonight i went to brik's house and just chatted i am really lose with all her family so it was nice to see them all again i love going over there it is such a peaceful place even though they have seven kids. Jil (brik's mom) always makes me think about stuff and that is why i love her ok i am off to bed

meh

I am in a pickle a depressing pickle.

last night me and whitney hung out with Cory. I have been talking with cory on the internet for most of the semester he has mentioned subtly that he has some interest in me, although Cory is a nice boy he is not very intelligent but he is decently attractive. This would be a good thing but it brings to mind a certain situation, it reflects the circumstances of last summer almost exactly. When i was in idaho i didn't think this was going to be a problem besides i wasn't all that attracted to this kid in the first place.

last night was so much fun though. Once in awhile he would rest his head on my shoulder and i would get little butterfly-ey feelings.


I know i can't do this, i can't have any sort of relationship with him because i know i would just end up alone and depressed at the end of four months.

My experience with ziv has taught me too well, what is the point of a relationship that is destined to fail.
It only makes sense that the one boy who is interested in me is completely out of the question. It isn't a big deal i just need to talk to him now and tell him what is going on i don't want to hurt his feelings.


i just got summoned for stupid jury duty on the tenth and i am pissed

May 1, 2006, 12:00 am

I am feeling weird tonight. This afternoon was nice me and James cleaned then Andrew Diana and James and I all sat in the living room and just talked and laughed it was so much fun.

Tonight I went to Whitney’s dorm her roommate is my best friend from elementary school so we reminisced for quite a while I think Whit was getting annoyed but it was nice sometimes I just love getting all nostalgic and what not.

I am a little frustrated I have been thinking about Ziv a lot today and that is annoying to me I feel like I don’t know I just keep thinking he is in the same city as I am I wonder what he is doing etc. I know I should just leave it alone so that is what I will do but it is still hard I am wondering what my problem is I know I have made so so so much progress since even last month but once in awhile I catch myself thinking what if things had been different.

I just need to get a job and get busy then it will go away again I am sure of it.

all out of wack

so my computer has not been able to hook up to the internet at home and for some reason a blog written on any other computer besides Thelma isn't half as cathartic so i wrote something on monday so i will post that and it will be after this one and that will be weird and confusing. So i am at my oldest sister's apartment right now she has seizures and has to stay up all night to induce them so the can do an EKG or something like that she has already had three tonight and i can tell she doesn't feel well she is such a trooper tonight has been fun though James and I made dinner and then we went to Liz's karen came too she is neat. we played games and ate weird chips. at about 12 whitney came over and whitney liz and i went to the supposed "Freaky Dees" in salt lake all the waiters and waitresses are supposed to be cross dressers but no such luck it was fun though. after that me and liz set up the quilt and have since finished it along with watching csi friends and now frasier i am supposed to drive home some time tonight but i think i will have to nap first i am exhausted and even though home is just 20 minutes away i don't know if i would feel confident on the road. ok i am off to keep that girly awake

Oh so productive

ok not really but i did get up at seven and try and get my room organized till about ten went with diana to the doctor came home and ate went and helped mom at her library came home and read then took a nap. deedle doo i am a very happy child.

back when my sister first got her license we used to go on drives all the time just drive around and listen to music. Last night me and andrew took one of these trips for a bout an hour and half it was so nice to talk to him he is an amazing boy. it is interesting to see what his thoughts are about girls and school and stuff. I have always been curious about what he thinks of girls because andrew is an attractive person on more than one occasion he has been told he could be a model for abercrombie and fitch (hahha) but he has never really had a girlfriend so that was nice to be able to talk to him about crap i love that little boy.

so on our drive i drove up to ziv's to see if the shopping cart was still there it was and that made me laugh. then we drove down to my old middle school, as we were driving i saw some people walking and i said to my self teh only idiot i know who wears black socks with shorts like that dork is ziv and lo and behold there he was walking with some guy right past my old middle school ok i am off to pick up mom